.

.

.

.

.

.

Lord Peter Wimsey

Ian Carmichael starred in this BBC series
with Glyn Houston/ Derek Newark as the urbane Bunter.

Clouds of Witness (1972)

The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club (1973)

Murder Must Advertise (1973)

The Nine Tailors (1974)

Five Red Herrings (1975)

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

Clouds of Witness (1972)
Part 1: Lord Denver (David Langton) kicks out of his stately pile Riddlesdale Lodge "utter swine" Captain Cathcart, for cheating at cards. But when Cathcart is shot dead, Denver is chief suspect and Inspector Charles Parker takes the back seat in Lord Peter's meticulous investigation. The story begins with rather a dull set of upper crust types, but certainly picks up when Georgina Cookson momentarily steals the scene
Part 2: Detailed forensic work and consulting Denver's lawyer Impey (Francis de Wolff). It sends Lord Peter to sleep, and us also for the quiet pace is unknown to today's speedy directors. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the memorable scene in which Lord Peter calls on his neighbour over the moor, the surly Grimethorpe (George Coulouris)
Part 3: Kate O'Mara as Cynthia brightens up the action, as she reveals Lady Mary was a member of the Soviet Club. Mary confesses to the killing, but is she protecting the man she was eloping with, George Goyles? Yes, she's "in a frightful tangle" as she returns his engagement ring
Part 4: At the Rose and Crown, Grimethorpe's alibi is investigated, and a "yawnin' gap" of six hours is uncovered, by Jove. An uncharacteristic lack of intelligence sends Lord Peter to the depths of a bog, Bunter to the rescue, in a quite unconvincing scene. Recuperating at Grimethorpe's, Lord Peter chances on a valuable clue, a letter from Lord Denver
Part 5: In the House of Lords, the commencement of Denver's trial, while Lord Peter sails to New York to question Cathcart's mistress. Lord Peter then makes the dangerous flight home carryin' a letter from Cathcart that reveals all. Mrs Grimethorpe is thus not needed to testify, and is sheltered under his lordship's protective wing
Wimsey Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club (1973)
generally, an improvement on the first story, much more absorbing as a mystery

1 Mysterious Circumstances: An old colonel dies in his club, but when exactly did he die? On the answer hangs the inheritance, for his rich sister Lady Dormer happened to die the same day. Younger grandson George inherits, or is it his elder brother Robert, or niece Ann could get the bulk of the fortune
2 Mr Oliver: "The facts are rather difficult to ascertain" but Lord Peter questions a taxi driver to work out the dead man's movements. Just who is the elusiver Oliver, maybe the last to see the colonel alive? Foul play is suspected, so the corpse is exhumed
3 That Damned Dorland Woman: Cause of Death: Digitalis. Main Suspect: Ann Dorland, who had motive and opportunity. George appears to be going mad, he's another possible suspect. There is also a slightly more serious jibe at the power of the press
4 Execution Day: "We haven't got a case- yet," admits Insp Parker. Is one of Miss Dorland's paintings the vital clue? Ois it that bottle of digitalis in George's house? "I'm getting sleepy," complains George, and this slow denouement had that effect on me also. An unsatisfactory finish, "unpleasant business" indeed

Wimsey Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Murder Must Advertise (1973)
1: Lord Peter becomes Bredon, "a cross between Ralph Lynn and Bertie Wooster," a new employee at Pym's advertising agency, where his predecessor had fallen to his death down a winding iron stairway. This Victor Dean had left a dark letter of foreboding, in with the wrong lot
2: At a garish Den of Inquity presided over by Major Charles Milligan (Peter Bowles), Bredon gains one admirer in the shape of junkie Dian, whose former lovers had come to bad ends, lastly Dean. Bredon also returns Ginger's catapult, the murder weapon, tipping with a Queen Elizabeth coin despite the 1930's setting! After a near murderous attack on himself, Bredon lures Dian into the woods, "I'll show you how to get a kick out of life," she offers. She provides a lead to the drug peddlers
3 Dian and Milligan gatecrash the Duchess of Denver's party, "oh how horrible!" Lord Peter sees them off, after tipping them that his cousin Bredon is a bad lot. Thus Bredon gets in with the Major and the two plan to oust the unknown head of the drug racket based at Pym's
4 The death of Mountjoy under a tube train, leads Wimsey to the dope collection point in a pub, selected by a clever coded message sent via a Pym's advertisement, "it sounds pretty complicated." Then Bredon is arrested for murdering Dian! The real killer's confession is too verbose, "a tepid pig to catch the tigers"

Wimsey Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Nine Tailors (1974)
Part 1: This recounts how Sergeant Bunter rescues Major Wimsey in the Great War and later becomes his butler. But the tale opens with the story, related by Wimsey to Bunter, of the theft of Lady Maggie's emeralds, worth a king's ransom, when she attends the wedding of Sir Henry. We see that the model butler Deacon isn't all he seems, and for once the butler did do it, steal the jewellery. It was fortunate that Lord Peter Wimsey was a guest and in his sparkling 1914 Mercedes pursues the accomplice Cranton. He is caught and grasses on Deacon, they are sent to Dartmoor. Deacon escapes from the quarry, kills a soldier, and, his bad luck, is sent to the front. But the emeralds were never recovered
Part 2: Beautiful photography of Fenland is some compensation for a rambling but intriguing storyline, with Donald Eccles as Rev Venables providing a masterclass in enthusiasm. Wimsey is stranded in Fenchurch St Paul on New Year's Eve and helps bell ringing, the peal of The Nine Tailors- still ringing at 3.20am, surely there'd be complaints these days! Spanish flu sweeps the village, but spared is Will, second husband of the maid Mary, Deacon's first wife. Easter marks the death of Sir Henry and where he is to be buried is discovered a corpse, battered, but it's that of Nobby Cranton. (Note- The poor coroner is taking copious notes when his pen snaps)
Part 3: Lord Peter pulls up the corpse's hat from a well in the churchyard. Some subterfuge uncovers a French letter from Suzanne, who had married a deserter. Cranton isn't dead, but is alive and just about well enough to affirm Deacon had hidden the emeralds, but where? "The whole bally thing's somewhat oppressive," though the story becomes lighter when Rev Venabes helps Lord Peter decipher a message in cipher, quotes from the psalms. "What's all that supposed to tell us?" Singing Holy Holy in church, the penny drops
Part 4: "Well I'll be..." there are the emeralds. Only mystery is, who killed Deacon? Will does a bunk, no less than the Archbishop of Canterbury helps find him. The denouement drags on with a surfeit of interrogation. The Fenland village is flooded and the church bells peal their warning, with Lord Peter in the tower! Bunter rescues him again, and incidentally the mystery of Deacon's death is solved, though I'd long since lost all interest
Wimsey Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Five Red Herrings (1975)
Too many red herrings in this story, though the attractive scenery provides some compensation. Director Robert Tronson seems mesmerised by it all and is far too lethargic. The character of the police inspector eagerly and thoroughly investigating his first ever case of murder is a bonus, offset against the negative of one weak female actress.

Part 1: On holiday in Galloway, Lord Peter Wimsey has a brush in a pub with belligerent Scottish painter Campbell, whose several enemies think "ought to be annihilated." Indeed his body is discovered by Lord Peter in a stream, "the most popular thing Campbell ever did"

Part 2: Lord Peter proves that Campbell's accident was murder, one of six local painters is the wanted man, "you're getting a wee bit warm my lord." Bicycles seem at the heart of the case, lack of alibis seem another feature. Betty the maid, who innocently dotes on Bunter as a second Ramon Novarro, learns the secret of her master's attic

Part 3: A monster seen by Betty has mysteriously disappeared when the attic is searched, though according to the evasive butler Alcock, it was never there. Obviously he's "lyin' his head off." Helen, another maid, says she witnessed a fight between Campbell on the night he died. This rambling story ends with Lord Peter all but pushed over a cliff

Part 4: A bevy of confessions clear the air, but too much padding, why for example do we see the arrangements for Campbell's funeral? Lord Peter reconstructs the crime in fine detail, the police of course blindly admiring of his informed guesswork, "there was only one possibility and you spotted it"

Wimsey Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

DOCTORS

DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE

DOCTOR AT LARGE

DOCTOR IN CHARGE

DOCTOR ON THE GO

LWT's long running saga loosely based on Richard Gordon's books, started amateurishly with some feeble scripts and atrocious acting. However persistence paid off, and in Robin Nedwell and Richard O'Sullivan they found a winning formula.
Perhaps Geoffrey Davies as Dick Stuart-Clark was the most likeable of the rogue doctors.
Ernest Clark as brusque Sir Geoffrey Loftus added the necessary contrast by providing a pompous dignity to proceedings.
Ralph Michael as the laid-back Dean was also memorable.

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE
1.1 Why Do You Want to be a Doctor? (1969) - Upton somehow passes his interview for St Swithins and on his first day meets Duncan Waring (Robin Nedwell) and eternal student Dick. They're greeted by an appallingly monotonous, but brilliantly funny, speech from the dean before Professor Loftus gives them a much more forthright, but equally fun, welcome: "I am going to give you hell!" John Cleese and Graham Chapman's script hits just the right anarchic note. After this, Doctor In the House was all downhill
1.3 It's All Go - a viva in the dissection room. Prof Loftus is hardly impressed with Waring and Upton's scant medical knowledge, making them drown their sorrows in the local. Thus they are the worse for wear as they return to their lectures, and a far too long demo by Prof Pearson (Martin Miller)
1.4 Peace and Quiet - We're away from the hospital environs, and no better for it. Upton's digs are so noisy, he finds an alternative where the daughter of the house is excessively flirty. After various other duff experiences, he finds solitude in the spacious accommodation provided by Mrs Muir (Renee Houston). However she is cannier than Upton, and he finds himself sharing with his old mates. It's all faintly cringeworthy, corny, the script and actors self indulgent.
1.5 The Students Are Revolting -incredible what these university scruffs got away with in scriptwriting. This Garden and Oddie story has Mike Upton on the carpet for having his photo on the front page in a student demo. "I don't think that's awfully funny." Never was uttered a truer line, though what follows, an embarassing student sit-in with some duff new characters is much worse. Somehow Professor Loftus winds up on the carpet this time, before The Dean who struggles with his naff lines
1.6 Rallying Round - somehow a madcap car rally gives Mike the chance to nearly deliver a baby- the scene where he practises with a teddy is the brightest moment
1.7 If In Doubt- Cut It Out - Mike has got appendicitis and goes under the knife of cack handed Dr Crowfoot (a nice cameo by John Warner), "there's nothing to worry about." However a second op may be required since Crowfoot can't find his contact lens
1.9 Getting the Bird - Rigor Mortis is "a sort of girl," a staff nurse, played by Helen Fraser. She's just the one for Mike, symptomatic of 60's morals, echoing Barry Evans' film exploits, only without the sex, or indeed laughs. Duncan's problem is even more serious- he has proposed
1.10 The Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever Casino - "There aren't people like that," says Upton, but there certainly are here as The Heavy Mob muscle in on the students' amateur casino. Bernard Bresslaw as the bouncer is too over the top, but John Barcroft as The Boss is spot on. Mike and Duncan go to work for him at his club, unfortunate that The Dean and Prof Loftus happen to check the place out, just when there's a police raid too
1.11 Keep It Cean! - Mike has to produce this year's ward show He enlists the help of his brother Terry, high camp, every cliche in the book, so amateurish, it's meant to be thus. The show must go on, utterly childish
1.12 All For Love... - Mike's fallen head over heels for Valerie, then he finds out she is Prof Loftus' daughter. He's prepared to give up his career for her, you nearly cringe, occasionally smile, "do you think we went too far?" The scraping of the violin is the last straw as well as the first
1.13 Pass Or Fail - After a long drag act, time to swot. The practical exam isn't designed to increase your faith in doctors, the viva with Loftus is a little subtler. Then the Dean announces the results, surely a travesty, no wonder the NHS is.... etc etc
series 2

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Series 2: 2.1 It's All In The Little Blue Book - After too many second rate moustache gags, it's first day for the second year students, under the kindly gaze of Prof Loftus. Upton has to perform a practice examination of a patient, female, with a lump... "stop!"
2.3 Take Off Your Clothes... & Hide- Completely tasteless, and that is only the opening scene in the bar. From there, the boys go to a strip club, where Rita the stripper faints, Rushed to hospital, she receives inordinate medical attention, and is improbably persuaded by Upton to become a nurse. She tries it none too successfully, like this script, and the acting, but all is eventually revealed, well nearly all
2.4 Nice Bodywork, Lovely Finish - Collier buys a car for £30, a hearse actually. Not knowing there's a coffin in the back, he, Upton and Waring drive to Cambridge. When the latter pair are stranded with the corpse, they have to spend the midwinter night in a ruined chapel. It's not very funny, though the finish with the dean is much more like it
2.5 Look Into My Eyes- Mike hypnotises Duncan into barking whenever the word Dog is uttered. Prof Towers lecture on Pavlov's dogs gets frequent interruptions. Unhypnotising him proves harder, and Duncan wanders the hospital, his pals seeking him by shouting Dog. The professor tries to cure him but goes under himself, as do all of them. Not quite as corny as it could have been
2.6 Put Your Hand On That- Mike's first operation, Loftus in charge. Mike faints and has a macabre nightmare. Even more worrying is when he and Duncan are put on emergency call. Mike's jitters are cured when he thinks he has to operate on poor Duncan, though it's a put up job. Not for the squeamish, and a little too serious perhaps
2.7 The Royal Visit- meticulous preparations for the visit of the Prince and Princess, nothing must go wrong, but it does, sabotage of the furry loo seat replacing the prized wall plaque. Mike's "brief" speech is interminably extended so as matters can be righted, but this is the sort of sketch in fashion 50 years earlier
2.8 If You Can Help Somebody... Don't!- Mike is sorry for a malingering patient, old Mrs Brown. Loftus knows how to deal with her type and she is discharged, but Mike calls at her home to make her tea, does the dusting and offers to do the shopping. When her daughter Margery turns up, he sees he has been duped, but is sorry for Margery who is trapped by her mother. She is "a bit straight" but turns up at midnight at Mike's door to move in with him. Luckily his drunken friends put her off- in other hands this could have made it to Armchair Theatre
2.9 Hot Off the Presses - Ingrid is the hot property on the cover of the dry hospital magazine, "it's a bit, er..." 4,000 copies sold, but Prof Loftus is not amused and orders all copies be returned
2.10 A Stitch in Time - Casualty is incredibly quiet until a criminal (Dudley Sutton) requires attention. Things improve a bit when Prof Loftus requires stitching up, Ernest Clark does it all with a deadpan brilliance
2.11 May The Best Man- Mike gets a black eye after an argument over "tottie" Jenny (Susan George)- all very childish. A diner a trois is equally predictable
2.12 Doctor On The Box- A tv crew film a typical day in a student's life, very stilted and obvious "old chap." Oh, "you're not auditioning for Opportunity Knocks." It livens up when those students not included pose as patients, but the finished product Loftus does not find amusing
2.13 Finals- Practicals include pregnant women and deaf patients, plus one deaf examiner. Loftus falls out with his colleague while interviewing Mike, who then deals with an unplanned emergency, hardly a subject for humour, indeed as a result Mike fails. Such pseudo drama is out of place, though of course all ends happily
Doctors Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

DOCTOR AT LARGE
3 You Make Me Feel So Young (b/w)- A new job in a run down district with Dr 'Major' Maxwell (Arthur Lowe), though of more interest is his daughter Sue (Madeline Smith). All the patients believe Mike is too young to be a doctor, the obstreperous Mrs Baxter (Marjorie Rhodes) their ringleader. The cockney characters are faintly embarrassing as played by middle class actors, rather the same as later occurred in The Good Life
4 Doctor Dish (b/w)- Mike has to lecture to a class of nubile girls, the subject is... sex. Usual jokes about mummy's tummy, it could have been a lot funnier, if more risque. He wins lots of admirers who descend on his surgery, and write love letters. Paul naughtily replies to them as a backlash, these days it seems merely tasteless and definitely non PC.However there is a nice punchline from the girls' teacher Bunty (Barbara Mitchell)
5 Modernising Major (b/w)- Guinea pig for Dick's ancient ECG machine is Mrs Baxter (Marjorie Rhodes, stumbling over some lines), it's part of the modernisation of the practice, which ends in a morbid script at odds with the earlier attempt at slapstick
6 Congratulations- it's a Toad!- Paul is incomprehensibly out in pouring rain at 2am, collecting toads. His new pregnancy testing scheme has its failure, "she's only two!" His ads draw the wrath of Dr McKendrick (Fulton Mackay), and the toads must be hid from him- this nearly comes off, as a script, offering Arthur Lowe a chance for some fine facial expressions
7 Change Your Partners - Methought this was a script written by gauche teenagers, but the credits at the end refer to Garden and Oddie. Mike takes out Dr Caroline Cook to oblige Dick, but falls for her, to the consternation of Sue and her dad Dr Maxwell. This is dangerously unfunny, a love story without real love. Only inventive moment is the use of cartoon
8 Trains & Notes & Veins - A lady's varicose veins pass a mundane train trip to Mike's parents. But Dr Upton Sr is not amused, for the patient (Jean Kent) is his patient, and Mike has contradicted his diagnosis. Not to be outdone, Dick offers a third treatment
9 Lock Stock & Beryl - Upton's last day in Casualty, Nurse Beryl ever persistent. He "pinches" Bingham's patients, "it's unethical!" But the script loses its way with arguments over a job opportunity and utter embarrassment with a sozzled Beryl
10 Upton Sells Out?- Garden and Oddie's script starts well at the snobby Harley Street practice of Dr Whiteland (Fabia Drake). Dick persuades Mike to apply for the job, which seems to involve mundane tasks like walking poodles. An unusual sherry party is his first 'clinic,' but then comes the collapse with Collier crashing in as a tramp. Trying to make some serious point, the whole thing utterly flounders
11 Saturday Matinee - Oh dear dear, was this scriptwriter John Cleese's nadir? Dr Upton is on call and tries to treat George Meacham MP. With his patient naked, he has to deal with Maxine (Maureen Lipman extraordinarily bad) who has been snubbed by Dick. Was this drama or comedy? It would be an insult to say either, this is childish, amateurish corn
12 Where There's A Will - Mike deals with recalcitrant old Mr Medwin, there's nothing wrong with him. Next thing is that he dies- is it foul play? As he inherits, Mike is chief suspect, "they think I did it." Very predictable, and a forced storyline, but a fine surreal nightmare is compensation
13 Students at Heart - Wanting "a stab at surgery," Mike applies for a post with Mr Rivers' firm, Bingham his only rival. High jinks after a rugger match go over the top, like the script, as Rivers is dumped in a pond- by Mike. To shut him up, poor Rivers is tucked up in the nurses' home
14 No Ill Feeling! - Harrow as a GP, that's Mike's new post under Paul's hypochonriac uncle (Brian Oulton). He boards at the Bella Vista, a proto Fawlty Towers, with an assortment of guests, mostly Jolly Mr Davidson (Roy Kinnear), who is put in his place by Paul and Dick
15 That's Just The Beginning - Mike joins Dick in the psychiatric clinic, patients include Mr Bligh (David Jason) who has a tic, "you're a doctor?!" Head of the department Bob (Freddie Jones) is a manic depressive whom Mike tries to help, "look I'm a doctor." All very obvious, but well done, just who is round the twist?
16 It's All in the Mind - Audrey Watt (Patricia Routledge) practises white magic, luring away some of Mike's patients. He has "a cosy chat" with her, thus falling foul of her, making him think that he and Paul are under her curse. To undo it, they perform their own ceremony in her garden
17 Cynthia Darling - Hattie Jacques provides an object lesson in how to throw yourself into a part, she plays a smothering mother trying to marry off her daughter. Mike gives it to her straight, but this is taken as a proposal of marriage. Mike's only solution is to send in Paul for an insulting job. When daughter Cynthia packs her bags, Mike faces a tidal wave of hysteria
18 A Little Help from My Friends - Smartening up the image of their temporary practice, with a new Rolls, cinema ads etc, gets Dick and Paul the order of the boot. Mike gets a lot more assistance from his new Dr Barrington, even though she is Nicky and a girl. Note: Christopher Timothy has a small uncredited role as the Rolls' chauffeur
19 Devon Is Lovely at This Time of Year - Dr Nicky has made "an impression" on Mike who is up for the vacancy on the dean's firm- but so is she! Will love conquer all? Faintly embarrassing portrayal of young love doesn't help the story
20 Operation Loftus - Dick's Open All Hours Bar has to be swiftly closed when Professor Loftus rejoins the hospital, and his illegal booze in the bedpan store removed. The dean performs a brilliantly erratic ward round, though he is too over the top when he is too inebriated to perform an emergency op on Loftus, which Mike has to do with running commentary from the over enthusiastic Dr Bingham
21 Mother and Father Doing Well - An improved Cleese script with Dr Huw Evans in Casualty as a patient, his wife Pippa in Maternity. She irregularly assists in Huw's minor op, while Dr Upton fails to spot a couple of nutters
22 A Joke's a Joke - Poor Lawrence Bingham is the butt of junior doctor humour, ending up nude in the library. With Dick he joins forces, as Mike and Paul have crossed their names off the Anatomy Demonstrators list. They get the students to ask impossible questions, then change the slides in Upton's lecture, Prof Loftus comes in at an unfortunate moment
23 Pull The Other One! - When Paul tells Mike that Rosemary is "matron's sister," the date is off. Then Paul's sister Susan (Janina Faye) is dated by Mike, her brother keeps a watchful but mistaken eye
24 It's the Rich Wot Gets the Pleasure - Dick inherits £50,000 and celebrates with Upton and Bingham. Striptease follows, and at the police station, Insp Barker (Rupert Davies) arrests them. After Loftus bails them out they are sacked but luckily reinstated. Richard O'Sullivan, his face smeared with lipstick, is a sight to behold
25 Things that Go Mump in the Night - Could Mike Upton have gone down with mumps a second time? Why is Dr Bingham ordering a blanket bath for him, and an enema as well? Could be he's jealous of Upton's attentions towards Nurse Allison (Angela Douglas). Sadly, another patient irritates and loses the impetus of the story
26 Mr Moon- Mike joins Dick at a health farm run by Stanley Moon (John le Mesurier). John Cleese's script has all the usual jokes plus a few quirky moments, "give me my grapefruit." It ends on very orthodox lines after Mike tries fasting and leads everyone astray, even the eccentric Moon caving in
27 The Viva - the oral exam: "Boy wonder" Bingham is highly garrulous, Collier highly nervous, Upton merely late. His car has conked out and he phones Loftus and does his viva via phone from a rowdy pub. Appearing as the Scottish professor is veteran star of pre war musicals, Clifford Mollison
28 Bewigged, Bothered and Bewildered - After a poor scene in Casualty, Mike has to consult a lawyer (William Lucas, over the top), since he is being sued. Not really a subject for mirth, and this isn't
29 A Situation Full of Promise - All American lover boy Rick is getting all the female patients. Dick is jealous but is virtually guaranteed the new registrar's job since Upton and Collier are on the interviewing panel. However Nicky Barrington is a candidate,"she is a woman." She is also engaged to Rick, but a crisis is averted when Rick disgraces himself (that's a euphemism for being found in bed with the dean's daughter)
Doctors Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

DOCTOR IN CHARGE
9 Face the Music (1972) -
When Waring's poor golf shot knocks out the chapel organist, Lawrence Bingham volunteers to replace him. Waring hardly atones for his mistake by spiking Lawrence's drinks, leading to the least solemn memorial service ever
10 Mum's the Word -
In casualty is Duncan's mum (Mollie Sugden), but to impress the board of governors, Dunc has claimed she's a countess- so Dick kindly and amusingly poses as the effusive Mrs Waring
11 The Fox -
Dunc suggests Lawrence should "live it up," and some trickery in this daft story sees poor Lawrence "desire" to smother the new severe matron with kisses
17 On the Brink
18 Amazing Grace
19 Shut Up and Eat What You're Given
28 The Merger - Loftus is "on edge" as St Swithin's is threatened with being pulled down for redevelopment, so the docs create chaos when Sir John the developer tours "the worst hospital in the world"
31 The Epidemic
35 In Place of Strife (1973)-
Waring mistakes the painters for new students and permits them to "fondle" a dolly patient. Then he brings them out on strike when he does a spot of painting and finally the whole hospital grinds to a halt as he and Collier fail abysmally to stand in for nurses on a ward
Doctors Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

DOCTOR ON THE GO
After peaking with Doctor at Large, and Doctor in Charge, the series went downhill rather, and though not anything like as excrutiating as some of the first Doctor series, overacting and over indulgence don't usually make for good comedy.

1 Keep Your Nose Clean (1975)
6 M*A*T*C*H - When Dr Gascoygne drags poor Duncan away from the football on telly to examine a patient with a supposedly rare disease, Dunc gets his own back by tricking the naive Gazza into believing one patient really has an obscure disease. Sir Geoffrey's next ward round is not a success....
8 What's Op Doc with George Moon, Johnny Briggs
10 A Heart in the Right Place with Robert Dorning
Doctors Menu
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The David Nixon Show
From the 1950's, David Nixon had been producing his magic on both BBC and Commercial TV. For a little on his 1965 ABC series.
Below, a few surviving shows from the long running 1970's series.
1.5 (June 5th 1972) with Matt Monro - Freddie Davies lets David see his performing flea. David shows his double The Rabbit Game. Penny is introduced to him and Matt Monro, and does a striptease... behind a screen. David sings with Matt while suspending Penny in mid air. Rod Hull hypnotises Emu, or so he thinks, in a fun scene before Emu sings Lucky To Have a Friend Like Me. Matt sings Sarah's Coming Home. Final trick: Mr Tweet (FD) drives a motorcycle into a large crate which is lifted in mid air and then demolished

1.7 (June 19th 1972) - Freddie Davies and David play with hats before George Chisholm sings and plays some dire numbers. He is too over the top sadly, though this whole show looks really dated variety. David does a trick in the audience with keys that does seem absolutely impossible. Finally Freddie in a space suit sketch and David with a flying saucer trick

1.11 (July 17th 1972) with Bob Monkhouse - David, full of his recent Far East visit, does a trick his assistants have failed to perform. Under the eye of a member of the audience, Jean from Barnhurst, he performs four neat tricks. Anita Harris sings a rather dreary song I Wish You Love. Bob Monkhouse quips with David and they draw sketches of each other. Bob jokes and sings a novel number Happy Families. David's finale with Anita and Bob uses oriental costumes in which Anita- or is it Bob?- disappears

1.12 (?) with Ali Bongo- After a few jokes about FIFA etc, Anita Harris helps David push a bottle of beer through a book. Ali Bongo, the dancing musician, is followed by swinging bananas that move according to the will. Anita sings a romantic I Could Spend My Life, then with two members of the audience from Twickenham, David performs a trick with Tarot cards. The final illusion is The Thai Torture Trick, Anita in a steel neck collar is locked in a cabinet. Swords and then several saws are pushed through but of course she emerges unscathed, David nicely quipping, "you can hardly see the joins, perhaps if you look very carefully... but we mustn't look very carefully!"

with Ray Allan and Anita Harris - the audience are handed jumbo sized cards, and DN predicts three of them. Puppet Ollie Beak is in a cage, best place for it, and meets Lord Charles, DN joins in with his mind reading. Lord Charles keeps calling DN "Dixon." Then an enthusiastic DN shows us some historic magician's props, finally "my favourite trick," an orange, a glass of rice and checkers. Ollie admires photos of DN in the Far East and watches the Indian rope trick. AH is locked in a large cage which levitates
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Hogg's Back (Southern TV, 1975-6)
Perhaps the most enjoyable collaboration between the fading talent of Michael Pertwee and Southern TV. Derek Royle added his zany skills in the title role, and gives children enough to raise a good few laughs.

1.1 Vacancy for a doctor at Little Belling, mix up sees the incompetent Hogg on his "comeback." En route he crashes his car, no surprise, the victim a bank robber. But the badly shaken up Hogg is mistaken for the robber. Pearl, the doctor's secretary is delighted to find her new boss is so young and attractive... but that turns out to be the thief!
1.2 First patient is an old man "with ears" (Arthur Ridley). Then the general (Robert Dorning) whose youthful elixir is accidentally drunk by Hogg. To Pearl's delight, it seems to rejuvenate him, though in fact it's only the doctor's young son
1.3 Hogg cooking is as dangerous as Hogg shopping in the supermarket. Here he accidentally takes home a baby. It results in two black eyes for the innocent local bobby (John Clegg)
1.4 Some fun with Henry the skeleton, who causes a flag seller to faint. Then Hogg buys fishing equipment from a drunken salesman (Michael Ripper), At the lake, Mabel's skirt is ripped off, accidentally of course. Then Hogg ruins her picnic before finally landing a catch- Henry
1.5 I liked the story though it begins slowly with Hogg stranded in pouring rain on his rounds. Since Pearl cannot drive and rescue him, he resolves to teach her how. Mind you, his own driving skills are pretty poor, so poor that police stop him, and he only fortuitously avoids arrest by driving into an empty removal van. Fred the driver (Sam Kydd) is a crook, decides Hogg, and he tells the police so. The sergeant (Robert Gillespie) patiently listens, "you've had half the force out..."
1.6 Yet another incompetent diagnosis on a patient (Reg Lye) before Hogg dashes off to the railway to see Pearl off as she's leaving the series. Mann (Geoffrey Chater) of the Medical Council has to keep discreet watch on Hogg. What he sees is a stripper applying to be Pearl's replacement, then a sword swallower, and finally a lady magician who saws Hogg in two. The script builds to a zany climax
1.7 A children's audience (or is it canned children?) now tells you when to laugh. Workwell is the new butler, and helps Hogg with a patient with a sore throat. Mugsy, the robber from the first story, requests Hogg put up his daughter Colette (Wendy Richard). Hogg collects her from the station, but she is much older than expected. "Common" too, causing Workwell to storm out. Colette, whom Hogg always calls Pearl, acts as maid, receptionist and nurse, a different uniform for each
1.8 General Balding is selling his ancient pile, with the aid of a hired butler, whose hiccups Hogg cures with The Kiss Of Death. But Hogg is left to "butle" ie serve evening meal to a potential buyer. Each of his gaffes reduces the offering price for the mansion, until some ancient salmon reveals a hidden treasure
1.9 Michael Ripper is in the drunk charge of The Unlikely Travel Agency. His brother Cecil runs the camping shop. They enable Hogg and Pearl to go on a camping holiday where Hogg climbs a mountain, and is pushed down again. Then they pitch tent, which drifts away during the night
1.10 Jangle has dandruff- Hogg soon administers a permanent cure. Then Hogg runs to the gym via the vicar's garden, and once there, much first aid is required. He is escorted home to cure Jangle of his baldness, and nearly poisons the vicar
1.12 A storyline with plenty of fun. Farmer Brown is ill so Hogg 'helps' round the farm. After imbibing his medicine, Hogg decides Brown is dead, and calls the vicar. Plenty of confusion when the undertaker (Gordon Rollings) shows up, believing Hogg is talking about his own funeral
1.13 General Balding has injured himself decorating, so Hogg bandages him up. "Anyone can stick up a bit of paper," so with the aid of two crippled patients, Hogg makes the attempt. A lot of slapstick which has certainly been done a lot better elsewhere, though here performed with some gusto
2.1 After crashing a pram, Hogg treats General Balding, who is seeing things. His bandaging skills gets everyone in a tangle, nearly on a par with the chaos at the village fete
2.2 The local newspaper prints annoying comments about Hogg, ditto General Balding and the vicar. Editor Grimm urges them to "make way for younger men." To prove him wrong, they decide to build a new health centre. After a series of slapstick disasters, it is opened, only Grimm sabotages the sauna, but missing are most of the comedic possibilities
2.3 Col Travers, Her Majesty's equerry, wants Hogg to provide a cuppa for the queen. Mrs Mac prepares a splendid tea, only for Hogg to ruin it. Numerous visitors attempt to wedge in, here's another... and the royal guest is given a right wet welcome, off camera of course
2.4 My housekeeper's been murdered, cries Hogg to the police. But it's only a play, Hogg unwisely in charge of props. Mostly this is actors pretending to be amateur actors, not overcoming the weak script. However Pat Coombs as "a glamourpuss" is momentarily arresting
2.5 Disguised as Boris Karloff, Mrs Mac certainly scares Hogg. They start redecorating, but squatters awkwardly interrupt what progress there is. A dubious Cagney imitation fails to shift them, Mrs Mac's Frankenstein also fails, as does this script
2.6 Bank manager IM Jolly (Richard Caldicot) develops a nervous twitch when Hogg visits him. The wrong pills don't help. Two incompetent robbers seize Hogg as hostage and after a slapstick chase it finishes with Hogg chasing poor Mrs Mac
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Lord Tramp (Southern TV, 1977)

Michael Pertwee's script is typically whimsical, but it appears as though it were written in half an hour flat. Nevertheless there's a fine cast, starring Hugh Lloyd as the tramp who inherits a fortune. Joan Sims is Miss Pratt the housekeeper, George Moon is too exaggerated as the forgetful butler Tipping. It's only a pity the script serves them so very poorly.

1 His lordship has died intestate (cue joke), his title passes to a very distant relative, a tramp named Hughie. Inevitably he is turned away when he announces himself at the front entrance. He doesn't enjoy eating in solitary state, nor can he cope with his too comfortable four poster. He's more at home in the pantry with Lucy the new maid.
2 The Daily Echo offer £500 for an exclusive. Hughie's train journey is awfully boring, for us. He buys a new wardrobe and holds an At Home. His friends The Duke (Jack Watling) and The Bishop (Leslie Dwyer) and Hughie himself are chased away. Jokes include Trousers falling down, and Miss Pratt's line: "may I forget my station?"- with the obvious response
3 After breakfast in bed, Tipping fills in Lord Hughie over his jobs, He is introduced to Grimes the head groom (Tony Sympson), then Mr Partridge, and together they chase and catch a poacher (Alfie Bass) who is an old pal of Hughie's. The level of humour can be judged by these jokes: Hughie worries about apes in the apiary, and an awful one about his "dear stalker" hat
4 After dropping the breakfast tray, Tipping indulges in some rum with his lordship. Today is Lord Hughie's Exam Day, and Miss Pratt puts him through his aristoratic paces, a window for plenty of corn. The Duke and The Bishop come to stay, Tipping is ordered to frighten them away by playing ghost
5 As the estate is all but bankrupt, the house is opened to the public, with no help from 'Priggy' Pratt's Uncle Fred, who has to help them disguise themselves, goodness knows why. Further confusion with the arrival of two bank robbers. Puns include one on a stud farm, jokes include being frightened by a mouse. Best line: "Hitler wasn't a car park attendant"
6 Tipping is frozen stiff as the heating has failed. Diana of Mayfair with Hadji (Jimmy Thompson) are appointed to give the place a facelift, something this programme badly needed. The story muddles on, corny jokes include The Bishop getting a new tank for the oil heating, a real army tank. It ends in an inventive fantasy of pipes in the library that could have been so much funnier

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

PUBLIC EYE
"Looks like you need a good meal." A unique series really made by the superb acting of Alfred Burke as Frank Marker, and by some generally excellent scripts. It started as a black/white ABC production and was one of the few shows that survived the transition to Thames.
TV Menu

1.2 Nobody Kills Santa Claus (1965)
1.12 The Morning Wasn't So Hot
2.2 Don't Forget You're Mine (1966) - First Birmingham client is Mrs Jessop (Pauline Delaney, later to become Mrs Mortimer), whose younger husband is missing. Tis the usual reason, another woman. Seedy and predictable, but a well told story. Writer Roger Marshall's knack is to divide your sympathies before giving a clever unexpected twist before Frank proves himself "a private detective with honour"
2.7 Works with Chess, Not with Life
3.9 The Bromsgrove Venus (1968)

To my detailed reviews of Series 4

5.1 A Mug Named Frank (1971) - rather sad, as Frank Marker's romance with Mrs Mortimer is inevitably written out. He helps a dear old Brighton lady (Nora Nicholson) whose son (Barry Foster) is £3,000 in arrears. When the son steals his mother's rare silver casket, Frank persuades him to confess all to the local police in Windsor, thus winning, at last, the respect of the law, at least in Windsor
5.2 Well- There Was This Girl You See - New opening titles now Frank's in Windsor, and at last a client, a girl who wants to share with Frank the £300 reward for returning a stolen necklace. She wants to shop Sheldon her ex-boyfriend who has ditched her- "I don't like your type," Marker tells him. Nor does Percy the police inspector, but Frank "plays games" too long and, typically, overplays his hand
5.3 Slip Home in the Dark - The case of the anonymous phone caller who blackmails Barbara whose hubby is trying to make a new start out of jail. A sad case, but at least Frank cracks it. "Mr Marker, I don't like you very much"
5.4 I Always Wanted a Swimming Pool - (now in colour) An opportunity for some shots around Windsor as Frank trails an errant husband. His main case is related to the rather sad Charles Loose (Cyril Luckham) who seems to be selling fake paintings of the Norwich School artist Manton. As he is patron to a young artist (James Bolam) he seems to have the opportunity. Marker poses as a connoiseur who wishes to purchase a genuine Manton. "Success makes for carelessness," Frank as usual getting too involved, but he comes out quids in for once when there's a brilliant twist to the story
5.5 The Beater and the Game - "Life isn't all happiness," older man Stanley warns his young girl friend. Certainly not for Frank either, when Stanley objects to Frank trailing him. Poor Frank is being used to track Stanley down by a "monster" (Terence Rigby)- "a very nasty business"
5.6 Come Into the Garden Rose (b/w)- Rich old Rose (Madge Ryan) announces she is to marry Harry, the porter at her home (George Sewell). Marker exposes him for what he is, but she runs away with him anyway. All a little embarrassing, the story that is, more so perhaps because, though it's not made explicit, Marker can see something of himself in Harry
5.7 And When You've Paid the Bill...- Peter Kulman, aged 23, has jumped off his uncle's office block. Frank delves his motives in a sad but fascinating tale, marred by some poor acting. The truth is even more painful than expected, as the script collapses, like Frank's typed report
5.8 Who Wants to be Told Bad News? - Some fine acting here: Glyn Edwards as usual, as Bain the irascible estate agent; and Mollie Maureen as his aunt, who asks Mr Marker to find a 1917 newspaper. But his main job is to check out Bain's Asian client, who wants to rent an isolated cottage: "something funny there, if you ask me." Too late, Frank goes to the cottage, but the con artists have flown, not that Marker is that bothered
5.9 The Man Who Didn't Eat Sweets - Is my husband Eddie (Peter Sallis) cheating on me? Yet he seems so innocent in this sad but moving story. But three wives on the go is quite a juggling act, and Frank tries to resolve it by facing Eddie with his polygamy. "No excuses," he admits, as it all comes crashing down
5.10 Ward of Court - Martin Bailey has fled from Sheffield to Windsor, with his son. Marker traces him and serves a court order, only to reluctantly get involved in a tug of war between father and "monster" of a mother. Superbly done, you don't know just where your sympathies lie
5.11 Transatlantic Cousins - For once Frank has an assistant, reluctantly, in the shape of Lana, daughter of an American who wants Frank to unearth his aristocratic roots. This makes for a novel variation, except she's such a feeble actress. They dig up "a dreadful old man" in straitened circumstances, and Alfred Burke enjoys a nice scene with him. As Marker remarks "I always end up disappointing somebody"
5.12 Shades of White - Are Jimmy and Simon a bad influence on 18 year old Anne (Lesley Anne Down)? Allan her bullying dad thinks so, and wants Marker to find out about them. Frank flirts with the housekeeper to help catch the two thieves in an excellently written tale (Robert Muller) full of well-drawn characters
5.13 John VII Verse 24 - Not entirely convincing story when Inspector Firbank advises Frank to "stick to the facts," after he suspends one of his juniors who's accused of theft. Frank finds himself as go-between, defending the young copper
6.1 The Bankrupt - Mel Peters (Ray Barrett) is filing for bankruptcy, so how come he's still driving a Rolls? "This fellow's been having you on," as he attempts to bribe Frank Marker who tangles with the usual array of dubious characters including a crooked solicitor. You hope Peters'll come a cropper, though retribution comes from a surprise source, "get stuffed"
6.2 Girl in Blue - Brian Summers (Richard Leech) gets a shock when he sees his estranged daughter Janice appearing in a blue film The Parson Knows. He asks Frank Marker to trace her, though "he hasn't got much chance of finding her." But against the odds, there she is, in Hounslow, "I got lucky." Final scene: Father and daughter reunited?
6.3 Many A Slip - Frank is asked to check the credit ratings of five applicants, one is Mrs Pembroke his doctor's wife, only Frank's inquiries show she is not married, "I don't think it's as simple as that." In King's Lynn, Frank digs up the truth about the doctor, not that it's much use to him, though it profoundly affects others
6.4 Mrs Podmore's Cat - Frank's broke, so any case is welcome, though widow Diana Podmore (Jean Kent) "eats me for breakfast," and asks Frank to look after Bertie, that's her cat. She staying at a health farm, and leaves him to pick up the pieces of her private life, fending off the attentions of the criminal Clive and her toy boy Ronnie. The theft of two of her valuable medallions might prove embarrassing for our detective
6.5 The Man Who Said Sorry - Oh dear, a rare flop. Frank Marker is asked by a Mr Barrett to investigate his wife, "a little younger than I am." he says she's having an affair, but really he's just wanting to waste Marker's time after he allegedly let him down in a case back in October 1967, long forgotten by the private detective. The scenario of the neurotic on the edge of suicide takes far too long to unfold, "what the hell are you going on about?" asks Marker and you sense he might have been ad libbing! This style of writing by Richard Harris was entirely inappropriate for this series, as a play, the main and almost only character is tedious and you almost wish he'd get on with it and kill himself. When he does so, it's meant to be tense, but Marker has washed his hands, and so have most viewers. Not to be watched if you are feeling low, or feeling anything
6.6 Horse and Carriage- Christmas cheer for Harry Longstaff (Tony Melody) who allegedly "enjoys being jealous" of his wife Lilian, "the most desirable woman in Windsor, well the world really." He's an old client of Marker's, wasting his time making him watch her while he's away. But is he using it as a cover for a dalliance with Pauline? Lily engages her own detective to follow Harry but a potentially explosive outcome turns merely into a tasteful comedy
6.7 A Family Affair - Old Charles Knight wrote his own will sharing his estate between his two sons Henry (Ralph Michael) and John (Norman Henry), and his long term housekeeper Harriet. When Marker investigates her circumstances, she appears very well off, had she been fleecing her employer? "I always knew she was out for herself." A can of worms is opened as the brothers' reactions are studied, but for me the conclusion didn't fit quite right
6.8 The Golden Boy - Where is Sir John's son Vivian? Why did he suddenly leave his Oxford College, a brilliant career ahead of him? Meet two old farts, one unconcerned, his own father even, but the other, his old Latin tutor, enlists Marker's aid. Students friends lead him to the high class tart Carol, "he was too much," she admits. He's found in a pub, where Marker pals up with him and gets very drunk. His odd tale emerges over odder philosophy, not very absorbing, something on the lines of freedom or bacon or..?
6.9 The Windsor Royal - Clem Lawrence (Raymond Francis) is worried that his lovely new variety of rose has been stolen, and suspects his ex-partner Hayward. Marker's investigation is complicated by the secret romance twixt Clem's daughter and his rival's son, "it's all perfectly inncoent," and more akin to a storm in a teacup, but a pleasant teacup
6.10 It's a Woman's Privilege - 10.02am at the railway station, Helen Mortimer has come from Brighton to consult Frank. It's a nice touch and you wish that after two years, Frank might be a little less professional towards her. However he does take on board her concerns for her son Nick who has purchased a house in Datchet he couldn't possibly afford as he has paid £27.500 for it. He's become an account in a business run by the shady Everard, selling cheap photocopiers. Frank applies to become a salesman with the firm and is interviewed by Nick. He somehow manages to inspect the books, and after a shouting match convinces Nick to "get out now," as he's being set up as a fall guy when the business inevitably crashes
6.11 Home and Away - Amateur football manager Don (Bryan Pringle) may be having an affair, his wife asks Frank to find out. Frank gets pally with Don who introduces club 'mascot' Gladys, no hint of romance with her. Frank in fact is only a pawn to try and make Don jealous, to rouse him from his "soul destroying" existence. Good characters, that's all here, "I don't like ball games," admits Frank, "especially when I'm being used as the ball"
6.12 Egg and Cress Sandwiches - Improbable casting of Brian Blessed as a vicar, ah, but he's a trendy vicar, at odds with his churchwarden the general (Robert Flemyng). Blackmail letters about the vicar's "fluttering among the hens," draws Frank into this ecclesiastical brouhaha as the story skirts serious issues and ends in a search for a missing painting. It really hinges on two simple folk, "do you remember Doncaster?"
6.13 The Trouble With Jenny- Frank is being chatted up by a hotel proprietor a la Mrs Mortimer and in a repeat of a plot in series four, he saves a young girl from suicide. Her older husband (Donald Houston) asks Marker to find out why. Frank uncovers a jukebox romance, a baby and blackmail, but you sense it'll never be a happy ending
7.1 Nobody Wants to Know (1975)- this grittier series begins with prisoner Joe Martins needing Frank to find a witness, Janet of Ascot, to prove he wasn't involved with a robbery. "You don't know what you're doing, Frank." It turns out the elusive Janet was in with Joe doping her father's horse, "you're a mug, Frank." His professional persistence finds her, but his duffing up is inevitable." You can't admire the ending, though the duffing story continues next time
7.2 How About A Cup of Tea? - Helen Mortimer, last seen in #6.10, is back, wanting to cheer up a depressed Frank in hospital after his duffing up. But she cannot get through to him, he refuses all approaches and she inevitably departs unfulfilled. Inspector Firbank attempts to help also in a practical way by getting Frank a job, to see tenant Mrs Grant who refuses to be evicted, broke, husband left her, more depressing even than Frank's saga. Get help, advises Frank, but like him, she is unwilling, for in her "you caught a glimpse of Frank Marker." A poignant study of depression, religion, life
7.3 How About It, Frank? - "Right bastard" Chief Insp Tyson wants facts from Frank about his duffing up so he can nail the perpetrator Tarrant. Frank won't play, he's investigating computer expert Brian Hart for his mate Ron Gash, a fine study even if the brief storyline is too familiar. With Joe Martins (see 7.1) Frank unwisely puts the screws on "moral imbecile" Tarrant and receives a monetary pay off. That gives Tyson his chance, and Frank is brought in. Good old Gash rescues Frank, who in his turn does a favour for the likeable Brian
7.4 They All Sound Simple At First - Working as Ron Gash's "assistant," Marker helps a Polish man (Philip Madoc) after sharing vodka with his extended family. The man is owed £692 by his brother in law Croxley (Peter Bowles). He's a philanderer, and despite his refusal to pay up, a little "strong" leaning by Gash works the oracle
7.5 The Fall Guy
7.6 What's To Become Of Us?
7.7 Hard Times - Another new office, this one's in Station Approach Chertsey. An uncommonly friendly bank manager Mr Pearce (Tenniel Evans) who finds Marker "a nice man," presses him to up his modest fees, "they're not high enough." His first job is from some nasty characters, Find Jimmy. As he's laundering money, Frank knows he's on "a hiding to nothing"
7.8 No Orchids for Marker - Mrs Alexander of The Laurels Farm Lane interrupts a night intruder in her conservatory. Here's a slow moving but interesting story as Marker sleeps on the job and unearths, literally, the truth, as the pleasant afternoon tea atmosphere turns into £10,000, well nearly
7.9 The Fatted Calf - Sociology student Giles Robinson has run off after a row with his father over a sit in at his factory. Marker finds him easily enough, but he's under the influence of Commie Vince (Alun Armstrong). He disappears once more, but Marker's quickly on to him. However Vince is using Giles to blackmail his father over a bomb threat Vince is persuaded to make. "There won't be a next one," as dad coughs up. Markers offers to deliver payment and adds a sermon
7.10 Lifer - Arthur Biddle (Norman Bird) asks Marker to find his wife, gone off with Brian. Two days' surveillance produces Brian but no sign of the wife, not surprising as she died over ten years ago! In fact Marker learns Brian had been convicted of killing Biddle's daughter, and Biddle is out for a warped revenge. Frank nobly attempts to stop his pathetic client who understandably has murder in his heart
7.11 Take No For an Answer- A study of widower Mr Jenks (a typical role for Richard Pearson), fastidious chief clerk at an engineeering firm. His daughter asks Marker to find out what's worrying him. It's to do wth the dubious Carter, who has caused him to descend to defrauding his company. Marker's attempt to solve the problem only makes matters worse. There's one well drawn scene as his secretarial pool peep at him as he opens his farewell present
7.12 Fit of Conscience- Collapse of a block of flats. Council employee John Friendly knows he took a bribe from the builder, and asks Marker to locate George Berry (Griffith Jones), his co-conspirator. "I can only tell you the facts," Marker insists, but he does go above and beyond to advise the man with the guilty secret. However the ending is a convenient swindle
7.13 Unlucky for Some - Mrs Waterfield of the Rivermead Hotel asks Frank Marker to check on her new daughter-in-law Paula. What is her relationship with Fellows, "very aimiable isn't he?" Marker's career ends with a case of blackmail concerning Paula's first husband's death, and the chance for a reward, 10% of £80,000 is surely in Frank's grasp
Post 60's TV Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Nobody Kills Santa Claus
A rather slow story about obnoxious dynamic businessman Paul Garston (Keith Baxter) who runs his firm with the aid of his subordinate, accountant Eric Hart (Peter Barkworth). His rivals "all come out bent and battered," as does Marker when he's hired to protect this unlikeable tycoon. For, "hardly surprise of the year," he's receiving threatening phone calls.
Several candidates present themselves to Marker, including his ex-wife, or maybe Ray who is being given the runaround by his wife Anne, who is off for another dirty weekend with Garston. Then there's Wheeler, whose firm Garston is trying to buy up on the cheap. But surely above suspicion is Timpson who is to finance this deal. Marker acts as Garston's chauffeur, winding up doing other menial tasks like opening his champagne bottles. "You don't like him do you," Anne comments to Frank, but then only she really does, or so it seems.
When Ray finds out about the affair, he forbids her to see Garston again, a forlorn threat. So he contacts the shady Ellis to arrange for Garston to be made "a hospital case." Unfortunately it's poor Frank who is given the treatment in error.
Naturally rather shaken up, Marker wants to know why Ray duffed him up. But evidently he's not the main man, the one who is making these threats. Anne however, realising her affair is coming to an end, informs Garston her husband is the culprit, and will only stop if he's paid £50,000, to avoid nasty publicity. In fact she's only paid £20,000, which she takes away with a man posing as her husband. But even this is an illusion, for "they're easily tricked," falling for the old one of stuffed blank paper covered by a few genuine pound notes. But Marker uses all his wiles to pay £10,000 of Gartson's cash to find out who the blackmailer is.
Result: Eric is sacked, ""you did a good job Marker." Though perhaps Garston is less pleased when he learns what it cost him. Frank wisely turns down the offer of a permanent job working for such a nasty man. Later stories started to focus more on Frank Marker, whereas this early effort spends too much time exploring the unpleasant client
To Public Eye

.

.

.

.

.

The Morning Wasn't So Hot
Sleazy if realistic story of prostitution, Philip Madoc has a typical chilling role as the creepy Dannon.

It's still steam train days, as the Hull train draws in to London, bringing Jenny (Carole Ann Ford) who makes for a snack bar. A smooth operator, Mason, spies her and chats her up.
Frank Marker's client is a Mr Drummond, solicitor, who wants Jenny traced, now missing six weeks, no relatives in London. Marker perceptively starts his search at the snack bar, but is not given any help. She has now been sold by Mason, after a lot of negotiation for £300 to Dannon, "I provide items for collection."
Thus when Frank tracks Jenny down, she's flown. He meets Sue, another of Mason's new call girls, she's from Sheffield, though she only knows Jenny left trying to improve herself. Frank departs after giving Mason a piece of his mind.
Jenny is now entertaining Gordon Reynolds who at an executive restaurant introduces her to salesman Alan. He hatches a scheme with Jenny to blackmail Reynolds. This subplot adds little to the story.
Having purchased Jenny who has gone to ground, Dannon wants her, and offers Marker £100 to find her. Not that Frank would dirty his hands with such a rogue. A taxi driver friend finds her for Frank, who has a fatherly talk with her to absolutely no effect, she is as hard as nails confidently believing she has made it. "These people are not to be fooled about with," Frank warns.
She's too confident however to be shaken. We hear Frank being beaten up by Dannon's thugs, watching her reactions as she listens on.
"She's a goner," Frank later informs Drimmond, though a slight shaft of light is Sue who asks Frank to contact her family to see if she can return home
Public Eye

.

.

.

.

.

Works with Chess Not With Life
A young girl is claiming that she has had a bad stomach upset after eating mushrooms at a hotel. Clearly an anticipation of today's dreadful compensation culture that enriches noone but lawyers. A medical can reveal no evidence for her allegations, but nothing to disprove it either, so Frank is hired to investigate if she is malingering or not. He poses as a stylish salesman, not short of a bob, treating her to a top up meal. That certainly disproves her case for nausea!
That leads Frank to the case of the doctor who examined the girl. Dr Alan Skerrett (Derek Waring) is having an affair with Susan (Ann Lynn) and is ever waiting "the right moment" to tell his wife Nancy that he is going to leave her. Frnak learns this by following them to a tryst in a quiet church where the couple discuss their future, she earnest, he uncertain. She tries an ultimatum, she is leaving next Friday, will he come with her or not?
Even Nancy knows of his dilemma, though he doesn't know that she knows, she's only deduced it. Accordingly she asks Frank to act as a catalyst to make him decide. The vacillating Alan has finally decided to pay Susan off. Now only grateful he has rid himself of the dilemma, he kindly prescribes Susan a sedative, this a trick by her to blackmail him unless he goes away with her.
Facing the medical council if not, Alan requests Frank retrieve the prescription, but Frank is not that sort of investigator. He does agree to talk to Susan and try persuasion. In a memorable scene, he spins her a line and helps himself to the prescription, she convinced to leave the city alone. Another fine scene when husband learns wife knows of it all, when Frank talks to her. This time it's she who doesn't know that he knows
To Public Eye

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Bromsgrove Venus (March 16th 1968)
This could have been titled The Venus Flytrap, in honour of the dead fly that is continuously on the VCR machine!

Out of the rain, Frank Marker slips into the library, where a photographic competition is on display, organised by John Ingleby. Pride of place seems to belong to The Bromsgrove Venus, a pastiche of the celebrated National Gallery picture with a photographed head and body of a different woman. It's actually the head of Maria, who is the wife of the boss Paul. Who took this compromising photo, that's what Paul wants to know.
Marker first questions Ingleby who had actually submitted this photo, but he is unhelpful. But Marker finds the photographer who had developed this print, Ridge. He had made several copies, one had been stolen apparently. Marker is fairly sure Ingleby is the one who had stolen the photo, then submitting it in the competition.
According to Ridge, Box 30 had originally commissioned this photo, Marker calls at the address, but meets another brick wall in the owner. So he decides to follow Maria, who goes to the address of Box 30! Here, Marker overhears her asking for the name of Box 30, and some cash elicits the name, which is written down, so Marker is none the wiser. So he has to continue following her, she goes to an address, the Church Militant Union. She does not go in.
Back at his office, Marker gets a shock, Maria is waiting for him. She asks him to help as she is being blackmailed. Seven years ago she had had an affair with a man named Busby, a keen photographer. He'd taken this photo of her as a joke, but now she is handing £5 per week to Box 30.
Now Marker calls at the place, where Pauline's Dance Parlour is in full swing. Marker enrols for some private tuition in the tango, which he does with some style.
Her surname is Busby, and Frank Marker faces her with her blackmail. Easily he obtains the copies she's made of the photo as well as her side of the story. "I just wanted to make her pay."
Pauline and Maria are brought face to face, and they concoct a story which they tell Paul at the dancing school. Somehow all parties are satisfied for a jolly finale.
As a study of estrangement between a middle aged husband and a younger foreign wife, this is well told

To Public Eye

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

PUBLIC EYE
In Series Four the programme achieved a very high standard of writing, with a sensitive account of an ex prisoner's problems in attempting to reintegrate into society.

The series starts in Ford Prison, and shows Frank Marker being released and trying to make a new start in Brighton. With reluctant help from his probation officer, Frank obtains employment, but runs into various difficulties, not always of his own making.
At the same time he does settle into his digs run by Mrs Mortimer, and the beginnings of a relationship are just visible, even in a loner such as Frank.

4.1 Welcome to Brighton? (1969)
4.2 Divide and Conquer
4.3 Paid in Full
4.4 My Life's My Own
4.5 Case for the Defence
4.6 The Comedian's Graveyard
4.7 A Fixed Address
To Public Eye

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

4.1 Welcome to Brighton
This is a sometimes moving character study of the problems of a prisoner on parole, and a very lonely parolee at that. A sad portrait of a loner on the very periphery of society.
759413 F Marker, HM Prison Ford, convicted of receiving stolen property, sentence two years six months, is being released on the morrow. Yes, he is going straight, though "once you're in their little black book, you're there for ever."
Mr Hull his probation officer provides an accommodation address, the governor gives a personal goodbye also, asking a few probing questions of his personal life. "Who've you got?" The defensive Marker replies "myself," he has no choice.
Next day the van drives him to the station, the only prisoner on release. A strangely moving scene as he tastes freedom of sorts on the platform. The 42 train stops. An empty carriage for Marker. In Brighton he finds it hard to get used to the traffic. He makes for number 24, in sight of the sea and the pier, where Mrs Mortimer makes him feel welcome. She's a widow.
Savouring his freedom Frank Marker walks along the prom, recalling his experiences inside. On the front is Tony's restaurant where he takes soup and a mixed grill. By the pier a tart picks him up, Grace, they kiss, she helps herself to his wallet, and the mood passes.
Freda is the wife of Jakeman, one of Marker's few acquaintances inside. He'd promised to look her up, but she's not living where her husband has said. Some of his old sleuthing skills help Frank to find her quite easily, and the reason she'd stopped coming to the prison are soon evident. Marker is no marriage counsellor and it is she who gives him home truths about being married to a habitual criminal.
From this sad place to Mr Hull and a conversation, a reluctant conversation, "I'm not good at talking." At first the theme is how prison succeeds in reforming so few. They discuss making friends, that's not for Frank, and the job Hull has obtained for him on a building site. "I'm off officaldom," Frank finally admits. He doesn't want helping
To Public Eye Series 4

.

.

.

.

.

4.2 Divide and Conquer
Slow but absorbing account of Marker's first days at work.
A seemingly unrelated subplot follows two leatherclad motorcyclists (perhaps Thames couldn't afford a bigger gang?), who have ridden into town and swindled the owner of a cafe by Palace Pier (Ken Jones).
Frank Marker is brought tea in bed and a cooked brekker, before starting work at Black Rock repairing the sea wall. Then back to his digs and a chat with a defrocked solicitor, but Marker isn't the "sociable" type and it's a rather one sided conversation. But they make for the pub, and there Marker brushes with one of the yobs Harry (Terence Rigby) trying his same swindle on the barman (Norman Mitchell). It ends in a scuffle, Frank Marker winded, but at least they earn a free drink.
Harry as well as his dubious mate Frank, thirsts revenge and attempts to run Marker down. "We'll teach him something."
Next day on the beach the chance comes. Maybe the scene owes a little, though not a lot, to Cary Grant on that desert road, as Harry and Frank confront Marker by the lonely sea wall. Harry taunts Marker by eating his egg sandwiches. Marker responds, at a distance, by offering Harry a few tips in a tense filmed scene. Marker tries to pit the gentler Frank against the belligerent Harry. "I'm going to fill you in," boasts the nasty Harry. Two years inside, Marker retorts, and that gets Frank's namesake worried. Marker can become more confident now, and even snatches the spade in Harry's hand. "You got a big loose mouth," cries the losing Harry, as Marker's graphic account of life inside frightens off Frank.
The tense stand off is over. This is a slight story that shows the vulnerability of the ex prisoner, at the mercy of so many nasty types. The final camera shot pulls back from the beach where Frank Marker works all alone, it's a memorable picture
Public Eye Series 4

.

.

.

.

.

4.3 Paid in Full

Frank Marker is now loading toilet seats, about his level. He is able to collect his first pay packet. In the Lanes area he buys a flash shirt, and then in the window of Fanny's Curios, he spots a porcelain figure that reminds him of his childhood. The kindly shopkeeper, having listened to Frank's singing a hymn to rather doubtful lyrics, sells the figure to him at a bargain price.
Kenrick, Frank's boss, has bad news. The pay packet of Arthur Wilson has gone missing, and as this is the first time such a problem has arisen, Wilson is pointing his finger at "the jailbird." Dt Constable Brown quizzes Mrs Mortimer about her paying guest and then he talks to the unhappy Frank who realises "I'm favourite," as his room is searched. Nothing found, and Mrs Mortimer sympathises with some whiskey in a heart warming exchange, an utter contrast to Frank's interview with the copper. Mrs Mortimer opens up a little, revealing she's no widow really, her husband simply left her.
Next day at work proves difficult. Though Frank contributes to a fund for Wilson, everyone assumes he is guilty and when the empty stolen paypacket is found in Frank's clothing, he has to be taken to the police station for questioning.
En route, Brown has to stop on the A27 to arrest a young thief Barry who is arrested on suspicion of murder.
At the station Brown admits that he believes Frank is innocent. Mr Hull comes to sympathise. But Frank has that sinking feeling, "it's not going to work is it?" he asks rhetorically, "the unclean notice is up."
Barry's case is in the Evening Argus, and Frank talks the story over with his landlady over a cuppa. Jenny, Kenrick's secretary, comes to his digs to offer help, asking if he could provide an alibi. She does recall telling one employee about Frank's record. This quickly clears up the case, and Jenny rushes to break the good news to Frank. Trouble is that although he is in the clear, "people jump to conclusions," and when Frank reports back to work an apologetic Kenrick has to turn him away. Mr Hull tries to calm down the angry Frank, in a very sad finish.
This was clearly a problem just waiting to happen for the ex-prisoner, and the story is told very honestly and sympathetically. You wish Frank Marker could trust those wanting to help him, but at the same time, you know he's not that kind of man

To Public Eye Series 4

.

.

.

.

.

4.4 My Life's My Own

With his landlady away, Frank is left in charge at the guest house, and takes in a new lodger, young, pretty, but agitated. She keeps phoning someone called Chris, and seems in even a worse state than Frank, who's looking for a new job.
It's 2.20am when Frank, hearing her radio still noisily playing, kindly brings her a cup of coffee to her room. She doesn't answer his knock, so he breaks in, and finds her asleep, clearly drugged. Bravely, he makes her sick and causes her to come round, interestingly doing all this on his own, as surely Frank would, without seeking medical aid.
He makes Shirley take a long walk along the prom, to prevent her from relapsing into a stupor. Then back home, black coffee as she tears up a note she has left for Chris.
Next morning he makes some soup for her, and she explains about the trouble with Chris who is married. So while she sleeps some more, Good Samaritan Frank calls round to see Chris, and finds Chris is a woman, married to a doctor. Shirley had been a nurse for Chris during her illness. Matter of factly the doctor clains she did it to get attention, "she's a strange girl." It is not a happy meeting, one suspects the couple had words later after Frank has departed.
Encouraged by Frank's kindness, Shirley phones Chris, who is pleased, though her husband is a lot more unpleasant. Thus when Frank returns after a walk, Shirley has left. Landlady Mrs Mortimer comes home and is inquisitive about her unseen guest. "I thought I could cope," is Frank's typical line.
"You've taken on too much," is her pertinent reply," but before they can do more, Chris phones, receiving the sharp end of Frank's tongue. However anxiety is dispelled when Shirley phones also, to say all is well.

An interesting story that reveals a lot about Marker's character, but is not entirely convincing or satisfying

To Public Eye Series 4

.

.

.

.

.

4.5 Case for the Defence

Frank Marker's new job is stacking supermarket shelves, where a friendly local policeman meets him to offer him something more up his line, working for a private detective.
"They wouldn't want an ex-convict," retorts Frank, but Mr Rylands is prepared to take a chance. However, as usual for Frank, it's not as straightforward as all that.
Day one, he meets Davies, a solicitor. His client, the brash and rich businessman Osborne (William Lucas) needs assistance in reducing the charge his son is facing of murder to that of manslaughter. Barry Osborne has admitted killing Flockton, but can Frank gather anything to show that the killing was not premeditated?
The dead man owned a garage near Plumpton, so Frank hires a Morris Minor and drives to this garage to buy some petrol. He pumps the attendant who proves to be Mrs Flockton, and then her son, a mechanic there. Flockton was a burly man and the puzzling thing is how he could have been overcome by Barry at all, unless it was a surprise attack.
At the local, Frank takes a half of cider and finds out that Flockton had had one spell behind bars in Lewes prison. Osborne is mighty pleased to get this news! Eagerly he gives Frank a lift in his Rolls so they can talk with the victim of Flockton's crime, Jackson, though he is not all there for he has had a stroke. Osborne hopes that stroke might be the aftermath of Flockton's attack. However his methods are not to Frank's taste, and anyway bribery is of little effect.
"There are degrees of guilt," Osborne tells his son, who is at least honest- he refuses, like Frank, to allow the evidence to be manipulated.
At the University of Sussex Frank talks to Barry's girl friend who says it all with "Osborne Senior has a lot to answer for." She reckons Barry might have killed Flockton for kicks. But to Osborne, who wines and dines her royally, she considers his bribe to say she had given Barry LSD. But what she will say in court is never revealed.
Sick of this evil, Frank persuades Barry to plead guilty, for they are both fed up with the rich man's high handed criminal dishonesty. It's not an action that gains Frank much glory, though he does at least retain his dignity

To Public Eye Series 4

.

.

.

.

.

4.6 The Comedian's Graveyard

A memorable story set on the now defunct West Pier in Brighton, with Joe Melia and Leslie Dwyer as two tired old show biz pros, without hope rather like Frank Marker, eking a living running an end of pier show. It's a well worn storyline a la JB Priestley's The Good Companions, but so well executed.

Billy Raybold is holding auditions and seventeen year old Judy (Tessa Wyatt) tries her luck with A Bird in a Gilded Cage. "She looks good," so they give her a go. Billy, rather too old for her but ever hopeful, warns her of the hard graft Judy'll need.
Frank has been working on divorce cases, but now he's asked to find this Judy who ran away from home ten days ago. She sent a postcard from Black Rock, so she's in the area. "She wants to be a singer," Judy's aunt, Mrs Reid, tells Frank. (You sense there's another storyline hidden here, but it is never developed.)
Not too optimistically, Frank scours the theatres, then on to the pier where Raybold says he's not seen her.
But in her period bathing costume she's handing out leaflets promoting the show and Frank is lucky and spots her. "You did know her," he confronts the pessimistic Raybold.
Frank breaks the good news to Mrs Reid who is staying with Frank's landlady, Helen Mortimer. The three go to watch the show. Raybold's patter is typical end of pier, then it's Judy's turn. Shots of her nervously waiting in the wings as Raybold concludes his jokes. She sings Daddy Wouldn't Buy me a Bow Wow. Afterwards in the dressing room, she calmly tells her aunt that she's staying put. The two are left to talk while Frank and his landlady get as close as they ever do in the series. Helen suggests Frank set up as a private detective on his own again, but that needs money. She offers him £1,000 to get started.
Frank sort of solves Judy's case in a kindly way. He gets Doris, Billy's estranged wife, to tell Judy a few home truths, it's a gritty heart to heart, the old pro and the young innocent as Judy sees Billy's darker side. There's a pathetic parting and Frank is in trouble too, for closing the case far too quickly. Such lack of integrity in his employer makes Frank walk out.

To Public Eye Series 4

.

.

.

.

.

4.7 A Fixed Address
Over the washing up, Frank chats easily with Helen Mortimer about a possible office for his new business. He is even waiting on two guests, young Pete and Rose, who are clearly not hitting it off together, although evidently they have run away together. After four days living here, they are more arguing than loving.
Frank looks over one basement office, dingy but inexpensive, and asks Helen to come and give her opinion. But before she can do so there appears a fly in the ointment. It's Helen's estranged husband Denis, "seven years too late," who says he's come to see if Frank is OK, and he is clearly out to be a nuisance, out to needle Frank. Helen seems too slow in dealing with his snide comments and Frank not unreasonably retreats back into his shell. It's not helped by Mr Hull, Frank's probation officer, who has talked on the quiet with Helen and learned she is hoping Frank will stay on. Hull, furthermore, is against Frank restarting his old trade though he does reluctantly agree to allow Frank to take his chance.
Dinner at the guest house, the young couple still bickering, Frank and Denis at separate tables, in a strained silence. "We must talk," Helen urges Frank, but he has clammed up.
Pete and Rose are finally parting and Denis and Helen live out their past failure, that leaves Frank on his own.
Howeever Helen helps Rose drown her tears and cut her losses, something she must do herself, all this while Frank has a bit of a heart to heart with the surly unthinking Pete, two losers together.
So alone Rose departs, as Frank gets his new office ready all alone. Denis and Helen have a final talk, in which he asks her to join him abroad for his new job. She at last sees why he has returned, he needs a wife to clinch this post, and she turns him right down. So he departs in a huff, and she goes at last to inspect Frank's new workplace, "thanks, you're a pal."

To Public Eye Series 4
TV Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

My Honourable Mrs (1975)
The star was billed as Derek Nimmo, with Pauline Yates in the supporting role, though in effect she was the star around which this story revolved. Perhaps most interesting is that this led to her similar supporting part with Leonard Rossiter in the Reggie Perrin trilogy.
In essence yet another middle class suburban domestic comedy about the Prendergast family (with the usual youngsters who hardly impress in the acting stakes), but with the impending elevation of Mrs Thatcher, this anticipates nicely female emancipation in politics. However, at most this is gentle political satire, rooted far too deeply in suburban gentility.

1 To the Aid of the Party
2 While the Cat's Away
3 Election Fever
4 A Woman About the House
5 A Home from Home from Home
6 Chinese Blues
7 No Politics

TV Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

To the Aid of the Party

Jane's 'hobby' threatens to become more when her agent Eric informs her that she is being considered as a candidate in a by election. The trouble is that husband Henry hates politics, and she dare not tell him, as he is, ostensibly, very immersed in his publishing work.
Jane signs the papers enabling her to stand as Tory candidate in the Labour stronghold of Brinkley. Of course she has no chance. Henry himself votes Liberal, cue obvious jokes. Poor Henry is stunned, or "thrilled" when she breaks the surprise news. But her kids find it funny, "you won't win, will you?" Only young William is confident, though Henry does his best to come round, until he meets agent Eric and is a bit jealous.
Tonight he must entertain an important client, Prof Walter Ramsey (Raymond Huntley), who turns up earlier than expected. He wants a quiet chat, but constant interruptions don't help, such as a reporter asking about the election. The professor leaves highly annoyed.
Jane is in the news. She perceives that all this will split her family, so she tells Eric that she quits. However Henry persuades her otherwise, and the professor too, comes round, apologising for being "crabby", and offers a toast to the prospective candidate.
The story ends with two workmen on film outside the Prendergast home, offering some sexist comments that perhaps were typical of the era

back

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

2 While The Cat's Away
This story is tried and trusted domestic comedy, not a trace of satire.

With the election only two weeks away, Jane is called away to Brinkley. "Ppoor Mr Pendergast" suddenly finds himself the object of attention, female that is. His secretary Susan leers over him in a very obvious way. Attractive divorcee Marian (Jan Holden), a client, sees Henry needs "a little consolation." All very unsubtle.
With his two eldest suddenly snapping up dates, thanks to mum's fame, Henry is left alone that night with young William, and even he is off to see his friend. "Are you ringing up a girl friend?" the boy jokes, "other fathers do!" Henry decides to phone Marian, and invites her round.
Thus we reach the comedy. Widowed neighbour Joyce has noticed that Henry is on his ownsome, and together they toast the absent Jane. Then Susan "from the office" pops in. Closely followed by Marian. "The house is full with female visitors."
Jane rings him up and very unwisely he explains about his visitors. "An orgy." Just what Jane does not require is any whiff of scandal.
Thus Henry is all alone again, except that William returns and the pair of them settle down to watch tv

back

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

3 Election Fever

"Absolutely wonderful" that Jane has been adopted as Tory candidate for Brinkley. Henry toasts her success at work, then at home. Agent Eric joins in the family celebration, until an irritated Henry pops a champagne cork right at him. In any case, the evening is cut short when the BBC ask for an interview, "I expect Mrs Thatcher has days like this."
Henry blows his top when it comes out that Jane has paid the £150 deposit and other expenses herself. At the last election, the blue candidate lost their deposit. So Jane has to travel back to Brinkley immediately, while Henry reminds her pathetically, "you've only just got back."
But the sombre mood soon passes, as next day Henry decides that it is his duty to support his wife. He travels up north and in the Tory offices hears how his money is being "well spent." He winds up helping in the canvassing, even sticking his wife's poster on top of that of Reynolds, her rival. He comes to blows with one Labour supporter and finds himself arrested. "It's in the paper!"
He comes before the magistrate next morning. His children praise him as a hero, and grandma who is babysitting, advises Henry to "lie low." So he decides to return home but at the station he espies a news vendor with the headline Prendergast v Ali. Henry gives him a punch, and the police swoop

back

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

4 A Woman About The House

Election night.
Henry listens to the radio with Crichton his partner. The news expresses views on "the wife of a jailbird."
Later at home, the family wait nervously, because there is a recount. Then the result is declared. Jane has incredibly won. She offers a speech then phones home.
Somehow, she is able to return home, and Henry has a heart to heart with her, it becoming a little too serious, "I'll start going out on stag evenings with Mr Thatcher."
They decide to enjoy a quiet weekend incognito at an old pub they first happily stayed at 22 years ago. However Jane is recognised and pub talk rages around politics. They decide to return home in a blaze of publicity.
William brings his friends to shake hands with the new celebrity- for a small financial consideration. The visitors all gaze at her, "a sort of Parliamentary Tommy Cooper"

back

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

5 A Home from Home

In the office, Henry waits nervously while his wife attends parliament for the first time. The allowances sound attractive, "they vote a rise for themselves" is an apt comment on politicians, still valid today. But this five minute opening scene is far too protracted.
In a flash suit, Henry interviews a potential au pair. Then he takes the family to dine out, "I thought we'd lash out," smiles Henry, however Jane puts a dampener on things by pointing out that they may be earning more, but may also be in a higher tax bracket. She also has to pay for her little "nook" in town, plus somewhere in Brinkley.
They discover an attic room, "better outside privvies than this." The house is also occupied by her secretary Pat. Henry is shocked to find he's a man. Then there's another MP living there, Clive.
Jane persuades Henry to compose her maiden speech. It must not be contentious, and Henry promises that it will be in the same class "as Abraham Lincoln's."
Anna Maria is the new pair, it's Jane's turn to look doubtful. But they rehearse the speech with much prompting, then it is delivered to high acclaim. On to a celebration dinner, but who is paying?

back

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

6 Chinese Blues

A more mundane episode, Henry is late at the office having helped entertain Jane's Japanese delegation. "I'm an expert at ruining special occasions," he reflects. That thought prompts him to recall his twentieth wedding anniversary, something he always normally forgets. He decides that he needs a car, and spur of the moment, purchases an old Morris Minor.
He cannot present it to her, since Jane has unexpectedly gone to Brinkley to secure accommodation there. So Henry drives up there, the bad news is that Jane has been urgently called back to London for an emergency debate.
A little late in the day, Jane remembers what she normally doesn't forget, and she phones Henry in Brinkley, and they plan to meet up at home that evening. But she wants no present for their china anniversary.
Predictably, the old car conks out on the way back, and Henry has to cadge a lift with an old dear whose driving is slightly erratic. He is taken to the woman's daughter's house, where a children's party is in full swing. Henry phones home and tells William what has happened, before he is recognised as the husband of the new MP and treated as a minor celebrity.
The celebration commences at home, minus Henry. Jane manages to phone Henry at the children's party and they fix a tryst by the broken down Morris

back

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

7 No Politics
In the kitchen, the barbecue is being repaired, since Jane is home for a rare free weekend, "like it used to be."
All very cosy, until a phone call invites the children for a day on the river. All to the good, Henry and Jane have time alone together, but conversation is strained, like the script. Stripped of the politcial motif, this is good old domestic comedy, only this is bad domestic comedy, not very original at all. The couple "turn the clock back" to before they had any children.
On the verge of a dispute, mother rings, inviting herself round. Oh dear, that reminds Henry that his mum thought Jane was "flighty." A good old cuddle ends that unpleasantness, only it's not very cuddly. A young lady named Linda is brought round by Trevor, who wants her hidden from his wife. Worse follows when secretary Susan pops in, "just to plump the cushions," according to Henry. A real thunderstorm precipates a fresh round of worry, for the children out on the river- it has all become exceptionally tedious. Worse, Trevor has been kicked out by his wife and Jane gets a call to go immediately to Brinkley.
Trevor is left to care for mother, while the family go all together to Brinkley

back

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Squirrels
After a lost pilot had been made in 1974, ATV were not quick to spot the potential of this series with Bernard Hepton, Ken Jones and Patsy Rowlands. Some of the plots and even storylines and characters were later reused in Fiddlers Three.
1.2 Men Without Women (July 1975) - the weekend conference, Rex has to go without his wife. There's a party in Rex's room!
1.3 Man Most Likely to -"Sponge" Rex meets old school bully Reggie Parsons.
2.1 Ashes to Ashes (July 1976)- Rex isn't Bob Cratchit, but he must have a day off for another funeral, or is it the Test Match? JF thinks it's Rex's coffin in the lounge
2.2 Fluffy-Bun - Rex must cover up for Harry who's had a night at the Paradise Rooms. He goes there to meet a secret admirer, many eyes watching, all in dark glasses
2.3 Burke in Clover - after the office party, Burke is in a position to grab a few blackmail perks and even plans to get married
2.4 The New Broom - Rex is in temporary charge when the new MD inspects the office, though somehow the new cleaner (Lee Montague) is confused for the boss
2.5 On the Carpet - £20,000 is missing, JF's old carpet is in Rex's house, in this Kenneth Cope script that doesn't pass muster
2.6 The Renaissance - "lovely looking" Heather beguiles JF, but then he finds out who she is
2.7 The X Factor - JF's payslip is in Carol's envelope, it's "a war of nerves" finding out who knows what about who's pay (no PR)
2.8 The Weaker Sex - "Interfering busybody" Miss Smedley is doing a study of the office efficiency, but she also brings women's lib to Rex and Harry's wives
3.1 The Snatch (Nov 1976) - the adventures of Rex Mason, with a bag containing £5,000 strapped to his wrist
3.2 Leapfrog - "35 years up the spout, stabbed in the back by an amateur Brutus," thus JF who must not let management know of his bad back
3.3 The Cruise - David Craig is here to "brainwash" staff into the merits of Europe, with the offer of a cruise, or is it a "last journey"?
3.4 The Bonus Scheme - "Your big chance, Rex," he must devise a cost cutting scheme- so who's for the chop? It points to ....
3.5 The Long Hot Summer - the heat sets off Harry's practical joking. Permissiveness rears its ugly head in the staff garden, and revenge on Harry
3.6 The Argument -"It's him or me," Harry/Rex. They have fallen out, too much for JF, who retires home
3.7 What a Way to Go - To get the vacant job in Jamaica, JF needs to prove to the interviewers he has a reliable wife- Rex's will do
3.8 Shoulder to Shoulder - Rex needs a pay rise to pay Sweeney (Alun Armstrong), "the one with the tattoos." JF refuses, so a strike, who will crack first?
3.9 The Game's the Thing - Rex wants to join the golf club, but JF is a notorious blackballer
3.10 The Cover Up (no PR)- none too funny. Northwood Black is on the prowl, Harry thinks he uncovers his swindle
3.11 The Break In - The Chairman's landed! His inventory may show up all those little things that Rex and the others have borrowed
3.12 Men of Straw (final story) - the new office coffee machine, Rex is chosen to head the opposition
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

On We Go (BBC, 1973, on 16mm films)
Dramatised stories, each 15 minutes long, designed to teach the English language. Well scripted, with simple well constructed story lines offering some humour, as long as you re-mem-ber that each ac-tor has to en-un-ci-ate the words clear-ly. (One of several BBC English language series (see also English by Television.)
Perhaps the series is most of interest, if a little sadly, for the part taken by star Ronald Howard, near the end of his career, who played Mr Yates. He appears in most of the first fifteen stories. The cast also included: Patricia Lawrence as Mrs Yates, Christopher Strauli as Mark, Mark Griffith as Ted, Madeline Cannon as Ann, and Brenda Cavendish as Kate. Scripts except where noted were by John Tully. Director: Gilchrist Calder, then for later stories Kevin Sheldon.
Picture: from #11.

My reviews of some of the 30 stories made:

9 Who Is In the Bathroom? - Mr Yates must be going deaf. "What's the matter? Someone's in the bathroom." There's quite a discussion, and some peering through the keyhole until Mrs Yates resolves the puzzle, "I remember now"

10 A Surprise for Mrs Yates - The fridge is over full, the boys eat so much, so Mr Yates places a huge order for frozen food. Where's it all going to go? "That's a lot of food." Mrs Yates hurries off to complain, not realising a freezer has been ordered, but hasn't yet arrived. When it does, it is placed in the shed, the boys getting hungrier all the while. But they're in for a disappointment, as the frozen chicken has to be thawed before cooking, and they'll have to wait eight hours... (With James Appleby as Vanman. No Brenda Cavendish).

11 Ted's Girl Friend - Ted has met Sheila at this judo club, "she's wonderful." Or is it his money she finds attractive? Her potentially expensive tastes prove Ted's downfall, in a story the cast clearly have some fun with. (Sheila's unusually large role is taken by Heather Wright. No Patricia Lawrence despite being listed in the credits)

12 We Like You - The girls are discussing someone who is "very good looking," the boys overhearing can't agree to which of them they are referring. When Mr Yates gives the girls theatre tickets the remark is, "he's a marvellous man. He likes to give us a surprise." Again the boys overhear, and smarten themselves up, but over a meal their presents and efforts to impress fall flat. Worse, they learn of their error. (No Patricia Lawrence)

13 The Necklace - Kate's friend (Phoebe Shaw) lends her a necklace to wear at a dance. But it gets left on the kitchen table and the boys accidently drop it in the bin. Kate has to go to the dance without it, but next day Mrs Yates like a detective retrieves the lost article

14 Share With Me - Tom (Eric Carte), Mark's friend at art school, takes his words of wisdom about sharing literally, and comes to stay. But he's awfully noisy, "I couldn't sleep." So Ted and Mark do some 'sharing' of their own, borrowing Tom's clothes

15 One Cold Day - Oh dear, it's cold and the boiler's gone wrong, just when Kate's mother (Clare Austin) is coming from America. "She hates the cold." So a fire is lit and when Kate's mum arrives she finds Kate's face all blackened with soot. Luckily, some amateur repairs to the boiler get it going

16 Mark is Ill - Mark's been at a dance until 2am and though it's his turn to do the cleaning jobs, he pretends he has a pain in his arm, and goes back to bed. But when Ann examines his arm, Mark has some difficulty remembering which is the arm that is suffering. The doctor (Norman Bird) diagnoses "nothing wrong," so Ann adminsters some foul tasting medicine and Kate soaks Mark with water, so he might as well do the cleaning, and gets the last laugh chasing them with the hoover.

22 Albert- Kate is raving over a romantic novel so the boys write her an admiring letter, as in the story. It's from someone named Albert, who after flowers, even telephones, so Kate dates him. Ted dons a beard and sunglasses but Kate pulls them off to expose the tricksters. Still, it ends in smiles, "I like Albert" (No PL)

23 Mrs Yates' Nephew - Mrs Yates' nephew is coming to stay but when a vacuum salesman calls, he's mistaken for the newcomer. Ernie (Richard Jones Barry) unaccountably wants to demonstrate his cleaner and after a dusty failure, Mrs Yates returns with Charlie (an uncredited actor), her actual nephew

24 Come To The Dance - With two extra tickets for the dance, Mark gives one each anonymously to Kate and Ann. They both think that he's inviting them, buying new dresses for the occasion, leading to embarrassment for poor Mark

25 Lessons - This script is an early effort from George Layton and Jonathan Lynn. Ted can't paint, Mark can but he refuses to teach him, he's too lazy. The girls tease |Mark that he's not fit, he can't even lift a cupboard. But Ted can, when it's secretly emptied. That convinces Mark to agree to teach Ted to paint if Ted will take him running. Neither of these pupils are much good, Mark returns exhausted after his run on the common. Ted's picture is awful too, but the girls persuade Mrs Yates to admire it, to Mark's utter amazement

26 The Burglars - Beware! Burglars on the prowl. At night there are noises and plenty of fun as Ted and Mark come in late. Then thinking Mark is pretending to be a thief, Ted accidentally catches the real burglar (Terry Baker)

27 Fancy Dress - The most visual of the stories, Kate has bought a fairy costume for a fancy dress party, but "it doesn't look quite right."A sort through of Mrs Yates' old suitcase provides each housemate with a choice of costumes, though in the end they all choose to go as tramps. So another try, Ted isn't quite right as Julius Caeser, and opts for a painter's outfit. And even Mrs Yates gets the chance to go, wearing the discarded fairy costume!

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

SIX ENGLISH TOWNS
Broadcast on BBC2, three hugely enjoyable series on the architecture of selected English towns by Alec Clifton Taylor (1907-1985) . He explained why these particular towns were selected: each had to be visually attractive in the English tradition. necessarily small towns, so as to be covered well in half an hour.
These films are idiosyncratic, self-opinionated yet very intimate and appealing.
SIX ENGLISH TOWNS (1977)
1 Chichester
2 Richmond
3 Tewkesbury
4 Stamford
5 Totnes
6 Ludlow
SIX MORE ENGLISH TOWNS (1981)
1 Warwick
2 Berwick
3 Saffron Walden
4 Lewes
5 Bradford-on-Avon
6 Beverley
ANOTHER SIX ENGLISH TOWNS (1984)
1 Cirencester
2 Whitby
3 Bury St Edmunds
4 Devizes
5 Sandwich
6 Durham
Sadly, Clifton Taylor's death in 1985 robbed us of any more such programmes
Menu

.

.

.

.

Chichester
After opening shots, Alec introduces the town from The Trundle, where there is found flint "for the asking." A lecture on flints leads us to the ramparts on the line of the old Roman wall. A simple diagram shows the Roman street plan.
The first building he visits is the cathedral where "money was evidently short." He shows the three types of limestone used, before revealing the "calamity" that occurred in Victorian times. He climbs a rickety ladder to scaffolding (health n safety would surely object these days), explaining how the spire collapsed into the body of the church. An old photo illustrates. Then he shows us the modern altar tapestry, "gorgeous... but not for me." The two sculptures of the raising of Lazarus are "the most precious Romanesque sculptures in England." Finally to a 1260 wall painting, "gentle and tender." He shows the complex wood beams in a nearby building before taking us to the heart of the town, Market Cross, a present "and what a present" from the bishop, but with "a not very happy top knot!"
The Georgian houses in North Street have knapped flints, their Achilles heel, as he demonstrates, is the mortar. Then to Chichester's bricks, "a continual delight." His own enthusiasm comes over charmingly, so that even if you'd never thought about bricks, you do now. He points out the colour variations in an East Row house. However he seems less keen on some rendered properties. He admires a number of doors and their furniture, but one house is obscured by two large magnolias, which should be chopped down tomorrow! He approves of an ornate Georgian house, "just a merchant's house," built regardless of expense with an oak staircase. The 1733 Council House is "genial," and the restored main room is admired.
From old photos we see that the town has not changed that much, "small and compact, the almost perfect place." He draws some lessons for planners with a slightly stern mini sermon
Menu

.

.

.

.

Richmond
This opens with views and an old commentary on the town, Alec stands by the river, a large cobble caressing his hand. At the "magnificent site" of the Norman castle, he shows us herringbone masonry. He admires the "very lovely" ruined abbey.
Briefly, he visits Cornforth Bar, the only surviving portion of the old town wall, then the Greyfriars Tower, built at the zenith of the town's prosperity, then "a weird looking" obelisk in the centre. The town declined from 1500 with knitting the main trade. He stands in local quarries, source of building materials, showing us examples, including a twentieth century bank, "how satisfying the stone is!"
He illustrates a bastard stone, "limestone father, sandstone mother" before coming on to what was to be a familiar bugbear, virginia creeper. The brickwork at The King's Head is "not very attractive" either.
Inside the 1788 theatre, now restored, we find an authentic Georgian theatre where he stands proudly on stage, then sits in a box to explain the internal decorations.
The story of Richmond Bridge is related, then to a Gothik house and Culloden Tower where "alas time and hooligans have done their worst." Soft music accompanies his tour of the latter edifice, which seems not so badly vandalised.
He comments on several fine doors, including that at the railway station, now converted into a garden centre "with enterprise and imagination." He rales against dilapidated stations which could be put to new uses. The council comes in for stick with commonplace 1930's houses in a prominent position, as well as some ugly modern properties, "how can planning permission have been given?" Better examples of sympathetic post war building in a conservation area are more "encouraging."
He concludes with a little semron, "preserve what is worth preserving"
Menu

.

.

.

.

Tewkesbury
Baron de Spencer, died 1348, starts the programme off, alongside his wife buried in the parish church. The town was closely linked with the monastery with its munificent endowments. Alec admires the stonework, fine vaulting and fourteenth century stained glass, " a grand brooding presence." From the top of the 205 step tower, he shows us the landscape and the "odd plan" of the town, hemmed in by the river and abbey grounds. He shows us a few stone buildings, but this material was too expensive for locals, who in medieval times used wood and plaster. He enjoys the "intoxicated looking" jetties on one Tudor house, and explains the value of the jetty. He expresses his marked preference for unpainted timbers as found at the museum and in the restored Abbey Cottages.
He tells of William Morris who prevented the over restoration of the church. Then makes his own protest against the "misguided" restoration of a property above a florists, even though the interior offers fines carving. The old mill he stands in front of. He tells of the town's trades including mustard and stocking making, mentioned by Defoe in his visit of 1723.
He shows us some brick buildings and expresses his preference for 4x3 Georgian window panes, as found in the vicarage, in front of which he expansively explains the technique of making crown glass.
He looks at key blocks with various decorative motifs over windows, and gives the thumbs up to one Georgian staircase.
Telford's 1826 structure over the Severn was his "handsomest bridge." The railways passed by the town and so helped preserve its character from Victorian modernists. But one 1906 "intruder" was the public library, which appallingly used machine pressed bricks. Even worse is an admittedly awful 1960's shopping centre, "deplorable" Alec calls it.
But all in all, he believes the town's character has been well preserved

Menu

.

.

.

.

Stamford
The shallow limestone Collyweston quarry starts us off. Looking like some prison chain gang, men are seen shaping the tiles. Three miles away lies Stamford, where Alec stands on a (flat) rooftop, pointing out the slates with all kinds of curious names. He admires the town's many mansard roofs.
In 1697 Celia Fiennes visited and was impressed, in 1829 Turner painted it. Stone Ford was the original name, since stone was the main building material here.
The town, originally walled, grew up north of the river, and today's traffic problem is shown with its dog leg main road.
Alec visits the ruined abbey in Barnack ragstone. Churches number five, originally the town boasted more than twice that. He shows us inside St Martin's with its grand marble monumebnt to Lord Burghley. That leads us to Burghley House which Defoe said "looks more like a town." Alec shows us its "veritable forest of chimneys," which he describes as "extravagant." The grounds designed in around 1760 by Capability Brown are extensive.
Timber framed houses here are rare, he dislkies one in "boudoir pink." Georgian houses predominate, many in aslar, some badly in need of a clean, "all you need are brushes and water!" He shows how the "exuberant" architraves and keystones come straight out of a pattern book.
He introduces us briefly to the silver civic plate, which rpoves how the town prospered in these times. The George is the most famous coaching inn, but the arrival of the railway was only via a Midland branch, Alec stands on the platform: it's unclear whether the main line avoided the town because of local opposition, or whether it would have been bypassed anyway.
He admires a superior terrace of houses built in 1830 which make "a dignified impact." He expresses his own preference for such terraced housing.
Stamford was the first town to be designated a conservation area

Menu

.

.

.

.

Totnes
Alec can't resist showing us, from his first class railway seat, the Devon sandstone coast. Then he arrives in Totnes, a car drives us up the main street.
The River Dart was the reason for the town's importance. On top of the castle, Alec stands amid the turrets, "nothing to see inside." He offers a lecture on a local building material called tuff, which is distracting as his hair needs a brush, waving in the wind. Sandstone was preferred for the church. He admires the timber framed properties around Eastgate, inside one he shows us fine wooden panelling and beautiful ceiling friezes, the best example dated 1625. In the Council Chambers, he rales against the 1974 legislation which "played havoc with civic pride."
Hung slates are abundant in the town. The 1927 Post Office is praised as it is in character. He doesn't specially like some painted slates elsewhere.
Then a typical Clifton-Taylor moment. A lesson in pointing, a stone building can be nade or marred by it. One he stands by is "exactly right, subdued and unobtrusive." Next door is "a frightful botch," you wonder what the owners thought of his remarks!
Back to Eastgate, then a Stawberry Hill Gothic, and the covered shopping arcade. He likes two Georgian properties, though the school has a typical Alec bugbear, it is smothered with ivy, which must be "removed without delay." (Please to add that his wish came true.) As to modern properties, he almost approves of the block of flats by the river.
"A lively place," he concludes, "distinctive too"

Menu

.

.

.

.

Ludlow
The idyllic Shropshire Lad music accompanies the start of Alec's tour. The castle was started in 1090 and "the town grew up round it." The town was planned on a grid, with fine streets, "handsome" Mill Street and "unforgettable" Broad Street.
The keep is the earliest surviving portion of the castle, plus a ruined church chancel. Ludlow's 15th century church is also of stone. Very few graves in the churchyard, Alec discusses the merits and demerits of clearing old gravestones, and offers us one of his bete noires. Inside he admires the ceiling and the fine oake misericords, "full of social interest."
This leads him to Ludlow's timber framed properties, some patterns "a little excessive." He loves the "deblacked" wood, the Feathers Hotel being "the most exuberant" example. In here, is "an unsophisticated" chimney piece (it looked pretty detailed to me), plus a ceiling "choc-a-bloc with incident."
The Georgian houses exhibit a fad for Venetian windows, one with eight in total he regards as "over-egging the pudding." He admires a fine Georgian stone house, which boasts one fine fireplace.
He denigrates Victorian buildings generally, and here he finds one with "pasty faced bricks." The Market Hall of 1887 is the worst of these, Pevsner described it as "Ludlow's bad luck." Our modern contribution is no better, "ceaseless traffic."
Finally he sums up series one, all of the towns he has selected most importantly "belong." He praises the "corporate determination" of locals to preserve their towns
Menu

.

.

.

.

Warwick
After an intro to this new series, Alec shows us views of Warwick before revealing that in 1694 a fire ravaged the buildings. Several surviving timber framed houses are shown, but he disapproves most strongly of "the strident black and white treatment" of many. The old almshouse is specially striking, and he laughs at the fact that the most photographed section is not original, "facsimile replacement." The local stone is not long lasting as witness St John's House now a museum, as is the Old Market House were "the windows are visually a disaster."
The castle is, of course, shown from many angles. Alec stands on the roof staring at the ruined bridge, once the gateway to the town. On a diagram he shows the medieval town plan, before raling against modern traffic once again. He stands next to an early Gothic post box in Eastgate. St Mary's Church is given more time than the castle, despite one "ugly window." The 1706 clock is "delightful," and he admires the Beauchamp tomb.
In Northgate Street he goes inside the Crown Courtroom, with original furnishings, offering a nice aside about anyone convicted here. He talks about Smith, twice local mayor, responsible for building many houses after the fire. He studies the brick buildings, lingering at one divided into two, mocking the different coloured paints used on each. Some Georgian properties are shown, many sadly stuccoed, but Millers Place is one of the best.
The disgrace of the County Council's modern huge edifice is "out of keeping" and he is rightly dismissive of this appalling structure. But he can conclude with Defoe, "few towns in England make so fine an appearance"
Menu

.

.

.

.

Berwick-on-Tweed
"Should it be in Scotland?" But since 1482 it has been in England. Alec starts in the long main street Marygate, and though this is not "a seductive town" it certainly is one of character.
From the air we see the three bridges, the oldest surviving one erected by order of King James VI of Scotland. He takes to a boat to admre the 1064 foot long structure, before passing under the new road bridge started in 1924, "very bold, alas not elegant." Robert Stephenson's 1847 Royal Border Bridge offers "a stately procession" of arches in a long sweeping curve. The town's fortifications are its glory, and the castle once dominated the area, until the railway was constructed "slap through" the main hall, such vandalism being "a Northumbrian speciality."
He shows us the Elizabethan fortifications, almost one and a half miles in length, which quickly became a white elephant when James VI became James I of England. The barracks begun in 1717 have "a swagger" of an entrance, but are now empty. The church of 1652 has no tower or spire.
The prominent 1750s town hall is "no masterpiece," its best feature the steeple. From the top, Alec shows us the pantile roofs. Inside is the town gaol with some original cells.
The town suffered "ruthless disrespect" in the twentieth century, until in the 1970s, properties began to be restored. Some examples include "a handsome group" by the waterfront with tooled blocks. The Lions House now restored, is contrasted with a photo taken before its transformation. He likes it, though finds some "unfortunate" recent craftsmanship which he denigrates as "a botch." Wellington Terrace is also admired, with reservations, which include some "inept" reglazing. The Red Lion exhibits "architectural bad manners" by being colourwashed, unlike its neighbours. Of course The Bridge Hotel, which had once been "smothered in ivy" is praised as a model of fine renovation.
He concludes by congratulating the town on preserving its past so well
Menu

.

.

.

.

Saffron Waldon
Alec starts with the timber framed houses, "homely and unpretentious" in this market town. From the sixteenth century the trade in saffron gave the place its current title. Later, malting became the main business.
He visits the remarkable local youth hostel, once a malting. He takes exception to one timber framed row with its "unsightly nail holes." He also dislikes East Anglia's blacking of timbers, "a cruel way of treating oak." But he does appreciate the variety of colours used in plastering. He attempts to demonstrate the skill of pargetting on one section of wall, presumably later replastered. He admires the showpiece The Old Sun Inn, "quite unpredictable."
A barn with hand made tiles is shown, as well as other buildings with such tiles. Brick came in Elizabethan times. Unsurprisingly he slates the extensive Virginia creeper on one property. The Post Office has "fine brickwork" with "excellent" chamfering. He likes one Regency house in pale green stucco.
The plane trees "unhappily" have to suffer severe pollarding. Of course he complains that the town is "overendowed with traffic." The Eight Bells Inn, he says, has been struck six times of late! He has to shout over the noise of the lorries, urging one immutable rule, "no street lighting."
Swan Lodge is one of the few flint buildings, apart from the church, whose limestone he admires, even if some masonry is "crude." The tower is particularly well restored. "great nobility" in the interior, though he dislikes the "very feeble" stained glass, "insipid." Equally derided is the "heavy lump" of the 1924 rood screen.
Audley End House c1616 was then the largest house in England, but "not the most beguiling of Jacobean houses." To conclude, he praises the traditional materials used in Saffron Waldon
Menu

.

.

.

.

Lewes

Alec sits on the South Downs handling flint, "plenty of it in Lewes." The Normans built the castle with two mottes. By the eighteenth century it had become "a super gazebo," a place to enjoy the view. He admires the barbican, with its "refined" flintwork. More flint homes in a road with cobblestones like "petrified kidneys."
He compares two Georgian houses, number 139 is "pretty crude" while next door is praised. He likes another house which has rounded flints, "immensely worth it." Another house praised is Southover Grange. He shows sandstone tiles, and hung tiles from Devon or Cornwall." He likes these "less urbane" hung tiles, though insists these must not be machine made. He even likes some asbestos nail tiles. He looks at timber framed houses, then two churches with shingles, though he dismisses both.
Mathematical tiles is a speciality of Lewes, seen on over 60 houses. He shows us one such tile, and another black glazed. He demonstrates how one is fitted, exhibiting, as he says, "a chronic lack of expertise." Bartholomew House is one fine example. The 1784 Friends Meeting House exhibits both types of tile.
He looks at bow fronted shop windows, useful for "social and snobbery reasons." He points to the pleasing variety of bricks on one Queen Anne house. He shows bricks used in twittens, and stucco on The White Hart and Castle Place, with its two pilasters. He shows some shops with ironwork, including Elphicks. The tower of Harvey's brewery is attractive
Menu

.

.

.

.

Bradford-on-Avon
"A most attractive small industrial town," starting with views of some handsome houses. Wool was the source of local wealth, and we see one surviving cloth mill, and a terrace of workers' houses. Alec climbs steps to the top of the hill where some Georgian houses have kitchens hewn out of caves. The Old Manor House is contrasted with another house front, where the window glazing bars have been removed, "what a price to pay." Another such house is shown in Kingston Road. But he likes Westbury House, where the bars have been reinstated.
One of the "noble" houses is Church House from 1732, with a Venetian window, next door to which is a property "with a quizzical air." The finest house however is just outside the town, Belton Court, "a very proud building," whose architect Wood described it as "the best that had yet been executed." Alec examines the stonework in detail. Then shows us two of the interior rooms, one ocatagonal, whose ceiling is praised. The "modest" garden is admired.
The "sweaty" nature of the industry resulted in "a miserable existence," not many of the workers' small timber buildings survive. But he does find one 168 foot barn with a massive oak roof, though the outside is all of stone, even the roof, which his eyes dwell lovingly upon. But other red roofs are "inharmonious... not right here." He stands by large slabs of stone in Westbury Quarry, one four ton slab is seen being removed. He shows us some lesser quality stone, including that on the aqueduct, which has been patched up with bricks, "a real eyesore."
Stephen Moulton's vulcanisation industry became the main employer in Victorian times, his home from 1848 was "a spectacular piece of display," an Elizabethan house dating from about 1600. Sitting by one of the huge bay windows, Alec enthuses over this "masterpiece." He shows us the very local quarry from where the stone had been obtained.
Finally the little Saxon church, "drastically reconstructed," and the bridge with "a blind house." He sums up the town as one "full of Georgian delights"
Menu

.

.

.

.

Beverley
The train rattles over the flat East Riding as Alec first sights the minster, "like a vast ship on the level sea of fields." The second finest minster (after Westminster), and "what a parish church!"
He admires the beautiful west front before we enter reverently to see it "in all its pristine perfection." He draws a sharp lesson for modern architects about adding new extensions. As Alec mounts the clerestorey, we see the Purbeck marble, and the main vault surprisingly, unlike the main building, not of stone but brick. He demonstrates how the carved stonework was raised by a 15 ft winch. Other delights include the east window and a splendid decorated tomb. In front of a view of St Mary's Church is seen the main street with the 1714 Market Cross. He finds timber buildings out of place here. In Newbiggin he castigates some poor brickwork with "grotesquely inept" repointing.
Music commences as we view briefly other houses and then focus on the pantiles, which made "a complete conquest of the north east," and are "one of Beverley's greatest assets." He shows us the excellent stucco decoration on one house, now a school, then some elaborate cornices, and then into "the elegant courtroom" of the 1760s with its "glorious ceiling." A staircase gives "aesthetic pleasure," and he also praises the wrought iron panels in St Mary's Manor. The only problem at Bar House is his familar complaint, "incessant traffic." This must be excluded. He gives thanks for a new bypass.
Finally he sums up the series positively, noting "encouraging signs"

Menu

.

.

.

.

Cirencester

Alec is in the "most succulent" Cotswolds, in his element, "stone is everywhere." A mini tour to music ends at the Roman amphitheatre. Floor mosaics were status symbols then. and he points out the varying colours of one mosaic from varying sources.
He enjoys giving variants of the town's name, such as Cicestre. The Augustine abbey has only a gate that survives, at the dissolution the stones were there "for the taking" to build local houses. The church tower he declares is "not a success" but the 1490 church is "truly sumptuous" even if "not exactly lovable." He shows us a stone pulpit and admires a fan crested vault, "beautifully crisp." He climbs the 205 steps to the tower with some protest at the cost (50p), and from the top shows us the market place. He approves of the painted stucco that "blends harmoniously," his only complaint is one out of place timber framed hotel, "a rather meaningless doodle!"
The Victorian Corn Hall he likes, one of many ashlar buildings on the other side of the market place. In Thomas Street he finds the Weavers Hall, "venerable rather than appealing." The thriving wool trade brought new prosperity, he shows us one house that tries to be Georgian, that is in fact "a bit rustic." But the interior he likes. Cecily Hill is the town's most elegant street. But he scorns one house, formerly a school which has Gothic bay windows. He loves the "glorious elevation" of one 1725 home. The most individual property is in Castle Street, built in about 1720 with Venetian windows. The most imposing house is the 1714-8 Cirencester House, screened by a 42 foot high hedge. The original owner used a local mason, which makes the whole "decidedly plain." But its glory is the 10,000 acre grounds
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Whitby
Starting at the abbey churchyard, a passage from Dracula (1897) is read. Alec shows us the ruined abbey, which just about survives, "so much, so well."
The Abbey House is "shamelessly Victorian," with one "very odd" banqueting house now a roofless shell. St Mary's Church is "not of any great consequence" except for the interior which is an "unforgettable" illustration of Georgian design, seating two hundred.
After admiring some graves, he descends the 199 sandstone steps to the town. It was dependent on the sea, so sailors' cottages in The Yards are shown, one with an outside loo, "what a long way to go in the rain!"
He disapproves of some "truly ghastly" rhythm pointing but enthuses about the V shape carved on the stones. Pictures of Whitby's very long windows include one with sixty panes.
Some larger properties are admired, one with a very elaborate architrave. Less imposing is the Georgian Working Men's Club, "just look at it now."
Then to Brunswick Terrace, "a trifle naive, but very endearing," and St Hilda's Terrace, the best address in town he claims. But he shows one house that has been spoiled, without explaining why: he needn't, since the modern windows are indeed an eyesore. That leads Alex to The Old Smuggler with some Yorkshire sash windows.
Victorian tourist developments included the Royal Cresecent, but this area is architecturally "very dull." He does like The Seaman's Hospital though the rear facade offers "economy class behind." He dwells on one Victorian property not listed, though it ought to be. Then a brief glimpse at The Nastiest Building- at that time used by Woolworth, but he is positively approving over a 1980 supermarket with pantile roofs "in the full spirit of Whitby."
His final remarks confirm his opening positive judgement that "Whitby has preserved its identity"
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Bury St Edmunds
"A deliberately planned town" with the Georgian elegance of Angel Hill, though he complains of the one way traffic system through the town which misses the view of the gate tower. The 1180 house, now a museum, with an added "ridiculous" turret. But he admires the vaulted interior, then the "enjoyable" old Guildhall. Timber framed properties include Cupola House, and many of the houses visited by Celia Fiennes at the end of the seventeenth century which were "old and rambling." His comment on Suffolk Pink is priceless, "the further it gets away from strawberry ice cream the better."
A mini lecture is reserved for a house with three styles of fine windows, before he visits one with "a very dreadful fascia board" with an extraordinary late Victorian embellishment. Inside a well preserved timber framed shop, he declares it "one of the most beautiful in England." He praises many of Bury's original shop fronts.
The Presbyterian Church of 1709 is an early example of brickwork. Local clays were darker, coming into fashion towards the end of this century. Then he remonstrates, not for the first time, against Virginia Creeper. He shows a plaque to Louis Philippe, "yes, but what did he do here? Have a cup of coffee!"
Inside the altered Atheneum, he admires its "most elegant" ballroom with a double staircase. To one "enjoyable" hall by Robert Adam, then the old prison with its formidable architecture in Rutland Stone, whose composition he talks about. The 1819 Theatre Royal is "pleasantly unmemorable" on the outside, but its restored interior is "all most agreeable." The 1861/2 Corn Exchange offers an imposing portico. He contrasts the local employers, with a large Vicroian brewery and a 1920's beet factory.
He returns to Angel Hill where the council offices are "uninspired but at least well behaved." Not so the modern health centre. He loves the recently extended cathedral, "lively and dignified." He has had so much to see, it has been all too rushed. But he concludes that Bury is thankfully "conservation conscious"
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Devizes
"a quaint name," where the castle is a "film set."
From the air, the ancient street plan is obvious. He starts at "a pantomime creation," which brings on a few poetic couplets.
He admires a 1480 house "of some importance," with a bargeboard. Also another "looking very sorry for itself." By the church he finds some timber framed cottages infilled with brick, not Taylor-approved. Elm Tree Inn's pebbledash, which he declares is "tarted up," leads to a long joke about porridge and pebbledash.
Defoe's comments on the town are followed by a reminder that the wool trade brought about Devizes' prosperity. Symbol of this is the market cross "architecturally wonderfully varied." Finest Georgian building is Brownstone House, however "what has our own century contributed to this house? A new roof. Just look at it! These harsh machine-made tiles on a building of this quality are shocking. How any responsible person came to authorise them is a mystery." He scorns an "inept" statue on a provincial stone building, while Clock House is "not very skilful." The 1868 town hall is more accomplished, indeed it is "elegant, the gem among the buildings of Devizes."
He shows us the canal with 29 locks, then being restored. It enabled Bath stone to be transported to the town, for such as the 1835 Assize Court, the Market Hall "plain but dignified," and a more florid hall of 1857. He stands outside a semi detatched property, Rowans, then enters to challenge us with which of the two colours of stucco paint we prefer.
Obviously in jocular mood, he asks "what would Devizes be without the Bear Hotel? ... And the answer is- wait for it - unbearable." The "overpowering" brewery of 1885 at least has "character," but one moan is rightly reserved for the modern Co-op shop, "a visual offence." He also dislikes the concrete lampstands, which should be steel, "specially offensive in Devizes." Though in general, he concedes, the place is "delightful"
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Sandwich
We see this cinque port's ramparts, dating to 1380. Alec admires the church roof and Norman tower. Of the five gates, only Fishergate survives, "a disorderly patchwork" of flint. Flint is also found at The Barbican in a checker pattern with "rather crude" flintwork, but this is not true of other flint buildings, of which Pelican House is the most impressive.
A unique row of 41 timber framed houses, only let down by some pf their windows. A few carvings survive, including a centaur, "what a shame the poor creature has lost his nose!"
The town went into decline when the river silted up, but Netherlands refugees restored the town's fortunes, among their contributions are a school and the restoration of a church. Brick tumbling on the surrounds of the garden gate at King's Lodgings is another example
A sequence illustrates the variety of pantile roofs. He stands outside The Old Dutch House, "not completely successful," and unfortunately smothered with whitewash. He scorns the colours used, "strawberry ice cream ... vanilla ... weak cafe au lait ... French mustard ... battleship grey, the aesthetic propriety of whitewashing brickwork is controversial. In general," he concludes, "the better the bricks the less the justification for it."
We are shown numerous attractive Georgian doors, though he disapproves of "anomalous" bullseye windows. Of the Victorian buildings, a hotel is admired, though some of it is "a bit of a joke." He points out the numerous mistakes made in the restoration of St Thomas' Hospital. St John's cottages are much better, now restored, with beautiful gardens.
This leads him to The Salutation of 1912 designed by Lutyens, "the greatest English architect of the last hundred years." Alec loves the proportions of the house and enjoys the well kept gardens, an "extravagant" recent property that enhances the town's landscape
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

3.6 DURHAM
Alec starts at a quarry by the River Wear, source of the stone for "the finest Romanesque building in the world."
Maybe the houses in the city are "modest," but those facing the cathedral enjoy a "remarkable" view. He walks up the "well proportioned" aisle, admires the pillars, then enthuses over the "elegance" of the Galilee Chapel. Everything is shown reverentially, camera lingering briefly on many features of note. The huge door has a giant knocker "with cavernous shadows." Then the immense towers, "the aggregatuion of small effects." However the main tower does have one serious defect -that's a rare moan- even if it is still "most majestic." However he reckons the outside doesn't quite match up to the interior.
He admires the College Close, in the shadow of the architectural giant, then turns to the restored castle, "how grand this Norman castle was!" As we lose ourselves in he Great Hall, Alec reminds us of the erstwhile power of the Bishop of Durham. Up the Black Staircase, with its carving, and to the Norman chapel, "survived greatly intact." Bishop Cosin's Hall on the Green is "rather splendid," even though the bricks "aren't really very nice," and its doorway "slightly ridiculous!" He even shows us the bishop's coach house, now public conveniences, "few loos can hold their heads so high."
Down the Bailey, not greatly appreciated, he shows an enormous shell hood dating from 1910. The gem of the bridges is Prebends. He even likes the modern Kingsgate Bridge, even if "decidedly over praised," pointing out its faults. He approves the new road which solved Durham's traffic congestion, however he loathes the ugly National Savings Bank, but puts in a good word for Milburngate Shopping Centre.
Back to the cathedral to examine the renovation work, "a bit raw." Then on the railway platform, time 11.35, he sums up the series. An Inter City pulls in, and Alec boards, first class of course. We watch as it pulls away over the viaduct
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson (1979)
A quarter of a century after he had first produced a tv series about Conan Doyle's celebrated detective, Sheldon Reynolds produced another series of twenty four 25 minute stories in Poland, this time offering a measured performance by Geoffrey Whitehead, with Donald Pickering as Doctor Watson, and Patrick Newell as Inspector Lestrade who was really only a comic foil to the duo. Kay Walsh appears sporadically as Mrs Hudson. Some of the stories were lightly rewritten from the earlier series.

1 A Motive for Murder
Script and direction by Sheldon Reynolds.
Dr Watson describes his first encounter with Sherlock Holmes in the winter of 1881. At 221B Baker Street, Mrs Hudson tips him off about the man, "bit strange... one of the most extraordinary men of the times." Certainly this great detective deduces a lot about DrW before they even start talking.
"There's been a murder," that's a message SH receives from Anthony Denham (Norman Bird), solicitor to George Markham, the dead man. At the scene of the crime, they encounter a satisfied Inspector Lestrade who apparently has solved the case, at least to his own satisfaction, "I know who did it."
The dead man, wealthy Markham had made his fortune in the US gold rush. His niece Andrea will inherit his fortune, so she is the one about to be arrested.
But SH has worked out that someone will return to the place, and after a patient wait he's proved right. SH and DrW watch as Andrea's half brother Peter (Julian Fellowes) opens the safe, places a gun in an urn and burns the will.
"I'm going to arrest him," declares the impetuous Inspector L. But what L and DrW have witnessed is evidently completely other to what SH has seen! Ridiculous, ludicrous, blusters L, but SH is right of course. Andrea is now clearly innocent, but SH persuades her to confess, SH carefully observing the killer's reactions as she does so.
That draws the real killer into the open with a desperate attempt to kill her in her bedroom. However SH is on hand and L can finally arrest the correct killer.
A Lestrade gaffe. He remarks to DrW, "you must be put off by the sight of a corpse." "Dr W (stiffly), "I'm a doctor."
Uncredited speaking roles: 1 Messnger. 2 Policeman
Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Speckled Band
A well made highly condensed version of the Conan Doyle story, only the music a little obtrusive, tension well maintained though you wish the budget might have stretched to getting Christopher Lee to play the evil Count. No Lestrade in this tale.

A snake slithers into the bedroom of a young sleeping beauty. She screams. Downstairs, alone in the dark, an elderly man listens impassively.
Mrs Langley (Melissa Stribling) is worried about a letter she has received from her niece Helen, whose twin sister Julia had recently died, "frightened to death." SH and DrW are engaged and they take the boat train and reach an imposing country house in Bavaria, the property of Helen (Victoria Tennant), who is cared for by her stepfather, The Count. He is a wealthy art collector, though both visitors think he has more fakes than Rembrandts, DrW being sure one Meissen piece is not genuine.
Helen is suffering from lack of sleep, diagnoses the doctor. She relates how Julia couldn't sleep, being kept awake by a whistling sound, her dying words had been incoherent, "something about a speckled band."
Lucifer is the Count's savage dog, you wouldn't want to meet it on a dark night. This night he is on the prowl, Helen "sleeping like a baby" in her room which is locked. SH wisely awakes her and gets her to move to another bed, so when the snake slithers in, it finds nothing. A whistling sound, and SH informs the baffled DrW the case is solved. All the clues are there SH says, though the doctor can't piece them together.
The pair now occupy Helen's room, and await the Count's next move. SH orders his partner, "watch the bell rope." Sliding in is one snake. Exit same snake injured, bruised by SH's beating it with his stick.
"It's more dangerous now," and a scream confirms this. The Count is no more. Oh dear.
Back at 221B, Mrs Hudson brings in a large box, a gift from Helen. Inside is the Meissen figure
Sherlock Holmes Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Murder on a Midsummer's Eve
Lord Warminster is involved in "a terrible argument" with his host Albert Neale, a lawyer. The latter dies, the former disappears.
Lady Warminster (Colette Gleeson) is convinced her husband is innocent of the crime for which Inspector Lestrade is waiting to arrest him. "He's guilty all right, there's no doubt about that," announces the confident L. In a comedy interlude, Mrs Mulligan the maid, tells SH, who has agreed to investigate, that there had been this loud argument. It was Mrs Neale who had discovered the corpse, and she hadn't phoned the police straight away. Mrs Neale (Sue Lloyd) herself can't guess any motive for the murder.
Dr W expounds his own theory to SH, though SH knocks it flat. Nevertheless, a liaison between Lord Warminster and Mrs Neale supplies a motive.
SH in his turn, surmises that a letter from Lord Warminster's bankers holds the clue to the mystery. He's right, naturally!
L is reluctantly persuaded to exhume Neale's corpse, to L's great embarrasmment it seems this is not Neale at all, but Lord Warminster. We see Neale (Robin Parkinson) who is hiding in his home, shielded by his wife. He'd been swindling his employer Lord Warminster, who had just found the truth out.
Albert, for not entirely clear motives, kidnaps Lady Warminster, in order to obtain enough cash to flee the country. But the cab he takes just happens to be driven by SH and Neale is promptly arrested.
Lady Warminster thanks her rescuer, and L has egg on his face. SH explains both to him and Dr W how their theories had fallen down, though he doesn't elucidate his own methods in this very slight tale

Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Four Minus Four is One
Script: Ian Bishop. Director: Sheldon Reynolds.
In a London pea souper, a bobby finds a man hanging from a lamp post, shot by an arrow. Scotland Yard is of course baffled, which is why Paul Devon approaches SH. He's one of a team four professors who had been excavating in Egypt. He feels there must be a curse on them, for Professor Martin had died trying to open the sarcophagus, now there's this second death. He's worried for the safety of Professor Taunton whose ship has just docked at Liverpool, and at this moment is travelling down to London to stay with his niece.
Devon leaves it to SH, but the great detective is unable to prevent Devon's murder, as he departs in a hansom cab. Shot with a bow and arrow.
Inspector Lestrade is baffled, as ever. But even SH claims to be confused. But for once DrW has solved the case, find Professor Taunton, "he's the murderer," for, "there's noone else." Of course SH disagrees, the mathematics is all in favour of DrW, but SH is of course infallible, hence the title of this story.
They call on Miss Taunton, and as they wait for the front door to be opened, someone shoots an arrow at them, but misses. They enter and SH gallantly opens the unopened sarcophagus. He knows what he'll find inside... Taunton's corpse.
SH gets L to place a police guard on the house.A baffled L agrees, watching with DrW as the funeral men collect the sarcophagus. "What are we supposed to do now?"
They follow the hearse which transports the coffin to Turner's Funeral Parlour. "What are we supposed to do now?"
Here Miss Turner is attacked, but leaping out the coffin is SH. His absence is thus explained. He prevents her murder.
Back in Baker Street SH is annoyingly silent. The very curious and unsatisfied DrW, receiving no encouragement, stalks out of the room. But we have seen that the murderer is----
Get back to the Sherlock Holmes Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of The Perfect Crime
The plot is identical to the 1954 Holmes story, The Case of The Neurotic Detective. It's a fun story, not surprising it was used again.
Directed by Roy Stevens.

1886. State secrets are being stolen by London's greatest ever criminal. "What inn thunder are Scotland Yard doing about it?" thunders DrW. As if in answer, here is Inspector Lestrade ("not that I really need any help"), and he is inevitably completely baffled. Even worse, SH refuses to offer his usual insights, claiming he is too busy. The latest robbery is of the royal ceremonial jewels from the National Museum.
DrW is puzzled and indeed worried, for has he spotted the missing jewels in his friend's tobacco tin? He decides he had better follow the "erratic" detective, but inevitably SH spots him and he has to call it off. But still determined, he diguises himself as a cabby, but SH sees through him again, "there's a corner of your beard that's motheaten!"
But the cabby does pick up a passenger who is also following SH, destination 816 Bleak Street. Overheard is a conversation between SH, a man and two women, with Holmes uttering the baffling, "we are the most successful thieves England has ever seen."
Fearing for his friend's sanity, DrW consults Professor Alfred Fishblade (Robert Goody), but he seems more than a little odd himself. In a role reversal, SH starts to analyse the professor.
That scheme having failed, DrW confides his fears in L. "I can't believe," cries the inspector. The pair try to employ SH's deductive methods to work out what SH is up to.
At a Turkish minister's home, SH attends a magnificent ball, an unusally spacious scene for this series. DrW and L conceal themselves in the room waiting for SH to crack the safe, and sure enough the once great detective creeps in. However he doesn't open the safe, for he has spotted DrW's feet catelessly concealed behind the long curtains. Then the Commissioner of Scotland Yard enters to congratulate SH, much to L and DrW's amazement. SH had been on an official assignment to test and expose the weaknesses in national security.
"Why didn't you tell me?" complains a dispirited DrW. Crestfallen L can only gulp.
Over a slightly frosty meal next day, SH is wondering whether DrW had ever thought he were King of England

Uncredited speaking part: female criminal
Sherlock Holmes Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of Harry Rigby

A policeman is smoking on duty when he espies a man lying on the pavement, knifed in the back, in his hand a letter for Sherlock.
"The Case That Got Away" is how the newspapers describe it. "A case Sherlock Holmes could solve but not prevent." A jovial Lestrade is worried once more. He knows who the killer is. His men had been watching where Harry Rigby, an escaped bank robber, had been hiding. He had three accomplices in this robbery, and the dead man is Rogers, one of his gang. But Rigby has the perfect alibi for this crime, for police know he never left the house where he was.
A note from another of Rigby's accomplices to SH is followed by his appearance at 221B, dead on arrival.
Mrs Sarah Bailey (Cheryl Kennedy) is the wife of the only surviving member of the trio of accomplices. She works at The Crown in Allen Street but refuses SH's offer of help. Her husband Charlie is in hiding, and she won't say where.
Yet another note, this one from Charlie himself, asking to meet SH at midnight. At the appointed hour the rendezvous is kept, only Charlie has a knife in his back. Mrs Bailey is not amused, she thought "the famous Sherlock Holmes" could have protected him. L also is on the sharp end of her tongue, "I'm going to kill Rigby," she cries.
Yet Rigby has this watertight alibi again. SH puzzles it out. He asks L for a ruler. Mystified, L obliges. Then SH announces the "obvious" solution, that Rigby never left his rooms. The ruler is used to prove Rigby is not the murderer, for the angle of incision of the knife wounds indicates a shorter person.
Returning to the pub, SH informs Sarah Bailey that the mystery is solved. Rigby has been set free. But when she leaves her pub, she is confronted by Rigby. "I did it for us," she cries, they can share the bank loot. But the man to whom she utters these words ain't Harry Rigby, but DrW in disguise. She is condemned out of her own mouth.
In the final scene we see the inspector who is glowing with pride having been praised by his superior for solving the case. However he has to ask DrW what on earth is meant by the angle of the knife wound

To the Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Blind Man's Bluff
A sailor is murdered in Limehouse, this follows on from another sailor killed in Liverpool. Suggestions of another Jack the Ripper? No, not this time, we can recognise in his dark glasses the actor John Carson who plays the murderous Vickers.
Inspector L has dropped in for tea. It's DrW he wants. Can he identify this object? It's a chicken leg with a ribbon tied round it. Found with both dead sailors. The two agree but look baffled. The all knowing SH chips in, to explain it's a death warning in Trinidad.
Dr Jonas of the Kensington Marine Hospital receives such a leg. He claims he has no connection with the sailors and ridicules the suggestion, which L has annexed as his own, that the solution be found in Trinidad. SH pointedly tells Jonas that he's a fool to lie. Afterwards, the doctor receives a blind visitor who reminds him of his spell as a ship's doctor on the Gloria North.
Without asking, SH searches the hospital records for data on Jonas, "Holmes that's unethical." The evidence that he had served on the Gloria North is discovered. But they cannot confront Jonas as they find him dead. "One more to go," announces SH. The captain is next on the killer's list. His name is Captain Pitt.
A blind man opens Pitt's door when SH comes calling. Of course it's Vickers. SH is admitted. Vickers claims to be a friend of the captain, staying with him while he is in London. Helpfully, SH explains the reason for his visit. "You're not blind," claims the perceptive detective. Question: "where did you hide the body?" Vickers explains his motive, a good one. The ship smuggled slaves from Trinidad to England, amongst them Vicker's wife and child, ditched overboard to their deaths when officials were about to find out the truth. Vickers points his sword at SH.
Enter Inspector L to make his arrest, branding an improbable gun.
Back in Baker Street, L brings a present he had found on his desk."What does it mean?" Maybe another death threat, though we can but suspect it's a joke by the great detective
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

A Case of High Security
Inside a top secret government building, a young employee called Carter has shut himself in a booby trapped room, promising to blow himself and the building up in an hour's time. Inspector Lestrade is, as ever, at a loss as to how to proceed. There's only one man he can turn to, SH.
He rushes to Baker Street, but the great man is out for a walk, "just when I really need him." When SH does return, he frustrates poor L in his dilatoriness in reaching the scene of the crime. Even when he gets there he is "apparently unconcerned," which as Dr W notes, is the keynote to his great ability.
SH admires the outside of the building even as L rushes to the room. Head of the department Sir Charles (Derek Bond) thanks SH for coming, and supplies details of Carter's background.
Nothing as unsubtle as breaking the door down will work, but SH is more interested in why Carter is apparently not scared, unlike L for example, of any explosion. Sir Charles supplies a list of the contents of the room, and SH notes there is no ink or paper there, yet Carter has passed under the door two notes to police.
Confident there is no danger, SH bravely enters. He finds Carter dead. "That's impossible," declares the baffled L.
While the corpse is removed, SH explains to Sir Charles and his assistant (Julian Fellowes) what it all means, and after a neat trick exposes a dangerous spy.
Congratulations back in 221B. SH congratulates a surprised L on his masterful acting, certainly L is more Lestradish than ever in this one

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of Harry Crocker
Here is The Case of the Disappearing Escape Artist, and Inspector Lestrade thought he had arrested him!

Harry Crocker (John Judd) is accused of the murder of a dancer, Miss King, but he claims he is innocent. He appeals to SH.
Inspector L comes a-searching for him at 221B. Crocker hides in the cupboard. Triumphantly L opens to make his arrest, but the cupboard is bare. L departs frustrated.
SH very much admires the way Crocker seems to be able to disappear at will and promises to investigate.
A second arrest, and a second escape. Willis the stage doorkeeper (Robert Gillespie) explains to SH that he'd seen Miss King and Crocker leave the theatre together on the fateful night. Miss Za-Za (Stacey Dorning) who'd discovered the corpse, mentions a locket Miss King wore, that wasn't on her body. Harry has it. He must be guilty.
At the morgue, SH explains his deduction to DrW that the attacker was someone Miss King knew very well.
A trunk in the theatre is Harry's latest hiding place. A frustrated L this time places handcuffs on him. But SH points out his innocence via the great trunk trick. SH denounces the murderer and proves his case; "you overlooked something," he informs the guilty party.
To conclude SH performs a disappearance worthy of the great Harry Crocker. The pair swap professional secrets. Then back at 221B, SH materialises via his cupboard

To the Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Deadly Prophecy (no Lestrade)
This plot and story are all but identical to #22 in the 1954 series.

4am in a boys' school dormitory in Belgium. A boy seems to be sleepwalking. Antoine leaves the building, walking down the street, followed by the matron Mlle Marie Grande and the headmaster Henri Carolan. The lad enters a church, then returns back to school. But on the floor of the church are chalked the words Death for Carolan. This is not his first prediction of a death.
SH is brought in on the case when Mlle Grande asks him to come, after Carolan's death, even though it has been from natural causes. The new headmaster welcomes him. Holmes talks to Dr Dimanche who is positive Carolan had not been murdered, he had died of heart failure. The same was true of the other deaths, nothing suspicious.
Mme Soule is an old woman who sells potions, she'd offered them to the victims who had died. If only, she tells SH, they'd accepted they might not have died.
DrW is despatched to Paris to investigate the previous career of Dr Dimanche. SH stays at the school, keeping watch on Antoine, who again commences a nocturnal walk.
"Not tonight," SH stops him. Instead SH walks to the church, where he finds Mme Soule, who had been expecting the boy. A chalked message is already there, Death for Sherlock Holmes. She offers her a charm, for which he hands over 1,000 francs. A gun is fired at him. Missed.
Just before midnight, SH convenes the suspects. The killer, SH announces "he'll name himself!" Listening to him are Marie, the new headmaster, Dr Dimanche and a count.
All the victims were murdered, SH announces. The motive? The count had been blackmailed, or else his name would have been chalked on the church steps. SH explains. Antoine had been hypnotised and will come here to point out the person who had hypnotised him. That forces the killer to reveal his identity.
Back at 221B DrW is enjoying his pipe, enjoying that is, until SH says this "excellent" tobacco had belonged to the murderer

To the Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of The Baker Street Nursemaids
The plot is identical to the 1954 Holmes series, the script lightly rewritten, but the names of most of the main characters, and even the jokes are the same.

A basket is delivered to 221B Baker Street, and after much speculation SH opens it to reveal a screaming baby. SH knows many things, but he has to seek medical advice here, asking DrW if it's a boy. Enter L, "what's that?" he asked in surprised tones, and after the rather obvious suggestion, "you look," to see if it's a boy, the trio take turns in holding the child. "Make it a cup of tea," suggests the great detective, but after this comedy, he uncovers a note from the child's mother that seems to explain all.
Tony is the son of Dr Henri Monteron who has recently disappeared. He had just invented a ship that sails underwater.
However with DrW holding the baby, SH and L have left him to his fate, to be knocked unconscious and the baby snatched. "They've got the child." Admits SH improbably, "I've been a fool!" He receives another message warning him to keep off. It is actually signed, by a Count Tennow. He is planning to leave the country as soon as he has obtained the plans of the new ship.
"They are not here," the Count informs SH and DrW when they call on him. However a crying baby rather gives away the fact that he is lying. But the count holds all the aces and sends SH away. But as they depart, DrW smartly knocks out the butler and returns to the count, knocking him out also. Now he and SH are free to search the mansion, and little of SH's deductive skills are needed to locate the prisoners, only a spot of fisticuffs. Cries from Tony lead to the right room and the captors are overcome and the doctor, his wife and child are freed. SH blows the old whistle and that brings L and his police to arrest the kidnappers. "Everyone safe."
Yet one shock remains, for it turns out baby Toni is a girl. "Good thing we didn't look!"
Returning to Baker Street, SH is worried for a moment to find another basket. But it only contains fruit, a thank offering
Uncredited speaking parts: 1 Man delivering basket. 2 and 3 Two guards
Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Purloined Letter
Director: Val Guest.

SH plays cat and mouse in this story that featured Richard Greene as Lord Brompton.
In his lordship's home, a safe is cracked and an important document is removed. In making his getaway, the thief has to shoot a servant. Missing is a letter of obvious use to a blackmailer, for it has revelations about Brompton's days as a "wild youth."
SH is present in the house and though the burglar had not been recognised, he is able to deduce that it is David Ballard (Tony Caunter).
With Inspector L and DrW watching Ballard's home, SH climbs the steps to his room. The thief refuses to return the property, so SH starts his cat and mouse game. "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes during the day," he warns Ballard, since the document is so important. Ballard scoffs, but when he goes out, he is immediately threatened by the most nasty looking villains you ever saw, though all are L's men in disguise. Hastily, the scared thief retreats to his room.
SH is calmly waiting there and after initially being met with a refusal, is handed the letter. Now it's SH who is in danger, the man for whom Ballard was working will want that bit of paper!
SH also persuades Ballard to sign a confession as to who was paying him for the job, and his name is Dr Sergius (Arnold Diamond). "I believe you were expecting me," he tells SH as he enters 221B. Hand it over, over DrW will be shot dead- there's a gun pointed right at him.
So Sergius has to be given the letter, as well as Ballard's confession,which Sergius is happy to burn in SH's presence. The criminal departs, happy. Not that SH looks too unhappy.
At an important conference Lord Brompton makes his address. Sergius is there, and slyly places the document on the table, a warning to Brompton not to make his speech. When his lordship does continue, Sergius dramatically waves the piece of paper. But lo and behold, it is only Ballard's confession, one moreover that implicates Sergius.
"Couldn't have done it better myself," declares L modestly. Later, SH explains to him and DrW how he had done it

To Sherlock Holmes Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Travelling Killer
Director: Val Guest
A revolver is loaded. The killer enters a pawnbroker's shop, "you shouldn't have gone to the police." A gunshot and the victim is dead.
An agitated SH interrupts his breakfast when he reads in The Times of this murder. SH has detected a link between this killing and ones in Paris, Amsterdam and New York. In all four crimes, the murdered person had not been robbed, even though valuables could haver easily been stolen.
DrW is baffled why SH leaves his food untouched, so as to go to the pawnbroker's. Here "nothing is missing." While DrW is assigned to question the surgeon who conducted the post mortem, SH follows a young lady who had been peering through the shop window. Through streets thick with autumn leaves she walks, to a large ramshackle greenhouse. She says she doesn't know who murdered the man, yet she happens to have been in each of the four cities where the crimes were committed. She departs, begging SH not to follow.
SH uses his deductive powers to prove that the pawnbroker had confessed to the police that he was part of a gang of international thieves, stealing uncut diamonds (why Inspector L couldn't have told him, I can't say). The killings had been a warning to other members of the gang, not apparently very successful warnings. SH has further worked out the identity of the killer, Jacob Jenkins, a clown and owner of an international circus.
At the circus SH learns that the girl who had talked to him, Theresa, is dead, an accident on the trapeze. SH is next on the madman's list. SH proves to him that Theresa must have been murdered, and Jacob readies his gun. Enter L, for one of those familiar chases round the theatre, this one slightly different in that SH and DrW stand inexplicably motionless on the stage watching the police pursuit. They spring to action however when gunshots are fired. Tripping down some steps, the clown dies.
However SH hasn't caught the gang leaders. The case, he says, has only just started (I'm not sure when it finished)
Sherlock Holmes Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Sitting Target
Director: Aurelio Grugnola (the art director on this series).
Philip Rayburn and Michael Lambert were key witnesses six years ago in the trial that convicted Peter Channing (Tony Caunter). Now Rayburn has been gunned down outside his own home.
"I killed him," the evil Channing boasts to SH. "I'm going to kill Lambert too." Then he will do in SH, for the detective had been the one, of course, who had caused his arrest. "I'm going to enjoy breaking you." SH's response is to offer Channing a cup of tea.
"The man is a psychopath," observes DrW, though SH has his own devious scheme to avoid assassination. Inspector Lestrade is his unwitting dupe. SH plants Channing's notebook on a murder victim, Muldoon of 46 Begley Road. Confidently L arrests Channing, but since he can provide an alibi, L has to release him. Next a corpse materialises in Channing's digs, and the man is rearrested. Released and fed up, he shoots SH as he paces his Baker Street rooms. Or rather he shoots at an outline of SH's figure, "you'll have to do better than that," SH teases him.
So the wily Channing devises his own cunning plan. Channing's girl friend Sophie (Glynis Barber) is to pose as Lambert's niece in order to lead the great detective into a trap. As Priscilla Lambert, she spills a cock and bull story about her uncle. Naturally SH can see through her, and L agrees to follow Channing while SH plays the girl along. She leads him to an empty room, nothing there. Nobody there. Along a dark foggy street Channing has stalked them, and in a window he sees SH sitting, waiting. He shoots. That brings out L and his boys in blue to effect the arrest of Channing. His task had failed anyway, for SH yet lives and explains that in fact the criminal had been shooting at a mirror image of him, "extraordinary"
Notes: the shooting at a mirror element of this story is reminiscent of the shooting in the 1954 story, #23 The Christmas Pudding. Tony Caunter, who plays the villain with a fine sense of evil, had appeared earlier in the series, as a different criminal.
Uncredited speaking parts: 1 Rayburn. 2 PC Simpson
Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of The Final Curtain
The plot is identical to the 1954 Holmes story, The Case of The Impromptu Performance.
Directed by Val Guest.

A condemned man's last request before he is executed is to see SH. Thus the great detective meets Edward Brighton in his prison cell. Briefly, for he is to die in five hours, he relates how he had been convicted of killing his wife Phyllis. They had only been married six months, but on the fatal night they had had their first mild argument over her make-up, though others claimed this was much more violent.
He had gone for a long walk, during which he had suffered a mild heart attack. "When I came to, Phyllis was dead." He was accused of strangling her. One puzzling thing he does recall, is seeing some unidentified object by the corpse before he had become ill.
SH pores over the police notes, while L stands smugly by, convinced the evidence is conclusive. Then SH is off, off to talk to Edward's tobacconist, Carstairs (veteran actor Clifford Mollison), of 25A Hanover Place, who used to sell Old Tawny to the condemned man.
It is now but two hours to the execution, and from the shop, SH goes to one of Carstairs' other customers, Langley Priam. However he is not at his lodgings, though the landlady (Patsy Smart) thinks he was expecting to come into money. SH finds some make-up, which takes him to a theatre where Priam is starring in a Shakespearean play. However Pettyfoot, the theatre manager, despite SH's protestations, insists that the show must go on, so the great man has to bide his time by searching Priam's dressing room. Here is discovered the vital clue.
11.30pm, the curtain falls, the execution is at midnight! Backstage, SH accuses Priam of conspiring with Phyllis to poison Edward. Though she had agreed to this originally, she had fallen in love with her husband, and Priam had killed her in revenge. Seeing the game is up, Priam draws a dagger, SH is stabbed, but as the dagger thankfully turnsd out to be a theatrical prop, so there's no damage done. L makes his arrest and in an unnecessarily long coda, SH demonstrates how the dagger works, "it's harmless."

Uncredited speaking roles: 1 Priest. 2 Phyllis. 3 Actress on stage

Sherlock Holmes Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Three Brothers

In the dark, a woman wearing gloves cuts a cigar, which she smokes contentedly. This Meredith Stanhope (Glynis Barber) approaches SH with the startling news that someone is going to kill her uncle, owner of the famous shipping line.
Can SH help prevent the crime?
Her Uncle Ronald is hated by Meredith's two brothers, the elder of which, Alexander, will inherit. Younger Everett is the other brother.
News reaches them that uncle has been shot dead. A cigar is L's main clue. He questions Everett who says he was at a gambling club at the time of his brother's death. Asks L pointedly, "what were you doing at this gambling club?" Back comes the reply, "I was gambling."
He admits to large debts. Alexander's alibi is that he was out of town. Yet Meredith believes he is the murderer. When SH goes to question him, he finds only Alexander's corpse: it was suicide, a note confirms he had killed Ronald.
Case closed, smiles L, though even DrW can see that this suicide is murder. Everett must be the killer. So L arrests him. His fiance Helen will inherit if they marry, so she has to be bumped off also. However SH and DrW are watching, and when she is pushed under a carriage, she is pulled clear. "Diabolically clever," says DrW, rather improbably, though L has to admit, "I fell for it"

Sherlock Holmes Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Body in the Case
Script: Tudor Gates. Director: Roy Ward Baker.

John Courtney calls for a trunk at Victoria Station that has been discovered to contain human remains. "You are under arrest, sir," pronounces Inspector Lestrade. The corpse is that of a kept woman, Josephine Potts.
The "young and very attractive" fiancee of John, Lady Helen Fairfax engages SH. It seems that Hugo Verner (George Mikell), John's employer, had sent him to collect the trunk. It's a straightforward case. Hugo had been in love with Helen.
Jenkins, a porter at Verner's art gallery, who had accompanied John to collect the trunk, has mysteriously been given a few days' leave. He's not at home, gone fishing at Henley. More correctly Jenkins is being fished out of the Thames there, dead.
Feeling guilty that he had inadvertently caused Jenkins' death, SH decides to trap Verner, letting him know that he is suspected. "You can prove nothing," Verner confidently asserts.
SH's charade begins with L questioning Verner. Did he know Josephine? No. Nevertheless he invites Verner to Josephine's funeral. L states his theory is that her angry husband has done her in. At the burial, SH whispers to Verner, "the murderer might be here," he might be bent on revenge for having been crossed. "I told him it was you," SH calmly informs Verner, who hastily runs away.
After a chase round the graveyard, "Murderer!" cries a bearded man, maybe Mr Potts. That prompts Verner seeking shelter in L's arms, and a hasty confession.
This is a very basic story, no deductive powers needed by SH, and which ends with the delivery of a sculpture that SH had ordered from Verner

Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Deadly Tower
Tarleton Manor, home of railway millionaire Lord Tarleton and his wife. His obsession to contact the other world ends in disaster, but he would seem to have had some foreknowledge, for he had written a letter to SH which is handed to the great detective by his lawyer Morton Hadlock (Geoffrey Bayldon). The letter is a request to investigate the circumstances of his death, "no matter how I die."
But his death certificate, signed by Dr Rinaldo, states he died of a heart attack. Lady Sylvia his wife (Catherine Schell) inherits half his estate, others receiving a 10% share are Arthur Smythe his close business associate, Dr Victor Rinaldo, Elizabeth, Tarleton's ward, his lawyer and the British Institute of Parapsychology.
At the reading of the will, SH surprises them all by anouncing that Lord Tartleton had been murdered by someone in the room.
Not that he has proof as yet. But in the Tower Room, where his lordship had died in his quest to contact the other world, SH awaits developments. Footsteps. DrW breaks down the door of the room to drag SH's body out, only to collapse himself. When they come to, they reason that there is something dangerous in the tower, not much deductive skill needed for that! Candles, exclaims SH, they had been treated with some substance.
The following evening, the recovered SH organises a seance in the tower room. He will reveal the murder's name and Inspector L is invited to come in order to make an arrest.
SH lights "the mystic candles" then begins his charade contacting Lord Tarleton. Three knocks. "Indicate your murderer," SH announces dramatically. Of course the killer knows they will die from the fumes so has to speak up. "I'll take that," L pronounces officiously.
Back in Baker Street SH lights some more candles, but are they the poisoned ones? L almost comes a cropper
Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of Smith and Smythe
Not Conan Doyle at all, but played for laughs, a quite fun little tale.

Hubert Smythe (Bernard Bresslaw) is at loggerheads with Herbert Smith (Tommy Godfrey), business rivals. The former collapses on the doorstep of 221B. Dr W brings him round and learns that Smythe, who sells "the best tea in London," is going to be killed by his rival. So devious is Smith, according to Smythe, that he hasn't actually done anything yet, no, he did not even say goodnight just now when they locked up their premises. He wants this crime investigated before he is killed. SH suggests he approach L.
Next at 221B is Smith, harbouring the same fears, "arrest him, throw him in the dungeon." SH refers him to the greatest detective in the world. That's L at the Yard, who promptly consults SH and DrW. They are interrupted by James Smythe and Jane Smith, who require help to bring their fathers to their senses. They nearly come to blows themselves over the dispute.
Only L can solve this one- or so says L. He takes the two rivals to the Bella Napoli restaurant for a meal and attempted reconciliation. "Peace and harmony" is ended with L receiving the custard pie treatment.
DrW makes his attempt, using Romeo and Juliet. To stop their parents' "irrational" behaviour, he gets the two young lovers to feign injury in a road accident. It almost works. It ends with poor DrW nearly injured himself.
So it is down to SH. This Is Your Last Chance is the message a disguised SH delivers, as a result of which both men somehow save the other from danger. Thus the two are happily united, the only minor cost being a black eye for SH
Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Luckless Gambler
Director: Roy Ward Baker
George Wharton (Derren Nesbitt) fears for his life. His young son Christopher, who wants to be a barrister when he grows up, asks SH to investigate his father's disappearance. As Inspector L insists he is dead, naturally SH knows he's not, and though Christopher is no budding actor, we can get the drift, that the lad's father is missing, presumably to escape his creditors.
When questioned, L explains there must have been a violent struggle before George's abduction. A bullet had been found in his overcoat, from which L deduces that the man had been shot. Even though there's no body, he's dead, declares the Yard detective.
At a prize fight, SH chats with the loser of a bout, with the unfortunate name of Powerhouse. He tells SH that George had owed money to the biggest of bookmakers Jack Driscoll (Tommy Godfrey).
SH tracks him down to a race track. He owes me £100, claims Driscoll but as George is dead has little hope of recovering it. SH approaches Powerhouse and trains him how to fight properly, poor DrW getting a few knocks in the cause. Thus when Powerhouse wins, SH's bet with Driscoll wins him £200. This he can put to good use. To L, he disproves that theory of George's demise.
RMS Glencastle is sailing for New York, and George is just embarking. SH gets George to participate in a little charade, in which he has apparently rounded up a dangerous spy, for which he receives a reward of £100. Thus Christopher still has faith in his father and George promises to reform for the sake of his family. However as evidence that he is a budding barrister, the young boy doesn't show himself as green as even SH believes, for he has seen through the subterfuge.
The nice little touch is poor DrW with his black eye and bandage, all won in the good cause of helping Powerhouse win his bout.
To the Sherlock Holmes andDoctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of The Shrunken Heads
In a parcel adressed to SH is a small head, "I've been expecting it!" Inspector L tells us how he sometimes deigns to asks SH's advice, as in the present case. He'd received a shrunken head too.
They had been stolen from explorer James McIntyre of Hampstead. The heads are followed by a ransom demand, £50,000 or McIntyre will be killed. Signed Mendoza (Simon Oates), an old enemy of the explorer.
Off to Hampstead, and another Mendoza note. Freddy, stepson of McIntyre has instructions where to take the money.
SH and DrW keep watch on the place, as do L's minions, L himself is in disguise as an organ grinder. Freddy carries the money into a large building. Mendoza is spotted high on the roof. Gunshots and he topples to his death. No sign of the cash Freddy had handed him.
Mendoza is none other than Harry, an East End crook. "We've been taken for fools," sighs SH.
Freddy had devised the swindle, it's something to do with McIntyre's terminally ill wife. But why did Freddy want Harry killed?
Freddy himself receives a shrunken head. Sent by SH! He tells Freddy how he had committed the crime, and why. But he has no proof. So SH promises that he will get rough justice. He'll inform Harry's East End cronies what Freddy has done.
That stirs Harry into making "a run for it." There follows a slight novelty, a horse and carriage chase, but as in the gangster films, Freddy's cart overturns. At least it doesn't, as in the gangster films, instantly burst into flames. Freddy is killed.
The cash is recovered and back at 221B SH discourses on why policemen's heads need to be square shaped. L listens in bafflement, and slightly insulted, makes an exit, in offended silence
To the Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

Magruder's Millions
Director: Val Guest
In his wheelchair, old Malcolm Magruder cries in vain for assistance. He's a recluse, his assistant Fred Kimberley has just been murdered. When his servants answer his call, Magruder fails to recognise either of them, neither Raikes nor Chesney (David Buck).
His letter appealing to SH to help does not fall on deaf ears. SH first asks Inspector Lestrade about Kimberly. But according to L's version, there's no crime to investigate, the man shot himself accidentally. Further, in L's opinion, Magruder is "bats in the belfry."
On arrival at Magruder's mansion, SH immediately spots that the butler is a "stooge," indeed the crooks have replaced Magruder with their own man. Miss Collins (Sue Lloyd) advises SH that her master is too unwell to see anyone, but the persistent SH refuses to go away, and so is ushered into the old man's presence. SH is given the quick brush off, but has noticed the deception and for that he's locked up, along with the real Magruder.. Escape seems impossible from their shuttered room.
Enter L, who of course remains oblivious to the drama, and proves an unwitting accomplice to the crooks in their swindle of two Frenchmen, who are to pay them via Magruder a fortune.
The great SH has naturally found a way of excape, a clue in Magruder's piano, notes played in the right sequence, a hidden lock in the fireplace opens, and the way out is through that dark passageway. As SH and DrW creep along it, they overhear the deal, the signing of documents by the Frenchmen. To a startled L, SH whispers the whole diabolical plot through the thick wall. Luckily L is on the ball and as per SH's instructions, announces "that money is counterfeit."
Consternation among the crooks, and L is quickly able to effect their arrest. SH even praises him. To round the non drama off, he does also declare that Kimberly wasn't actually murdered at all.
To Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Other Ghost
Script: Tudor Gates, based on a story by Julian Fellowes. Director: Val Guest.

The butler at Kindersley Hall requests that SH investigate the demise of Mary, a maid, who had been frightened to death by a ghost, tumbling downstairs. "There's a presence in the house," the butler concludes in sinister tones.
After a teasing interview with Inspector L, SH persuades the Scotland Yard man to get Sir Charles Kindersley, owner of the hall, to invite him and DrW to stay. They are shown the fateful staircase, "she screamed first and then she fell." SH deems that a key point, one not covered at her inquest.
That night, there's another scream. This time, the poor old butler is done in. He is stabbed to death in the hallway, though his corpse is not found here, but in the street.
Soon, SH has developed his theory, that the maid was killed in error. The intended victim for Mary's death was Sarah, Sir Charles' rich wife. There was a third murder, SH explains mysteriously, that was 100 years earlier, "the key to everything." And even a fourth! Sir Charles' cousin Lady Helen, died ten years ago. Though she apparently hanged herself, "that makes four murders."
We are treated to some unusual narration from Inspector L, before we see that SH's theories are, naturally, correct. Sir Charles is placing wire across the staircase, so that his wife trips and falls. The chandelier in the hall is then secretly released to kill her, before returning to its wonted place, "just another unfortunate accident."
He's mad of course. He'd been in love with his cousin, but it's all to do with money. His trap fails, thanks to the invisible SH, and in a neat turn of fate, it's Charles who is killed in his own trap.
In the final scene back at Baker Street, L is wondering if he has seen a ghost himself, no less than that of SH

To the Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Case of the Close Knit Family (No Lestrade)
It's near Christmas, though no evidence is ever seen of the fact, as SH and DrW stay at the Bristol Palace Hotel where a lady is robbed of the necklace round her neck as she sleeps.
The distraught hotel manager turns to his "genius" guest, but SH declines. So it has to be left to DrW to attempt to emulate his master and solve the crime.
Lady Noell was "insured after a fashion," she explains, for in fact the necklace was one of a pair, and she is still wearing the other half, which is evidently going to be the target of the thief's next attentions.
His head swollen just a little, DrW explains how he will trap the robber, having studied the great man's technique.
There are plenty of other characters on whom he could fix his suspicions. There's Sir Oliver who owns The Star of Mahler, a sapphire. Then there is the beauteous Miss Ryland (Janet Spencer-Turner) who has a precocious sister Victoria who sleepwalks. Her brother Jonathan is DrW's fencing partner, though it seems DrW is not much good at the sport, for even Victoria has the upper hand against him.
That night DrW thinks he has the situation under control, a guard posted in the hotel corridor. Miss Victoria sleepwalks, closely attended by her governess Miss Elly. Despite the watch being kept, Victoria slips into Lady Noell's bedroom to stylishly remove the necklace part 2. Will DrW ever solve this case? "It couldn't have happened," he flusters. SH steps in with the vital truth, being one step ahead of poor DrW.
Miss Ryland alias Victoria alias almost everyone else, uses her extensive wiles to elude the amateur detective though the "genius" is able "almost immediately" to recover the stolen property.
Almost fun, but though the storyline eventually becomes manifest, it isn't half as clever as it thinks it is
To the Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Interceptor
Channel Four's innovative Treasure Hunt, had been running since the station began in 1982, but by 1989 was looking past its sell-by. Annabel Croft had recently taken on the glamorous job as Skyrunner, and it was she who hosted this new programme. However she was no longer 'in the helicopter' but confined to base, which was always an outdoor location. She provided charm, with her occasionally naive comments.
Instead we had two contestants as the Skyrunners, their simple task was, having been dumped separately in the middle of nowhere, to join together within forty minutes. Their only contact was via Annabel, who attempted to reunite them. Inevitably the clock was always run very close, and the action was at times too obviously manufactured.
What made this action game show different was its redeeming feature, The Interceptor. Sean O'Kane was made for the role. In his long black leather coat, his job was to 'zap' the backpacks on the contestants' backs, these contained their cash prize. If the pack was properly zapped, it would not open. The Interceptor, like the contestants had a selection of modes of transport. He had his own black helicopter, the best moments being his improvised dialogue with the pilot Mikie, who often offered cheeky backchat. Swooping to the ground, the Interceptor also had a motor bike (black of course), as well as a white stallion. His only drawback was that he had a limited number of zaps, despite which he wantonly wasted many, aiming at contestants long distances away. Then when he did get close up, often his attack feebly evaporated for no obvious reason. When close up, he often made silly noises ("like some eagle") at the contestants. When successful, his catchphrase was I Like It. "Don't take any notice of him," advises Annabel unwisely in one episode.
Thames TV showed it at peak viewing time, and despite its inherent silliness, I liked it, and was disappointed when the series was dropped after only eight weeks. The camerawork was brilliant, and the helicopter stunts were sometimes impressive.
My reviews:
1 Leeds Castle Kent - Annabel introduces Candy and Mark, then makes her base in the town square Faversham. Mark starts on the wilds of Sheppey, taking a boat to the mainland. The Interceptor is berating Mikey his pilot for arriving late, then complains about Mikey's windows. Candy gets a milkman to take her to Chilham Castle ("you lucky thing," exclaims the unsubtle Annabel), where she rides a horse to get her key, the Interceptor unconvincingly pursues her on a white horse. "We're going very slowly," complains Mark who has to retrieve his key from a beehive, "I've got the Interceptor and these bees as well." Replies Annabelle, "you don't want to get stung." Using the helicopter as a decoy, the Intercepttor, on foot, zaps Mark, this delay prevents the couple from joining up in time, "jolly bad luck"
2 - introduction is on a North Sea oil platform. Annabel then makes her base by the river at Reedham, Norfolk. Contestant Roger is dropped off at Somerleyton, Clare sent to Berney Arms. "Mean and nasty" Interceptor kisses goodbye to a blonde at a lighthouse, and soon locates Clare, "what are you waving at, you sausage." She catches a train to Reedham, "sorry Interceptor, you're not going to get me this time." Roger's key is in a maze, the Interceptor zaps him as they chase round the maze. "Are you still alive?" queries Annabel. Clare's key as atop a "yacht," actually a wherry, and the Intercepter hires a pilot with a boat, "can't you make this go any faster?" He grabs the controls and the boat speeds up, "the river police are after that boat!" Roger jumps aboard Clare's craft, cases are unlocked, surprisingly Roger's case with the cash does open. The best bit is when "the Incerceptor's been arrested." Concealing his joy, Mikey his helicopter pilot conceals a laugh, "terribly bad luck"
3 Wye Valley- Annabel is at Hay-on-Wye, contestant Mark runs not so much the gamut of the Interceptor, as soldiers on manoeuvres, who at least offer him some protection. His partner Sue is attacked on a canoe- "we need a hovercraft," complains the Interceptor. Instead he drives his black Maserati INT1, which Sue later has time to stop and admire! A manufactured finish, Interceptor standing idly by, though it turns out that he has successfully zapped both their cases
4 Cumbria (Aug 9th 1989) - Annabel is at Eskdale Green. Contestants Suzanne at Greendale Farm, Mike at Newtown move close together via a raft and narrow gauge train, on which the Interceptor pursuing his quarry, climbs over bemused passengers. Mike has to castigate his cameraman at one point for running too slowly. At the reunion, Annabel asks "did you enjoy yourselves?"!
7 Cotswolds - Annabel is in Moreton-in-the-Marsh, the two contestants are badly treated, with the guy having to pull a huge cart a long distance to the finish. His partner by contrast ends in a car that despite being 'minutes away' too obviously takes the long route in order to create a tight finish.
8 Cornwall - this was the best of the series, the two contestants were naturals, and you can't blame Thames for holding back transmission to let it star in the New Year schedules. Annabel is in Port Isaac and the contestants for once do not meet up with her but on some lifeboat, which the female contestant has to drop in to from a helicopter: she had kept up an entertaining narrative throughout, but now she is very clearly scared out of her wits.
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's A Knockout
Over 100 million viewers for some episodes- over all participating countries in Europe. The BBC series began in 1966 and ran until 1982, before being restricted to a few specials. The Welsh S4C showed several new series in the early 1990s with Stuart Hall providing the English commentary. Round the turn of the century, C5 hosted two new series.
The BBC series was most memorable for the infectious laugh of now disgraced Stuart Hall, the best feature, along with dour old 'Uncle' Eddie Waring. My favourite editions were the Jeux Sans Frontieres international competitions, I always felt the BBC events were mostly glorified races, whereas some countries devised really ingenious games with huge comic dummies which really brought out the fun of this friendly but deadly serious event.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Best of 1973 (Jan 1st 1974, 11.40am)
Introduced by Stuart Hall, who tells us this past year had been "the best ever" with three trophies on display, all won by Ely. The team are with him in the studio, claiming, "even the Queen showed some interest."
Clips from Knockout include one on the streets of King's Lynn, with flour bombs aimed at a mobile goal. Then another with more flour on a trampoline. The rest of the clips are from Jeux Sans Frontieres.
Firstly in Italy, a game with a bucking bull. Then bell ringing in Chartes, France. Italy offers several choice moments: firstly the Fil Rouge, with GB vainly attempting to block up a hole in a wine barrel, followed by vegetable football, and a cat and mouse game with cheese.
Stuart shows us some unseen footage on film of the parade of teams through a Belgian street. Then to Holland where Ely triumphed: a bucking bronco looks especially difficult to master. An elimination race with dummies is one of the funniest. Then we watch extended highlights from the Bristol show, voted, apparently, "the best ever." Back to Belgium for the Fil Rouge, which involves releasing blindfold a balloon. The German round offered several inventive games, including giant cooks proceeding backwards, then a race to a ship dressed as luggage. The Paris final is shown in a little more detail.
On the way, Stuart Hall explains why he laughs so much, and finishes by showing us again the most requested item from 1972, which is the giant wrestlers running against each other in Germany

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Best of Knockout 74 (Mon Dec 30th 1974, 12.40pm)
A clips show, in which some of the clips are too brief. Introduced by Stuart Hall, starting with domestic editions at Southport (blindfold coconut shy), Warwick Castle (simply the opening ceremony), and Farnham (a slippery moving slope, plus the Marathon on a slope with a football.
The Jeux Sans Frontieres. The Swiss episode includes gladiators being pulled against their will, then collecting heavy sacks standing on a rickety table, the unicorn chase and a unicorn race bursting a balloon.
From Holland we see a race with big noses, a furniture race, and a blindfold game with a football.
In Italy we have horses carrying magnets, then "unwieldy" weight lifting (of sorts), and a tightrope ballerina.
France offers us giant snails, bears racing, a huge rhino, and everybody's favourite, penguins on a revolving turntable collecting buckets of water.
In Belgium, there is a dungeon game.
Then the British round, which Stuart says had a viewing figure of 200 million and was "voted the best ever." Races included one with wagons, one blindfold, collecting water down a slope and a bucking bronco.
The German round came from Bayreuth, with Wagner the theme, music adapted by Stan Kenton, "who can say Knockout lacks culture?!" The giant Rheinmaidens burst balloons, a race with enormous Brunnhildes, and the Fil Rouge, jumping through a moving hoop.
The grand final came from Holland. We see jousting, with GB lasting a mere two seconds. The Fil Rouge involves moving along a pole avoiding a swinging bag. Then soldiers have to avoid pelting bricks. The victorious team from Italy celebrate

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's a Cup Final Knockout 1975 (May 3rd)
Includes some guest footballers from the two teams, West Ham and Fulham. Other guests include Clodagh Rogers.

Game 1 West Ham win a dribbling the football game, having to unwind a large bobbin around your body.
2 is on a seesaw, kicking a ball though a hoop. Fulham score 2, West Ham 1.
3 involves passing a football along boards- West Ham win.
4 is also won by West Ham, a caterpillar race bursting balloons.
On 5, Fulham play their joker and win. A race through loops of rope. Scores now tied at 6 all.
6 West Ham regain the lead in this diffcult game transporting buckets of water on boards using your feet.
7 is sliding down a ramp catching a football kicked as you descend. Fulham win this, and afterwards guests Harry Fowler and Kenny Lynch demonstrate how to do the game.
The final game is climbing a pole to collect balloons. West Ham win, playing their joker.
Thus at the final whistle, West Ham win 12-8

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

St Ives: May 23rd 1975
This starts with Stuart Hall relaxing by the sea, so Eddie introduces before Stuart shows us the new team of girls for this new series.

Game 1 involves catching balls, running up a greasy ramp. Winner: the home team.
Game 2 is catching footballs blindfold, the score Falmouth 5 Redruth 2.
3 is bursting balloons with your feet, sliding along a rope. Winner St Ives.
4 is on a trampoline, throwing rings at a target. Redruth 63 St Ives (with joker) 57.
5 involves untwining ropes on a maypole, then ascending the pole. Winner St Ives.
6 is shooting at goal with one goalkeeper being slid on a moving carpet. Goals scored: St Ives 5 Falmouth (with joker) 8.
The marathon consists of a player on a float in the water having to tip balls out of a large net, it's very difficult unless you are tall, so the marathon becomes very tedious with St Ives the easy winner.
The final game is climbing rope netting with tyres. Falmouth play their joker but St Ives win, and are thus victors overall

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

May 30th 1975
Venue: a wet Swansea, the home team v Caerleon and Caerphilly.

The marathon sees a hooded player trying to knock opposition members off their podia using a swinging punchbag. Winner: Caerleon.
Game 1 is a race delivering balloons while water is chucked at you. Caerphilly joker, but Swansea win.
Game 2 is crossing a pool on a wire. Caerleon play the joker, but Caerphilly win.
3 has teams on skis racing to burst balloons. Winner Swansea with their joker.
4: a player on a swing has to pick up a football with his feet and kick it to his teammate who collects it in a net. Winner: Caerleon.
5: building crates into the tallest pile possible. Winner: Caerphilly.
6: a race with a team jumping on a feeble mat along a course. Swansea win.
Into the final game, scores are Swansea 19, Caerleon 18 and Caerphilly 14. Game 7 is the same as last week's one, carrying tyres over a net. The winner is Swansea, who are thus overall victors

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 6th 1975
A horse drawn carriage brings in Stuart who offers a brief history of the Isle of Man, before we move to Eddie among some Vikings, here since 1900, correction 900. Stuart joins him and talks to them, "which one is Julie Andrews?"
The marathon involves walking over a pool throwing a ball through a hoop. Winner: the home team of Onchan.
On a rainy lake, the great boat race is won by Onchan.
Game 2 is on a huge sea saw, bursting balloons. "You are mean," Stuart teases ref Arthur when he disallows one effort. Winner- Onchan.
Next is a race on the lake, with a rope uncoiling, same winners.
Game 4 involves climbing a greasy slope, hanging letters on hooks. Winner with the joker- Onchan.
5: stilt race, won by Peel.
6: roll drums along a course and build a pile of them and climb on top. Winner with joker Peel.
7 The usual game with tyres to conclude. though Port St Mary play their joker, Onchan win.
Stuart meets a legend, the Legs of Man. He admits this has been "the wettest on record" of all Knockouts! The overall victors are Onchan with a score of 26 out of a possible 27

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Gourock: June 20th 1975

"Edward McWaring" rabbits on about local celebrities before Stuart Hall meets a caber tosser.
The marathon is over the traditional small pool of water. Players must balance on a plank avoiding punchballs and head a football through a hoop. Kilmarnock are the runaway winners.
Game 1 is on a trampoline, grabbing a balloon then lobbing it into a netball net. Winner: Ayr.
2 involves stacking large cans as high as possible, The game is tied between Gourock (with joker) and Ayr.
3 uses two podia as stepping stones in a straight race. Winner: Ayr with joker.
4 is about bursting balloons with a swat along the familiar greasy slope. The result is a tie between Ayr and Kilmarnock.
The fifth game is stacking 28 crates, on top of which a player has to perch precariously. Winner: Kilmarnock.
Game 6 is very difficult, balancing a huge ball on three poles then trying to lob it through a hoop. Winner is Kilmarnock playing the joker.
The final game is the usual one with tyres. Winner Ayr.
Final scores: Kilmarnock 24, Ayr 23, Gourock 16

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

July 4th 1975
from Cambridge City Football Ground. After a travelogue round the university, Stuart Hall joins Eddie Waring dressed in gowns and mortar boards, quoting Shakespeare. Eddie responds with some Latin. An interview with a local eccentric precedes the fun.
The marathon is across a plank on the familiar pool, throwing footballs through two hoops. Easy winners Cambridge.
Game 1 is novel, introduced by Stuart on a motor bike. The three teams race on bikes, pulling a trolley carrrying a team mate who holds a tray on which are drinks. Winner Cambridge.
2 on an elastic rope, players throw balls at a target and when they bounce off, another player on another rope has to catch. Winner Cambridge.
3 a strong man carries a shield on which is perched a woman. Winner Oxford.
4 Players hold two poles and have to transport water filled balloons down a course. Winner Cambridge playing their joker.
5 The Big Ball Game, a girl crawling on top, is pushed down the course. Winner Oxford.
6 Tarzan and The Twins- placing large letters on to hooks spelling It's A KO. Winner Peterborough with joker.
7 Usual final game with Peterborough winning with, says Stuart, one of the fastest times of the series.
Eddie declares Cambridge the winners and Stuart announces that this year's KO trophy has been won by Onchan

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Celebrity Knockout July 11th 1975 from Craven Cottage
Celebrities (captain Raymond Baxter) versus Lord's Taverners (captain James Ellis).
The Marathon involves waiters sliding down a ramp transporting trays of drinks. Frank Worthington and Linda Cunningham are two of the Celebrities, James Ellis and Vicki Harris for the other side. During the third round others join in and the final round ends in chaos with slope wet, missiles being thrown, "a new rule," Eddie decides blandly. "Look at the debris!" Maybe the Celebrities won overall. Somewhere Graeme Garden chats to Eddie Waring in Eddie's own dulcet tones!
Game 1 is a Ski Race. The Celebrities including Anne Moore and George Layton beat the Taverners who include Anita Harris.
Game 2 sees the same winners, chefs transporting trifles include the captain and Alan Marwell a hurdler. Graeme Garden and Cardew Robinson are not so successful.
Game 3 is a Chariot Race, the Taverners (Frazer Hines, Robin Asquith) playing their joker, claim their first victory over Anne Moore, Michael Barrett and Mick McManus. Bill Pertwee offers a fine imitation of John Arlott. Game 4 has a goalie on a trampoline trying to stop shots. The Celebrities play their joker with Frank Worthington as striker against Robin Nedwell and Ed Stewart in goal. This pair then try to score against Bob Wilson, and with several others shooting simultaneously, they manage to beat the Arsenal goalie.
Game 5 involves carrying the dummy Ethel and tossing it over bars. The Celebrities with Kenneth Wolstenholme in drag win, while the Taverners include Nicholas Parsons, Ronald Leigh-Hunt, Gerald Harper and Bob Grant. At the end the poor dummy loses an arm.
Game 6 The Big Boot Race. George Layton of the Taverners surprisingly beats Frank Worthington.
The final game is bursting balloons. Graeme Garden defeats Mick McManus, as a result cementing victory for the Taverners. Vera Lynn presents the trophy. However referee Arthur Ellis was clearly on one of his less fastidious days, a lot of rule manipulation being given the blind eye
Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Cup Final Knockout 1976
1st May 1976 (recorded April 25th 1976)
From Southmapton Sports Centre, supporters of Southampton versus those of Manchester United. Eddie Waring supports the latter, while Stuart Hall chats with Tony Blackburn, a rather nebulous Southampton supporter. Eddie chats with Arthur Ellis who had refereed the 1952 cup final, his fee either £10 or he could choose a gold medal.
The games are of a muchness with footballs. Game 1 involves carrying bowls of water over/under/round obstacles. Winner: ManU.
Stuart chats with a Southampton player before Game 2, throwing footballs into a basket. Same winner.
Game 3: Eddie gets Ed Stewart to show how to carry a football along an inflatable. Winner: Southampton.
Noel Cantwell and Nobby Stiles chat to Stuart before Game 4, which along with Blue Peter presenters, they demonstrate. Dribbling a football, then tossing a dummy over a bar. Winner ManU.
For Game 5, Uncle Eddie welcomes the ManU joker brought on by a girl, says Eddie, only he proves to be a boy. Anyway Southampton win, carrying piles of footballs on heads.
Stuart talks to Dave Lee Travis before a skipping rope game (number 6) carrying water. Winner: ManU.
Game 7 "you've never seen before," according to Eddie. Actually it's the funniest one, two players rolling in a bag bursting balloons. Some refuse to burst. Winner: ManU.
Stuart talks to Peter Purves and Leslie Ash before the final game, heading a ball up a ramp. They comment "how hard the games actually are," and that's true of this one, which Southampron win.
The final score is ManU 14 Southampton 12

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

May 21st 1976
Stuart Hall is in Morecambe where the first show ever was broadcast on August 7th 1966, and he has with him Charlie Chester, first master of ceremonies, and McDonald Hobley, who help during the show. New scoregirls are introduced.
The Marathon is in two parts. Firstly on a seesaw a football is picked up with the feet and dropped into a bin. The second round is easier, simply bursting balloons on the seesaw. On Blackpool's turn, they run out of balloons and the score has to be improvised. Winner: Morecambe, 2nd Blackpool, 3rd Liverpool.
Game 1 is on "wobbly podiums," throwing balls into a bin, difficult in the strong wind. 1 B, 2 L, 3 M.
2- race to get dressed and collect objects, then reverse the process. The "stickler" referee Arthur Ellis disqualifies both B and L, who neverthess are awarded two points each.
3- A drunken sailor dummy is carried over a plank, then other objects. 1 L, 2 B, 3M.
4- Balls thrown into a large net by players on a revolving rostrum. 1 B, 2M.
5- Balloon bursting on pogo sticks, one of which gets bent. 1 M, 2 L, 3B.
6- Humpty Dumpty has to head a ball out of a net, one Humpty barges Arthur over! 1 M, 2 L with joker.
7- The scores before this final game are M 16, B 15, L 15. But the first two are now playing their jokers. This is a sack race carrying ski poles. 1 B, 2 M, 3 L. Stuart interviews the easy victor, telling him, "you haven't trained hard enough- you can still breathe."
Thus Blackpool win the event. Eddie, who had been on the first show, thanks the guests, "another ten years, and you'll be back"

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

May 28th 1976
from Hanley Park, Stoke, featuring Stoke v Birmingham v Tamworth.
To begin, Stuart and Eddie skip between Morris dancers, "I was nearly the champion," boasts Eddie.
The Marathon sees three Humptys squeezed together to hold a huge ball which has to be transported between goalposts. "it's like Come Dancing!" 1st T, 2nd S, 3rd B.
Game 1- on roller skates catching balls. Ref Arthur Ellis is as ruthless as ever. 1 B, 2 T, 3 S.
2- a huge ball is carried in a net while kicking a football. 1 B with joker, 2 S.
3- hooking up three blindfold players, it's soon over, ending in chaos. 1 S, 2 T, 3 B.
4- bowls filled with water carried on two large boards, tipped into a bin. 1 T, 2 B.
5- three linked cyclists carry balls in a large net. Arthur "stands no nonsense," kicking some of said balls away, "ooo, you are explicit." 1 B, 2 T, 3 S.
6- on a turntable, water filled balloons have to be caught and placed in a basket. 1 S with joker. 2 T with joker.
Before the final game the scores are T 19, S 17, B 17. For game 7, five small oil drums are balanced on a trolley while balloons are burst. 1 B, 2 T, 3 S.
Overall winners are Tamworth, "what a fight back"

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 25th 1976
Someone splashes water all over Stuart as he welcomes us to Redcar, who play Carlisle and Durham. The setting is the boating lake.
The marathon is in the water, a player with a giant mallet has to burst balloons. Winners: D&R
Game 1 in "the thin icy water" has girls racing to a partner in a tub, which is then pulled to collect another girl. Winner: R.
2: girls on waterskis are pulled to a dummy sailor and return with it to base. Winner: D with joker.
3:In the pool on stilts, frogs have to be picked up. Winner: C.
4: "There's a shark in the pool!" A lighthouse is dismantled and carried across the water to be reassembled. Winner: R.
5: collecting doorknobs, to which are are attached hot water bottles in a canoe which might easily sink with the weight. Winner: R.
6: two ships race to pick up flags, though it's "not quite the combat we hoped." Winner: R.
7: a relay race across podia in the pool. Winner R.
Redcar are "handsome winners"

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

July 2nd 1976
Bagpipes skirl in Stirling, as the home team compete against Edinburgh and Linlithgow. Stuart, in kilt, introduces "Eddie McWaring."
The marathon involves jumping into hoops, thrown into a pool. A second round has footballs being thrown into numerous hoops in this pool. Winner: E
Game 1: Water in buckets is carried down a course in wheelbarrows. Arthur Ellis the judge is as strict as ever, explaining that one "naughty fellow" put the water into the container instead of the girl. Winner: E
2: A humpty has to deliver letters, guided by a teammate. Winners: E and L tie
3: On a revolving turntable, a goalie has to save numerous shots. Winner: L
Stuart introduces one young bagpiper after drums and bagpipes play for us. Game 4 is collecting bunches of balloons and carrying them over a dirigible backwards, "a tricky game." Winner: S
5: A man on an elastic rope has to deliver trifles to a second man, similarly handicapped. Winner: E with joker.
6: Stuart meets the Stirling joker mascot, a real camel named Humperdink. The game is dribbling a football and shooting for goal, but with feet tied, it proves too difficult, "a goalless draw." Winners: S (with joker) and L
7: Knockout castles have to be dismantled and transported on a trolley to be re-erected at the far end of the course. Winner: L with joker.
Overall winners are Edinburgh by three points`

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

July 9th 1976
From Crystal Palace Football Ground, Stuart chats with team captains Ian Carmichael of the Lords Taverners, and Bob Wilson of the Celebrities.
The marathon has teams carrying glasses down a bumpy slide, water splashing everywhere, after a lot of shenanigans the final result is deemed a draw.
Game 1 Raymond Baxter of the LT races to burst balloons, ref Arthur Ellis attempts to prevent some cheating, the LT have "an instability problem" so the winners are C playing the joker.
2- bowls of water on a mortar board, with Cardew Robinson and others. Winner- C.
3- Sheila Steafel and Anita Harris are clowns, having balloons stuffed isnide their cotumes. These are then counted by popping each balloon. Winner- LT.
4- Shooting at goal, goalies on a trampoline, though by the end there are numerous shooters and goalies, Arthur awards Stuart a red card for joining in the chaos. Winner- LT with joker.
5- Trifles are collected via a dirigible, poor McDonald Hobley looks a trifle old for this sort of thing. Sheila Steafel completes the course with assistance, as does Willie Rushton inelegantly. Result is a draw.
6- Ian Carmichael sings with headphones to distract, then it's Anita Harris' turn. Somewhow winners are declared to be LT.
7- Large discs have to be transported by teams in costume, Richard O'Sullivan indulges in some cheating, "there's something wrong somewhere." Winner- LT.
8- The final race is on chariots building a tower. Winner- C.
Overall victors by a single point are Lords Taverners

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Championship Knockout Aug 4th 1976
from Charnock Richard- a first domestic final.
Blackpool v Tamworth v Newbury v Kirklees v Thurrock v Redcar v Edinburgh.
Marathon: throwing balloons to a teammate who has to burst them balancing on two poles. Winners: Ta/E
Game 1 In costume, a race, "he's broken his gaiters!" Winner: Ta with joker
2- transporting balls on umbrellas. Winner: Th
3- heading balls up a ramp. Winner: R
4- blind Humpties are guided to post letters, lots of jolly collisions. Winner: Ta
5- On a wheelbarrow, buckets of water are transported along a rail to be tipped into a container, ref Gennaro Olivieri is "obliged" to remove some Blackpool water, who nevertheless win
6- Collecting gold stuffed inside baggy pants. Winner: Th with joker.
7- bags of flour are catapulted to a catcher, with opponents with tennis tackets trying to intercept, "your face is covered with flour!" Winner: K with joker.
Going into the final game Ta have 35 points, B E and Th are only one behind with 34.
8- A sack race for strong men. Some pushing means positions have to be altered slightly, in a bad tempered finish. Winner: B
Overall victors are B with 41 points, their trophy presented by John Inman

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

April 22nd 1977
from Halifax, Beverley v Calderdale v Wakefield.

Marathon- "very hard," according to Eddie, using your feet to push barrels up a ramp. Winner: Beverley.
Game 1 elimination musical chairs with giants, "what a super game," and though Calderdale has the last man standing, Beverley are winners.
2 Colleciing pillows, and handing to a colleague who has to hold them all despite opposition. Winner: Calderdale.
3 Collecting glasses of ale, while attached to an elastic rope. Winner: Wakefield.
4 Fat Tweedles burst balloons then pick up rubber rings. Winner: Beverley (joker) and Calderdale.
5 Three teams pursue each other on skis. Winner: Wakefield.
6 Catching bags of flour through a moving hoop, "keep in moving," cries ref Arthur. Winner: Beverley.
7 Transporting a small bath of water on a scooter: Arthur "gets clobbered." Winner: Wakefield.
8 A blindfolded player catches balloons. Winner: Wakefield (joker).
9 Race to collect blocks which you walk on. Winner: Beverley, who are also overall winners
Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Jeux Sans Frontieres
August 24th 1973

The British round from Durdham Down Bristol, with the theme 600 years of Bristol history. The GB was represented by Blyth.
Game 1 is a race to the ramparts, won by the Germans + joker.
Game 2 is another race with faggots, in fact mattresses, won by France + joker.
Game 3 has the GB joker, a game with ostrich eggs on a greasy ramp. GB came only second, beaten by Germany.
4 is rescuing girls from a castle through "ice and snow," in other words foam. Gemany win again.
5 involves rushing up a slippery slope to feed a princess- GB win.
6 is another race jumping through hoops. Tedious as it is repeated six times. Three teams are disqualified, winners Germany.
Game 7 is a see saw on wheels with a barrel of wine perched on top. Winner France.
The Fil Rouge Marathon involves the old "early bath" crossing a tub over a pool. Winners: Germany and Switzerland.
The final race is with chariots, rescuing a girl. Switzerland win.
Overall the best team is clearly Marburg Germany, with GB third

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Paris September 14th 1973
The Grand Final, staged in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. Favourites to win are the GB team from Ely.
Game 1 is a straight race in large apple costumes, won by France + joker.
Two has runners carrying huge three quarter hundredweight scrolls: Winner Italy.
Three is the Jungle Telegraph, running up a greasy slope to bang a gong. Winner: Germany + joker.
Four involves collecting discs to form the message SOS. Winner: Belgium + joker.
Five is sliding down a ramp on to a trapeze and throwing large envelopes. Winner: GB.
Six: a huge revolving polystyrene model of Saturn which has to be climbed. Belgium achieve the best time but are disqualified, leaving GB + joker as the winner.
Seven is an inventive game, knocking down warbling sopranos on a TV screen. Winner: GB.
The Fil Rouge includes a huge telephone handle. Running down and up a huge revolving dial, as Eddie says, "never seen a telephone like this before." Ely make a hash of it, and come last, winner: Germany.
The final game begins with France and GB tied for the lead. Seven polystyrene Eiffel Towers have to be assembled in three sections. Winner: Germany.
Overall: GB win amid celebrations framed by the sopranos tv screen

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

August 27th 1975 from Belgium
St Ives represent Great Britain, the theme is the Fun of the Fair.
The marathon is a great event on the dodgems, bursting balloons. Eddie Waring takes part in the British round, a new experience for him. Belgium win by one balloon.
Game 1 on a carousel involves more balloon bursting, or it might be grabbing a tassel on the balloon. Winner: Netherlands, GB 2 pts.
2 on a revolving toy aircraft, throwing balls through, you guessed it, a large hoop. Winner Netherlands on their joker. GB second with 5 pts.
3 - Horse and Jockey knocking down large flimsy models. Winner: Germany with joker. Britain scored 6 pts wasting their joker.
4- Giant bears in cages are released by a girl who has to climb a pole to fetch a key. The poor bear has to walk along a garden roller carrying a tray of tin cans. GB not participating, winner: Switzerland with joker.
5- On a roundabout collecting parcels and piling them up. Winners: France and Belgium, GB 2pts.
6- Over a barricade balls are catapulted, to be collected in a giant basket. Winner: France GB last.
7- Coconut shy, with contestant moving inexorably towards a pool of water attempting to knock down 10 cans before they get a ducking. Winner GB (at last!).
8- Final game on a slippery slope, bursting balloons (again). Winner: Netherlands, GB 4pts.
Belgium had been in the overall lead before this final game, but finished this one in last place, handing overall victory to Germany. GB ended up sixth out of seven

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Sept 3rd 1975 from Maastricht market square.
It's "cold and wet" as a spacecraft lands, bringing in the teams, including Swansea.
The marathon has a robot with human inside being directed around a course trying to avoid penalty points. Winner: Germany, GB near the bottom.
Game 1 is a visually brilliant game, teams break out of prison, escape in a Black Maria and police give token chase. Winner Italy, GB 3pts.
Game 2 is linked to The Avengers, though that's hard to spot. A blindfolded player has to grab a stick dangling in the air. Winner: GB 6pts.
Game 3 A team of six has to leap across water on to a tiny island. Winner GB again.
Game 4 A giant Sherlock Holmes has to release a huge bloodhound, offering some good laughs with flopping canines, "been at the gravy again." Winner Italy, GB (with joker) only 8pts.
Game 5 GB not in this: Batman is on a revolving turntable just above a pool of water, having to dress into costume. "I don't want to sound biased," says Stuart Hall, though he does will the current leading team Italy get a ducking. Winners: Netherlands.
Game 6 is a game much admired by Stuart, who says he has had a go himself. A player has to sing Frere Jacques twice, as fast as possible, hampered by a mike distorting their own voice. Winner: Belgium, GB 2nd with 5pts.
Game 7 James Bond and a female spy escape over crocodiles. Winners: Germany (with joker) and Switzerland. GB 3pts.
The final game is a straight pedal car race through smoke and over bumps and mud. Winner: Germany. GB 4pts.
For the second successive week, Germany are the overall victors, with Swansea gallant runners up

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Sept 10th 1975 from the beach of Riccione, Italy.
Teams are introduced dancing to a jazz band. Onchan from the Isle of Man represent Great Britain.
The Marathon has a band of six clinging on for dear life, as the ramp on which they are perched gradually tips towards a pool. Winner: Italy. GB last.
Game 1 is Musical Chairs, a player dances entertainingly with a dummy. Winner Belgium, GB 5th.
2: A song contest, the singer has to sing as high as she can to slow down a conveyor belt on which judges cast their votes. Ingenious, but it becomes painful on the ears. Winner Italy: GB (with joker) 5th.
3: O Sole Mio must be played on huge chimes as a contestant balances over a pool of water. GB one of four joint winners.
4: A cycle race transporting 18 buffet items. Winner: Switzerland. GB 5th.
5- a limbo race, first round is easy, second near impossible. Winner: Netherlands, GB 3rd.
6- A fun game chasing exploding clockwork mice with a broom, "very very clever these mice." Winners: four teams, GB not in this one.
7- Beauty Queens have to balance on rollers over water, all are too timid to make a success of the game, which is static, before ending abruptly. Winner: Belgium, GB 4th.
The final game involves kicking backwards huge cherries into giant glasses of bubbly. Winner: Italy. GB 5th.
Le Mouret, the smallest village ever to enter the competition, who are from Switzerland, went into this final round in the lead, but were pipped to overall victory by the home team. GB ended up in last position

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

17th September 1975 from Engelberg Switzerland

Swiss cows with cowbells parade the square in "abominable" weather. GB is represented by Darlington.
The marathon: bears try to nick honeypots in a game anticipating Total Wipeout. Winner Germany. GB near the back.
On Game 1 GB unwisely play their joker: this is signified by blowing an Alpine horn. A snowman is pushed up a mountain and appendages added. Winner: Italy, GB last.
2- across a plank, team members must pass in opposite directions. Winner Germany, GB 2nd.
3- (GB resting) a bull has to charge down three mushrooms, with plenty of laughs, "oh calamity!" Winner: Switzerland.
4- Hunting butterflies that float in the air. Winner: GB.
5- A huge snowball has to knock down milk churns: Winners: Germany and Italy. GB 3rd.
6- Collecting eidelweiss on a toboggan. Winner: Switzerland. GB last.
7- You have to dig out a box from a huge haystack. Winner: Belgium, GB 2nd. Happy birthday is sung to the lad from Darlington, aged 21.
8- A ski race up a ramp. Winner Italy, GB 6th out of 7.
Germany are overall winners of the competition, with GB in fifth place

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

24th September 1975
From Mannheim West Germany. GB represented by Kilmarnock. The teams burst out of huge parcels, since the theme is The Post Office. Actually, though the costumes are visually excellent, the games are somewhat dull variations on the theme.
The Marathon involves one postman having to chuck letters to a girl in a house, two giant dogs on a conveyor belt trying to intercept. The Dutch dog even kisses the Italian girl. Winner: Switzerland. GB last.
Game 1 is collecting air mail letters being spewed from a plane. Winner: Netherlands, GB 2nd.
2 is a Male Train race, winner Netherlands, GB not competing.
3 involves franking enormous envelopes. A straight race with GB winning playing their joker.
4 In the Left Luggage Office are six parcels, blindfold postmen must get one and deliver: plenty of laughs as they grope around bumping into obstacles. Winner: Switzerland, GB 5th.
5 Laying a telephone cable to the national commentators. Winner Switzerland, GB 4th.
6 Delivering a pile of money, precariously balanced. Winner: France, GB 3rd.
7 Four parcels must be shoved along a static conveyor belt. Winner: Switzerland. GB last equal.
The final game has a postman transporting eleven parcels through obstacles. Winner: Switzerland, GB last.
Thus Switzerland are overall winners, GB 6th out of 7

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

October 1st 1975
From Nancy in France, a cavalcade of carriages bring on the teams. "The Crown Prince of Dewsbury" introduces the British team from Portsmouth and Southsea.
The Fil Rouge is exceptionally bland, avoiding giant cutlery to deliver food parcels. Winner France, Britian second with 6 pts.
Game 1 - a carousel collecting buckets of 'wine.' Winner France, GB did not participate.
2- Trying to thwart three robbers who have nicked large bags of 'gold.' Winner Netherlands, GB 3pts.
3- Building a column of six pieces. Winner Switzerland, GB 2pts. "All teams go," Stuart Hall incorrectly announces.
4- On two ships stand two enemies chucking water at each other until one ship tips and sinks. Winner France, GB 3pts.
5- Pushing four cannonballs from a net. Winner France, GB 2pts.
6- a difficult game with two boys carrying a girl in a sedan over obstacles, through water and large elastic bands. Winner France with joker. GB with joker 8pts.
7- a boy collects three diamonds to deliver to his partner. Some contestants' trousers fall down. Winner: Germany, GB 3pts.
8- By one of Nancy's Golden Gates, a man hidden inside a large ball is guided to the finish. Winner Netherlands, GB 1pt.
Overall winners are the local side with a series record total of 48 points. GB finished fifth

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Oct 8th 1975
from Southport, Britain represented by Cambridge. It is set on a lake with a giant ship, Admiral Stuart Hall introduces.
The Fil Rouge is rescuing a damsel in distress. Belgium couldn't even get started, while the Swiss pulley got unfortunately stuck. Winner GB.
Game 1: The Press Gang, a race across the pool to a boat, then rowing back to the ship. Winner: GB.
2- Climb along a bowsprit to unfurl a sail. Winner: Germany, GB 3rd.
3- Rescue three maidens in the water. Winner: France, GB 2nd.
4- Collect bread in a basket thrown from a boat. Winner Netherlands with 11 "breads," GB 5th.
5- Raising the anchor, five pirates have to leap on it. Winner Belgium, GB (with joker) last!
6- Catching three items thrown on board, including a dummy of a drunken sailor. Stuart: "that basket hit me!" Winners: France and Netherlands, GB last.
7- Pirates walk the plank and jump to hit a bell. Judge Gennaro initially awards victory to the wrong team! Winner: Belgium, GB not in it.
8- Abandon ship, a whole team must get off and gather on a raft. Winner is Belgium, Stuart says incorrectly, actually the winners are Switzerland. GB 6th.
Overall winners are Steenwyk of The Netherlands. GB 6th. Barney Colehan presents the trophy

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

October 15th 1975
The grand final from Ieper in Belgium, GB represented by Swansea.
The Fil Rouge involves throwing wet balloons at a bride and groom- as Eddie dubs it, The Early Bath. Winner: Belgium, GB 5th.
Game 1- a giant cave sweller has to be rescued from a dinosaur and taken to a cave. Winner: Netherlands. GB 4th.
2- Delivering wedding presents into a huge box, which is slowly shutting. Winner: France with joker. GB 4th.
3- The honeymoon car is pedalled up a slope to a bed. A tough game won by Italy with joker. GB last.
4- GB not in this. Hanging four pieces of washing on a line. Winner: Germany.
5- A blindfold giant stork delivers a little baby through an obstacle course. It draws the biggest laughs. Winner: GB.
6- Banknotes are taken to the Fiscus, Tax Office, along a slippery path. Winner: France, GB just second.
7- A race along a conveyor belt, donning pyjamas, to kiss a giant wife. The Swiss draw lots of laughs. Winner: Germany with joker. GB 2nd.
8- In a wind tunnel, four tickets have to be collected and stuck to a billboard. Winner: Switzerland, GB last.
8- Overall winners are France, with GB 6th. Flowers surround the winners and the commentators, "see you in 1976"

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

August 25th 1976 from Caslano Switzerland
Newbury represent Great Britain.
The marathon involves tranporting objects to an island under a volley of hoses, no team transports all 15. Winner Belgium, GB 2nd
Game 1: Waiters collect wine bottles to carry through a revolving door, "all chaos." Winner: Switzerland, GB 2nd
2: Golfers putt large balls, but moles in some holes prevent them. "I think they're rabbits," suggests Eddie. Winner: Belgium, GB 4th
3: Pouring ingredients for minestrone soup into a cooking pot, while in a rocking caravan, "a nightmare cooking session." One of the messiest of all games, winner Italy with joker
4: Harpoon a polystyrene fish. Winners: Switzerland and GB (with joker)
5: a cycle race picking up three girls. Winner: Switzerland, GB 2nd
6: a giant cow has to cross a mobile carpet. Winner: Netherlands with joker, GB 2nd
7: loading ice cream into a container avoiding giant human obstructions who seem to triumph over the competitors. Winner France, GB 2nd
8: A ski race, donning clothes and skiing across water, then climbing- exhausting! Winner Switzerland, GB 3rd
Overall winners by three points are Britain with 46, "going potty"

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

1st September 1976 from Kirklees, GB represented by the home town.

Stuart Hall talks to each team captain before we commence. The games have a sameness, but are still great fun.
Marathon: horse and jockey ride a course. Scoring at the end gets muddled, but winners are Germany with GB 2nd
Game 1: gathering tomatoes over a rickety bridge, "they're making it look easy." A second heat shows it's more difficult. Winner: France, GB last
2: catching three eggs in a net, spewed out by a giant turkey, "she's laddered her net." Winner: GB
3: carrying buckets of water down a course. Winner: Germany
4: a nice elimination game collecting eggs buried in a haystack. Winner: GB with joker
5: race carrying two large sheep. Winner: France
6: a huge donkey carries buckets of water up a ramp. Lots of screaming from the GB competitor, but GB wins
7: a huge blind caterpiller is directed round a course. It's said the costume weighs 50kg. Winner: Germany with joker
8: sheepdogs gather six sheep into a pen. Winner: Switzerland
Overall winners are GB with 45 points, though the scoreboard gets positions slightly wrong

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

September 10th 1976
from Liege, GB represented by Thurrock.
Fil Rouge: collecting presents and carrying them along a plank over a redundant pool. Winner- Belgium.
Game 1: a cycle race up a very slippery slope, only the home team complete the course, since it's nearly impossible.
2: blindfolded girls collect bicycle wheels. Winner- Switzerland.
3: two cyclists transport buckets of water. As Netherlands and GB lose a saddle they have an extra chance. Winners- Germany, Netherlands and Switzerland.
4: a slow bicycle elimination race. Winner- Germany.
5: pushing a car up a slope. Winner- Netherlands.
6: on a trick cycle, a competitior has to burst balloons. Winner- Switzerland with joker.
7: a cyclist pulls a huge balloon, pursued by an opposition cyclist who has to burst it. As four teams avoid this fate, there are four winners.
8: a cycle race ends with a scramble through a maze. Only the German competitor finds it hard to work out the correct route. Winner- GB.
Overall winners are Switzerland with 45 points, GB finish sixth

Knockout Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ooh La La!
Patrick Cargill starred in these rather heavy handed adaptations of French farces. Some excellent guest stars, but trying to cramp the original Feydeau scripts into an hour's length, proves nigh on impossible.

Series 3 (1973)
3.1 Keep An Eye on Amelie
3.2 A Pig In A Poke
3.3 A-Hunting We Will Go
3.4 The Lady from Maxims
3.5 Paying the Piper
3.6 Caught In The Act
3.7 Kept On A String

To Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Keep an Eye on Amelie
Irene visits Amelie (Judi Dench) on "a delicate matter," for she hears rumours that her lover Marcel (Patrick Cargill) is to marry Amelie. But according to Marcel, it is an arranged marriage in order to win a large legacy from his godfather. Also wanting to be Amelie's lover is the Prince (Thorley Walters), who can offer a generous fee, all this cash is enough to persuade Amelie's father (Bill Fraser).
Amelie's first true love, Etienne, has to be sent away for a month, and begs Marcel to "keep an eye" on his beloved, and Marcel is as good as his word, for two weeks later she is in his bed, "this is disgraceful." Especially as "we didn't even enjoy it." Amelie must hide under the bed, when Irene comes to join him on top, a scene offering nice asides to camera. After fun with a bedspread, Irene runs away, but godfather is next on the scene, finding the couple in bed. He's closely followed by Amelie's papa and then the prince bearing gifts. After a too-long mathematical calculation, the prince hires Marcel's room. She begins flirting with him but then godfather returns as well as Etienne who learns the painful truth.
Since godfather must witness the wedding in order for the legacy to be granted, Etienne is supposed to set up a fake wedding. But for revenge, he employs a genuine mayor to perform the ceremony. The couple believe it is all phoney, "he's doing it very well," and they laugh their way through the wedding. However the marriage certificate proves Etienne's scheme has worked, "I want a divorce."
Amelie is at her new home, where the Prince awaits for "improprieties." He has to leave of a sudden, "your trousers or your life." Finally Etienne is reunited with his Amelie, now divorced. Marcel in receipt of his legacy
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

A Pig In A Poke

A title that sums up this farce which contains far too many asides to camera.
Off to study in Paris is Dufausset (Richard Briers) to live with Parcel (Patrick Cargill), who mistakes the young man for an opera singer he is to employ on his new opera. Thus Dufausset is amazed to be offered 3,500fr a month plus lodging, and contracts are signed.
The pseudo singer falls for Marthe (Jan Holden) and writes a note which is mistakenly read by Amandine (Joan Sims). A lot of talk at cross purposes, "this could only happen in Paris."
As a "gteat tenor," he is asked to sing, definitely not very good, indeed he fails an audition. His love letter is discovered, and he is demoted to the post of servant, "how humiliating." Julie, Parcel's daughter, who is technically engaged to Lanoix sympathises, and somehow Dufausset seems to have found three admirers. Assignations are fixed, but times are misunderstood.
Next day, these missed meetings are sort of explained, "what a mess." Dufausset proposes to Julie. A few nice lines to finish, although to call this a comedy is wide of the mark

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

A-Hunting We Will Go
Leontine (Barbara Murray) says No to Moricet (Tony Britton), refusing his invitation to his new pied-a-terre. Her husband Duchotel (Patrick Cargill) says he is off hunting with a friend Cassagne. If she is suspicious, he allays her worries, no more "mad ideas."
Duchotel's nephew is out to borrow another 500fr, this to finance his new mistress. Leontine learns that her husband is meeting Mme Cassagne, "I will get my revenge."
Duchotel, posing as Zizzy, calls on Mme Cassagne, only she isn't in. The concierge (Joan Hickson) has rented this room for him, but the next room is let to Moricet, "here they are. It's not moral."
Leontine is ready to succumb at long last to Moricet, except the concierge interrupts them, and explains that when her husband says he has gone hunting, this does not mean he has a mistress. So mortified, too late to return home, Leontine spends the night in the spare bedroom, to Moricet's despair. When Duchotel happens to call on him, he realises someone is hidden in the spare room, and also admits to Moricet that he is with Mme Cassagne.
When all is silent, the nephew shows up to see his new lover- in Moricet's room: "I'll awake her with a kiss." But it's only Moricet. A policeman enters, causing several to hide. He is in search of evidence for divorce for Cassagne.
Next morn, Leontine is back home, intent on divorce herself. She challenges her husband, "I have found out everything!" With a pair of spare trousers, Moricet and Duchotel share a nice scene reflecting on the disasters of the previous night.
"I have never been unfaithful," declares Leontine, and Moricet can confirm the fact. But the police inspector's arrival causes some confusion, until the nephew comes in and somehow saves the situation. "I can't follow it at all," confesses Moricet
Menu

.

.

.

.

.

The Lady from Maxims
After a night at Maxims, Petypon is still asleep, His wife Gabrielle kisses him in his bed, though actually it's The Shrimp (Barbara Windsor) that she kisses. She must be kept away from Gabrielle, but she can't leave, since Gabrielle has her dress. She is somehow convinced The Shrimp is a heavenly messenger who sends her to La Place de la Concorde.
Petypon's uncle The General (Patrick Cargill) somehow believes The Shrimp is the wife of Petypon. So who is Gabrielle, he wonders. She's wife of Mongicourt, Petypon's medical colleague, who has an amzing invention, one that sedates patients instantly. It freezes Petypon.
Coarse is The Shrimp's behaviour at the General's party, celebrating the engagement of his niece Clementine. The Shrimp meets The Duke, heir to a fortune, "kiss me!" Gabrielle gatecrashes the party, and is introduced to Mme Petypon, who is in fact The Shrimp. She assumes she is really The General's spouse. Clementine's fiance arrives, he knows The Shrimp intimately, "do you still love me?" Gabrielle is convinced the place is haunted.
Next morn, The Duke is mystified by Mme Petypon, who of course is not Mme Petypon. He offers her flowers, but she doesn't respond since she's in the grip of sedation. Petypon is forced into a duel, though fortunately true identities are revealed, "who is my wife?" The poor Duke ends in Gabrielle's clutches, and, scared, runs away, "so like a man."Angel voices convince her, until she realises they are only human.
Performed in a frenzy, complications and pace just overdone. "Last line coming up-" thankfully. Betty Marsden as Gabrielle has perhaps the best part

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Paying the Piper
One of the more successul adaptations of Feydeau, Jane Downs plays Lucienne Vatelin, who is pursued by her husband's best friend Pontagnac (Michael Aldridge). Her husband Hugh somehow trusts him. Redillon (Patrick Cargill) has his own designs on "a monopoly"of her. Panic overtakes Pontagnac with the surprise appearance of his wife, "I begin to think my suspicions are well founded!" She decides to arouse his jealousy by dating Redillon. Another complication is Mme Soldignac, who is Hugh's lover, but her husband (John Baron) suspects since he's discovered a letter written by her. He plans to catch her with her unknown philanderer and have them arrested.
Pontagnac has booked a hotel room for his seduction of Lucienne. Here we meet Armandine (Amanda Barrie), another lover of Redillon's, though tonight she has an assignation with Soldignac. However they are interrupted by Coco, a deaf woman and her husband.
Lucienne has agreed to take a lover, if Pontagnac can prove that her husband is unfaithful. Accordingly an alarm bell is fixed on a bed to warn when it is occupied. Into the room comes Mme Soldignac, hoping to catch her husband, but it is Coco and her husband who use the bed and set alarms ringing. While husband goes for a pick-me-up for Coco, Hugh enters and finds what he assumes is his lover in bed. He is uncovered. Lucienne sees the evidence and decides she will take a lover- but Pontagnac is thwarted, for it is to be Redillon. Arrival of Soldignac and police amid chaos.
At home, Redillon enjoys a wild night with Armandine, until Lucienne arrives to tell him of her intention, "I will be yours." Nicely apologises the butler (Erik Chitty), "I took you for a tart." Mme Soldignac also comes, determined to be avenged for her husband's unfaithfulness. The two women squabble over possession of Redillon. "I don't understand what is going on," admits the butler, in the best manner of farce. Pontagnac are interrupted by Hugh, and confessions follow

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Caught in the Act
Secretary to Victor is Camille (Dennis Waterman), who speaks a kind of Double Dutch, "doesn't even have a mistress." Victor's wife Raymonde (Dinah Sheridan) is worried about "the phase" her busband is going through, ever since his braces had been found at that place of "depravity," The In and Out Hotel. She gets her best friend Lucienne to write an anonymous letter to Victor proposing an assignation at this hotel, to test his fidelity. When Victor (Patrick Cargill) reads this letter, he decides to send his best friend Tournel (Terence Alexander), who just happens to be a deep admirer of Raymonde.
Don Carlos (Bernard Bresslaw) is Lucienne's wife, and he recognises the handwriting and determines on revenge. At the hotel is a bed on a revolving stage. After a long setting of the scene, Raymonde is first to show up, next is Tournel, and she offers him her heart, though this is not what he is after. Then she bumps into the hotel porter, who is the exact double of Victor, only rougher, "you've just kissed the porter!"
Next here is Camille, with Antoinette the maid. "I don't know what's wrong with everyone today," comments the bemused porter, in a mysterious West country accent. Lucienne is next, needing protection against her wild husband. The action is too frenetic, the script poorly adapting the complex plot within the confines of one hour. When Raymonde and Tournel are uncovered by Victor, he is mistaken for the porter. Carlos sprays gunshots.
Back at Victor's, problems are ironed out and the porter's identity revealed. "I don't know what's happening," complains Camille to his supposed boss. The real Victor returns to find his double in his own bed. Carlos challenges him to a duel until he sees his mistake. "This is too complicated for me." Agreed

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

Kept On A String

Lucette (June Barry) is in love with Bois (Patrick Cargill). She discovers a letter which makes her believe Bouzin (Kenneth Griffith) is an admirer. He has composed a pseudo romantic song, which she has dismissed as "crass." Indeed Fontanet suggests it should be rewritten as a satire. The over-the-top General (Freddie Jones) is another fervent pursuer of Lucette, "I'm ravished to make your acquaintance." His main problem is language, and he sometimes has to ask his servant for the correct word.
La Baronne is holding a soiree to celebrate Viviane her daughter's engagement to Bois, even though he is a reluctant participant. He has to do a lot of juggling to prevent anyone finding out about him and Lucette. She is being showered with gifts from the General, who tries to kill Bouzin.
Bois ends up in his underwear and eventually convinces the General of his bona fides: "his mania for massacre was tiresome." Bols decides to marry Viviane, to her mother's delight, so "everything will end perfectly." No it doesn't.
The cast perform with enthusiasm, but cannot overcome another complex script which demands too much frenzied exaggeration

Menu

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Sutherland's Law
Menu